


Concordia Discors

by Enkida



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-03
Updated: 2006-03-03
Packaged: 2019-08-03 01:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 60,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16316762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enkida/pseuds/Enkida
Summary: On a seemingly normal trip back to the modern era, Kagome suddenly realizes the consequences of playing with the past. In trying to discover a balance between two vastly different worlds, she finds help from the most unlikely of sources. COMPLETE





	1. 00: Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Foreword  
> Greetings. I've never tried my hand at Inuyasha fanfiction before, so it might end badly. You've been forewarned. "Inuyasha" is the intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am by no way, shape or form making a profit from this fanfiction, except from reader reviews. So please leave them if you read! I know very little about the Japanese school system, so please suspend some disbelief if I use some western concepts that aren't exactly true to reality. "Concordia Discors" is Latin for "Discordant Harmony."

Kagome scrambled up the ladder quickly, a dark scowl marring her face. As usual, Inuyasha had put up his argument to her request to return to her family. And as usual, it ended with his face planted in the ground. After all the time their small group had spent together, the half-demon should already have known how her request to return to her family would play out. In a way, she suspected that he did know and trust her; though the annoyed part of her was loudly declaring that Inuyasha was too thick to understand anything, her more rational mind knew that their arguments were more ritual-habitual than anything else.  _ Still, he could at least be a little more polite about it, _ she thought to herself irately.

Sunlight flooded into the darkened well house as Kagome pulled open the rough wooden door with a slam; she smiled and strolled leisurely across the courtyard to her house.  _ It's so nice to be back home, _ she sighed to herself.  _ No demons waiting around every corner to ambush me. No jewel shards to hunt down. And Mama's home cooking instead of ramen! _ The last thought set her stomach rumbling and Kagome skipped the rest of the way up the steps, a happy smile on her face.

"Mama! Grandpa! Souta! I'm home!" she called out loudly, putting her hand to the door and giving it a firm push. It didn't budge. Kagome paused and looked down at the shrine door in frustration. "Hey!" she called out, more loudly this time. "I'm said I'm home! Open up! Why is the door locked anyway?" No answer came. Growing worried, Kagome set down her pack and shading her eyes, looked up at the sky. The sun was still high overhead, and she was sure it was a weekday. That meant that the shrine should have been open, her grandfather toddling around in the back peddling his wares and her mother at home, preparing lunch or dinner. It should have been anything but quiet and empty.

A gnawing sense of fear curling in her stomach, Kagome made her way down the steps and around to the back of the house. The Goshinboku was still there, standing tall and proud as it had always done. The rest of the courtyard, however, was empty. A slight breeze passed through the area, stirring the leaves of the trees. Too quickly it died out, and an oppressive stillness settled over the grounds. Three years of adventuring in the feudal era had long since trained Kagome to always assume the worst, and with a sense of panic, she rushed towards the entrance of the shrine, intent on contacting the police.

Her steps slowed as she saw the thick rope stretched across the gate, blocking her path to the street outside. A piece of paper attached to the string fluttered in the wind. Kagome grabbed the paper, her eyebrows lifting as she read the neat script on the small, impromptu sign.

"Temporarily closed for the day, normal hours will resume tomorrow," she read out loud. Her brow wrinkled as she studied the date scribbled on the bottom of the sign. "It's a weekday, isn't it? Why would Mama and Grandpa pack up the shrine on a day like this?" With a frustrated sigh, Kagome blew her bangs out of her eyes and made her way back to the shrine steps. At least the raw panic had disappeared, and once again Kagome had to smile to herself as she remembered that her troubles in the modern era were a far cry from the dangers that presented themselves during her feudal adventures. Settling herself comfortably on the steps, she leaned back on her elbows and studied the afternoon sky, her mind turning lazily.

_ What day is it anyway? _ she wondered to herself. Keeping track of the passing dates was something she was having increasingly difficult trouble doing; time in the feudal era was meted out in seasons, positions of the sun and cycles of the moon, not in calendars and weekdays and minutes. It was hot, and the silence inside of the shrine was broken by the sound of the occasional passing car or a chirping cricket.  _ Early summer, probably the beginning of June, _ Kagome concluded to herself.  _ I guess school will be over soon. Not that I have much hope of graduating anyway, _ she thought wryly as her brow wrinkled.  _ I wonder what excuse Grandpa cooked up for me this time. I hope he didn't mention hemorrhoids again, _ she thought with an angry blush. The thought faded out gradually as she considered her grandfather. Truth be told, she missed him, despite all of his far-fetched excuses; she missed her entire family, even her arguments with Souta. Though she would never abandon her duty to the jewel and felt a real affection for Inuyasha and the rest of her friends in the feudal era, there was nothing that could ever really replace the feeling of coming home and being surrounded by her real family.

A disappointed sigh rose from Kagome's lips before she could prevent it; it would have been easy enough to return through the well and pass her time waiting with her friends at Kaede's village. But another part of her didn't want to leave the steps; she wanted to be there when her family arrived home to greet them. It was the same part of her that was so childishly disappointed that she hadn't received the warm welcome that she usually did when she appeared from the well.

The heat and warm sunlight lulled Kagome into a light slumber, and soon she was descending into the depths of a fleeting daydream. Flickering images and whispers of memory mingled together to form a strange world in her mind. Silver strands of hair and burning amber eyes gazed at her, and reflexively Kagome raised her hands to her chest. Absently, she noticed the fluttering white sleeve of her hakama, and replied almost automatically. "I'm not Kikyou," she whispered.

"I know you're not!" called a cheerful voice, and suddenly it wasn't Inuyasha who was gazing at her, but Souta. Only Souta had two furry white ears cropping out of his head which twitched and turned in her direction.

"Souta!" Kagome shrieked, shocked. "Where did you get those ears from? Put them back this instant!" she growled.

"No!" Souta answered, his face falling into a sulk that she knew all too well. "If Inuyasha gets to keep you, then I get his ears!" he shot back, grabbing onto the little appendages and turning his back to her.

"Souta!" Kagome called out, her annoyance growing. As she reached for him, however, the ground broke open underneath her feet and her stomach dropped out from under her. "But… I'm not Kikyou!" she cried as a lance of pain seared its way across her chest. Suddenly she was underwater, wracked by the heavy cloying pain in her chest and yet somehow able to breathe.

_ This… this is when I saved her, _ Kagome remembered, wondering if she would see herself dive into the pool. The water rippled, and a darkened figure descended towards her. Kagome looked upwards, her eyes wide. "Help me…" she tried to yell, but when she opened her mouth, only bubbles and miasma poured out.

The figure came into view, and Kagome did a double-take. It was Hojo, and he was reaching towards her, trying to hand her a bag full of his latest home remedy. "Here, Kagome," he said to her, seemingly undisturbed by the water and miasma surrounding them. He pressed a pair of orthopaedic shoes into her hands. "This should help with your illness."

"Help me!" she tried again, batting away Hojo's useless gift and clawing through the water at him. Hojo laughed, and his face grew dark. Then it was no longer Hojo holding her, but Naraku, and his smile was dark and foreboding.

"Help you?" he said to her softly, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Why should I help you? You refuse to help yourself." He laughed, and Kagome opened her mouth in protest. Again, the heaviness pulled her downwards, away from Naraku's arms and towards the depths of the dark pool.  _ I'm going to drown! _ she thought, panic overtaking her.

Naraku's laughter reached her ears, dimmed and faint, but still understandable. "It's not water you drown yourself in!" she heard him cackle as he faded from view.

Kagome tried to scream and clawed at the darkness before her. But Naraku was right, and it was no longer water she was floating through, but something thicker and much heavier, and it weighed on her bones like iron chains. And even as she began to wake, and the dream unravelled and dissipated, she instinctively recognized the darkness choking her. She didn't even need Kikyou's whispered confirmation to know it was the truth.

" _ You are drowning in the past, Kagome." _

"Kagome. Kagome!"

Kagome sat up with a gasp, her eyes wide and her chest heaving. "I'm not-! …Mama?" she said, blinking as her mother's concerned face came into focus.

"Kagome, dear! What were you thinking, falling asleep on the steps like that? You could be suffering from heatstroke right now!" her mother chided gently, helping Kagome to her feet. "You should have warned us you'd be coming home today, Grandpa would have stayed behind to let you in," she added, guiding Kagome up the steps.

Still unsettled from her daydream, Kagome rubbed her arms together and looked around the shrine as if to remind herself that she really was in the present day. "Where were you guys?" she asked after a moment. "And where's Grandpa and Souta?"

Kagome's mother smiled, pushing open the door of the house. "Your grandfather is around the back, re-opening the shrine. Souta decided to stay out with his friends for the rest of today. I think he earned it," she said, her voice softening. "I'm so proud of my little boy!"

Kagome snorted, feeling unreasonably jealous as she watched her mother's face glow. It wasn't that she actually minded her mother's praise for Souta, but it was her first trip back home in almost three months. She knew that as a young adult that she should accept things she didn't like with grace and maturity, but a small part of her wished that her mother would pay attention to her while she was there, and not speak about her little brother. That small note of discontent made its way to the surface in the form of a snide remark.

"He earned it? What'd he do, win first prize at a national video game competition?" she huffed cheekily. She felt a blush rising to her face as her mother pinned her under a stern, disapproving gaze.

"Kagome!" she said, shocked. "I hope your friend Inuyasha isn't teaching you these bad habits! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Kagome ducked and nodded her head, already embarrassed at her small outburst. "Sorry mom, I guess I was... just a little upset," she mumbled. "I missed you guys these past few weeks." She raised her head and quirked an eyebrow curiously. "What did Souta do today that was so great anyway?" she asked.

Kagome's mother smiled and gave her a small squeeze. "Oh honey, I know you're under a lot of stress from your adventure with your friends. But please try to remember not to take those feelings out on us. Today was a big day for Souta. It was his graduation!"

Kagome froze. "H-he graduated?" she repeated dumbly. "You mean he's moving on to Junior High already?" she asked. Seeing her mother's proud nod, Kagome reached the kitchen table and sat down heavily, folding her legs under her. "But… he was just a baby the last time I looked. How could he be graduating already?" she muttered, still surprised.  _ And why didn't I realize it? _ she asked herself silently.  _ Has so much time really passed? _

Kagome's mother laughed lightly, not noticing her daughter's sudden disorientation. "Well, it has been three months, dear. Souta couldn't stay in the sixth grade forever, you know." Sensing her daughter's anxiety, Mrs. Higurashi stilled and seated herself next to her daughter. "Oh Kagome… I'm sorry, I didn't know you would be so upset." She sighed quietly and folded her hands into her lap.

For a moment, Kagome was filled with a sense of relief.  _ At least mom can still read me well enough to know when something's wrong, _ she thought. It was a small comfort, and she always looked forward to her mother's words of encouragement. The comfort drained away into a feeling of more abject horror as her mother misinterpreted her despondency.

"Don't feel so bad, honey. Even though you missed your own graduation, you don't have to worry. Your grandfather and I already enrolled you in summer courses at the local community college. With a little bit of luck and a lot of hard work, you'll still be able to take a high school equivalency exam by the end of the year."

"I-I-I missed my own graduation?" Kagome stuttered, the information slowly processing itself in her brain.  _  I knew I had been spending more time in the past than before, but there was that problem with Inuyasha's sword, and then that other jewel shard… and then I got hurt… it was just never the right time to go home! But I missed _ graduation? Unable to help herself, Kagome began to hyperventilate. "You mean I f-f-failed?" she said slowly. The thought that she could fail at anything had never occurred to her. But as she looked up at her mother's tiny frown, she suddenly knew it was true.

"Oh honey… I wouldn't call it  _ failing, _ " her mother began softly. "You were just… forced to stop attending due to extenuating circumstances."

Kagome made a small, strangled sound in the back of her throat. She suddenly had images of herself, much older, still wearing her high-school uniform and in the same class as her younger brother. It didn't seem so ridiculous anymore, however; junior high was only a few short years away from high school. "You mean I'm a  _ high-school dropout? _ " she squeaked incredulously.

Mrs. Higurashi frowned openly at Kagome's outburst. "You're just pursuing an alternative education, Kagome," she said firmly. "You know both I and your Grandfather love you very much. We'll help you earn your degree no matter how long it takes you."

Suddenly Kagome had to resist the desire to leap over the table and shake her mom wildly. She could see her mother was trying to support and encourage her with her understanding and a kind smile, but it was having the exact opposite effect on Kagome. She didn't want her mom to smile and understand at that moment. What she wanted was her mother to stand up and give her the good yelling that Kagome suddenly felt she deserved.  _ Why do you always have to accept my decisions and choices without question? Why couldn't you just be strict for once, Mama? _ she wanted to yell.  _ Why couldn't you just yell at me for once, tell me I was grounded and had to go to school? Why didn't you warn me I was failing? _ It was all useless anger, she knew; as much as Kagome wanted to place the blame on her mother, there were no excuses for her poor performance outside of herself. She closed her eyes and let out a miserable little sigh. "What's done is done," she muttered out loud to herself.

Mrs. Higurashi looked mildly disappointed, and then sighed quietly. "Well, if you really don't want to continue, then I'll cancel those classes we signed you up for," she began. "I wish you'd reconsider, though…"

"NO!" Kagome yelled, leaping out of her seat and waving her arms wildly. "No, I'll go!" she added quickly. "I don't want to be known as a high school dropout for the rest of my life!" she said, gritting her teeth.  _ Well, technically, it already happened… don't think about that, Kagome! _ she told herself quickly. "Just tell me when the classes start, and I'll go, I promise," she said firmly.

Her mother pushed up from the table, looking delighted. "That's wonderful, honey! We'll talk about the details at dinner tonight. Now why don't you go outside and help your grandfather tidy up the shrine while I prepare the food?" she said with a warm smile.

"Sure… thanks mom," Kagome managed to say with a weak smile, though she still felt like reeling from the intellectual sucker-punch to the gut. As she stepped out of the house and onto the shrine grounds, she turned over her mother's revelation in her head.  _  Have I really gotten so caught up in the past that I've completely forgotten about my life here? _ It seemed true. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Eri, Yuka or Ayumi. In fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she had seen Hojo, apart from in her dream. If she was honest with herself, Hojo's ancestor from the feudal past seemed more real to her than his present-day incarnation.

"I really am drowning in the past," Kagome muttered to herself suddenly, feeling chilled.  _ I know I can't just abandon the jewel, but how could I forget my life here so completely? To not even watch Souta growing up, to have lost all my friends and my entire high school education without even knowing it? _ As she walked, something changed and sharpened inside of Kagome, unconsciously growing with each step she took. It was resolve, and by the time she identified the feeling for what it was, it no longer surprised her.

She rounded the corner of the house and saw her grandfather wave at her from the small storehouse. "I'm not going to let the jewel ruin my life, too," she said quietly as she lifted her arm and waved back. "I'll keep my promise to Kaede, I swear. But I won't let go of my life here anymore. I'm going to earn my diploma this year, no matter what it takes." She took a deep breath, cleansing her mind and calming herself.  _ I foresee a lot of "sits" coming up when I tell Inuyasha about this, _ she thought to herself tiredly. But Kagome was certain she was making the right decision. "I'm not Kikyou," she breathed to herself. "I won't lose my life to that cursed jewel. I'm not her, and I'll prove it."


	2. 01: The Catch-Up Game

Kagome bit her lip apprehensively as she entered the huge building before her. It was only her second day of attendance at the community college and her first day of history class, and she didn't want to be late. She sighed heavily, thinking how she nearly hadn't made it to the summer courses her mother had enrolled her in at all.

Inuyasha had been, as expected, less than pleased at her news that she was going to be spending more time in her home world. Though to be honest, Kagome's demands had been somewhat less than reasonable at first as well. Determined to recover her academic reputation, Kagome had wanted to stuff her entire week full of courses from the college, hoping for a quick recovery before she fell too far behind her peers. It would have been impossible under even the best of circumstances; with Naraku and Kikyou actively gathering the few remaining shards that existed in the feudal era, the small band of friends found themselves having to travel far and wide after the barest hints of the jewel, a task that would inevitably take several days each time.

On the other hand, Inuyasha would have preferred if Kagome had simply accepted her fate and given up on what he considered her abortive attempts to continue a modern education. In the end Miroku had been forced to mediate the dispute, settling on a compromise that made neither party happy but did function relatively well for the group.

So here she was, devoting three days of the week entirely to the pursuit of knowledge. Kagome was actually secretly impressed with the variety of courses that had been available to her; she had always considered school something of a necessary evil, with the classes she was expected to pass handed to her on a plate in pre-defined arrangements and quantities. Granted, there wasn't much that could ever change Kagome's aversion to math, but the dizzying array of choices and specializations available to her at the college had ignited a thirst within her that she hadn't realized she had. Experiencing the wilder side of life in the feudal era had been thrilling at first, but suddenly the prospect of being able to sit down and face challenges other than battles to the death was much more exciting. It certainly strengthened her resolve to complete her education. The greater variety of classes offered at the college had certain distinct benefits for her feudal adventures as well.

The opportunity to fill her missing biology credit with an active sport and field medicine course had jumped out to her as both useful and fun. The study of actual medicine was too far beyond Kagome's grasp to even consider, but it gave her a small thread of hope to grasp onto for her own future. Thanks to Kaede's constant instruction on the preparation herbs and poultices, Kagome was a veritable dictionary of long-forgotten alternative remedies and medicines. _At least I might still be able to make a future for myself as a pharmacist,_ she thought to herself wryly.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Kagome looked down at her hand-written schedule and hustled through the busy hallway, searching for the appropriate classroom. She was looking forward to the next course; she had signed up for the study of the Sengoku period as soon as she had realized it was being offered. It was one of the highlights of her schedule, and an eager smile graced her face as she burst through the auditorium doors.

The smile faltered and faded as she observed her classmates. As with most of her other classes, the students who had enrolled in the community courses were much older than her. Most of them, in fact, weren't even college-aged students at all; they were more around her mother or even her grandfather's age, adults looking to either complete an education they had passed on earlier in life, or trying to fill their free time with a hobby. Kagome found she couldn't relate to the older students at all; she wasn't attending classes as a simple hobby or time filler, her future depended upon them. More upsetting to the young girl, however, was the fact that she found she actually could relate to some of the middle-aged students after a fashion. In each tired, lined face that attended the summer courses she saw the potential of what she could become if she didn't succeed. _It's just as well,_ Kagome thought to herself as her eyes roved over the room full of older students; _if I want to really catch up, I'm not going to have time to make friends anyway._ The thought was small comfort however, in the cold, intimidating and very large auditorium, and as Kagome slinked towards a remote upper seat on the edge of one of the long rows of chairs, she couldn't help but feel very embarrassed and alone despite the crowd.

The lights in the auditorium dimmed suddenly, and the low murmuring among the other students died out.

"You are here because you have expressed a desire to learn about Warring States Period of Japan," a deep voice intoned from overhead. There was the sound of an old-fashioned slide projector being started, and Kagome squirmed uncomfortably in her seat as weak yellow light filled the room from overhead, spilling onto the dingy white wall of the auditorium. A whirring click sounded, and then a fuzzy picture was splayed across the wall. Kagome blinked as the picture slowly came into focus.

"Eh?" she managed intelligibly as she recognized the face of a very famous, handsome actor dressed in full samurai costume, frozen in a bellow of heroic rage as he swung his sword overhead. It was a promotional poster from one of the latest action movies, and Kagome winced at its tackiness. The projector whirred and clicked again, and another picture showed up on the screen. This time it was a screen capture of a very popular console video game showing a few scantily-clad "ninja" women facing off with yet more samurai. Quiet murmurs began to ripple across the student body, and the projector whirred and clicked again. Now the image displayed a popular animated television show, this time prominently featuring a roughened ronin and a lovely priestess in the throes of an epic love story. Kagome sunk low into her seat and covered her forehead with one hand. _Oh please, don't tell me that my history class is going to be taught by an otaku..._ she thought with a small mental groan.

"These are all popular images held today pertaining to the Sengoku period of Japan's history." The speaker paused, and the lights in the auditorium rose slightly. For the first time, Kagome caught a glimpse of the professor, who was slowly making his way down the stairs from the small projector room at the top of the auditorium. The middle-aged man didn't look the part of a rabid pop culture fan; neatly cropped black hair was carefully parted and combed over his head. He was also very tall and dressed in unassuming khaki slacks and a bland tweed jacket. A pair of glasses with thick black rims was seated on the bridge of his nose, and a small briefcase carried under his arm completed his scholarly image. Altogether he should have looked the very stereotype of a typical Japanese teacher. Something about his gait and bearing, however, made Kagome gulp nervously as he brushed by her seat; his looks might have been ordinary, but his presence was clearly commanding and even a bit intimidating.

Reaching the small table at the bottom of the auditorium, he turned around and peered at the confused students critically, lifting one eyebrow ever so slightly as he surveyed the class. "Those of you who are here for reasons pertaining to the three slides I have just shown, please stand." There was a moment of silence, and then some slight shuffling as a few students rose out of their chairs. "Very good," he said after a moment. "Those students who stood are to leave the auditorium immediately," he said crisply. "From this moment on you are no longer a part of this class."

A shocked silence spread through the room as the professor calmly placed his briefcase on the table and snapped it open. He looked up over the rim of his spectacles as one of the standing students spoke uncertainly.

"Um, excuse me, sir, but I think there's been a mistake—"

"Correct," the professor replied crisply, narrowing his eyes at the offending student. "This is a college-level lecture pertaining to the real Sengoku Jidai, not an extra-curricular activity glossing over the baser misconceptions of Japanese history. Your presence here is obviously a miscalculation on your part. Now kindly remove yourself from this auditorium so that the lecture may begin."

The student's mouth snapped shut, and discontented murmurs rippled through the remaining students. Slowly, the standing students began to shuffle out of the room, joined by more than a few of their seated peers. When the noise and commotion finally died down, Kagome noted that the class size was significantly smaller. The teacher's eyes flicked over the remaining students and settled on her, and she had the distinct impression that he was mildly surprised – or disappointed – that she was still there. She shrunk down even lower into her seat, gulping nervously. _Maybe this class is out of my league,_ she caught herself thinking. Then she went rigid, suddenly filled with anger at both herself and the rude instructor. _Wait a second; I've actually been living through the Sengoku Jidai. That's more than this guy has ever done, no matter how intimidating he seems. I have every right to be here!_ Her back straightened, and she sat up and returned the professor's look with an angry glare of her own. _I've faced down demons before, you won't stop me,_ she thought to herself.

Abruptly, the professor pushed off of the table and folded his hands behind his back. He addressed the class professionally, his voice quiet and steady, resonating with unvoiced authority. "My name is Professor Ieyasu Michifusa, though you may address me as 'sir.' I am not here to coddle you, nor boost your self-esteem. I am here to instruct you, and instruct you I shall. Should you prove intelligent enough to grasp the simple concepts I will present over the course of this semester, then you will pass." He paused and regarded the remaining students coolly. "Work hard, and you will find this course to be rewarding. Fail to meet my standards, however, and you will regret it."

Kagome swallowed and felt a small bead of sweat trickle down her neck as his eyes settled on her once more. _What is he, a mind reader?_ she thought to herself nervously. She had to admit, she was unusually young to be attending such a specialized history course. Her academic background wasn't exactly stellar, either. Still, she felt a sense of indignation that he seemed to be singling her out as a potential 'problem student.' No matter that she most likely _would_ be a problem student, considering the strain her already overburdened schedule placed on her daily life. Fortunately, Professor Michifusa's scrutiny of her was as brief and to the point as his introduction to the class had been, and he quickly moved on to the lesson. Kagome was caught scrambling to get her notebook and pen ready in time to take notes as he launched into his lecture.

"The Warring States period is a violent and dark chapter of Japan's history starting in the mid-fifteenth century and continuing well into the early seventeenth century." Michifusa paused and glanced at the students in the auditorium significantly. "I will repeat this for those of you who still retain any romantic notions about the Sengoku Jidai. It was a period of brutal and almost continuous civil war in our country which was uninterrupted for nearly two centuries. For the conditions of that time, that is nearly eight generations which were encompassed by war, intrigue and constant bloodshed."

Kagome felt her indignation die out as her pen stilled over the paper. Professor Michifusa was speaking with a detached, almost clinical approach to the subject, but his words struck home with an accuracy that was painful. Images of the villages she had seen torn apart by humans and demons both filled her head, and she had to fight the bile that rose in her throat. Somehow, when faced with the reality of death on an everyday basis in the feudal era, she managed to push down her despair and repulsion in the name of duty. It really was the only way she could stay sane in the face of that sort of madness, to cling to the sense that she was filling some kind of a higher purpose, that it would somehow explain and justify the horrors that she was forced to witness. Surrounded by the sterile, comfortable setting of the modern world, however, the call of duty was faint at best, doing little to dull the images of suffering and death that plagued her mind's eye.

The professor's calm voice broke through the layer of ice that had frosted over her thoughts, and Kagome blinked and snapped herself back to attention, silently cursing herself for having let her concentration wander so far off course.

"… existence of demons, spirits and ghosts from the time, due to the harsh conditions imposed by constant warfare. More than likely, propagating such myths served to appease and comfort the peasant population when faced with suffering on a daily basis. The notion that supernatural forces outside of human control could shape everyday lives, however, is one that should obviously be discarded immediately." Michifusa's tone took on a scornful quality as he continued his speech. "This lecture will pertain only to the _real_ history of Japan, based on empirical evidence gathered from this time period. Those of you who are interested in chasing ghost stories are more than welcome to leave the class and enroll in a study of Japanese literature and mythology." Once again, the professor's gaze landed on Kagome and lingered there, his brown eyes boring holes through her.

Kagome felt her face go red, flushing with anger and embarrassment. _But demons ARE real,_ she wanted to stand up and shout at him. Another part of her knew that doing so was something he would probably expect, and she wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Aside from the fact that it would make her look even more foolish than she already did. _I might be a high-school dropout, but I'm not stupid,_ Kagome thought angrily. A slight smirk crossed Professor Michifusa's face, and Kagome groaned as his lecture droned on. _It's going to be a long summer,_ she thought to herself wearily.

**\- x – x – x -**

"Mama! I'm home!" Kagome called out, dropping her backpack inside the front door and slipping off her shoes.

"Oh, Kagome dear! You're back already? How was your class?" her mother asked, poking her head out of the kitchen with a warm smile.

Kagome let out a groan and shuffled over to the couch. "Don't ask," she called over her shoulder. She paused as she watched Souta tapping away busily in front of the television, a console controller gripped tightly between his hands. "Move, squirt," she told him tiredly.

Souta grunted, his eyes never leaving the screen. "When's Inuyasha gonna come back to pick you up?" he asked, remaining motionless except for the rapid movement of his thumbs.

Kagome sighed and rubbed her head. "The day after tomorrow. So just be a little patient, Souta, you'll get to see him soon enough. Now move over!" She dropped her hand in surprise as she heard the clicking of Souta's fingers stop, and saw him looking up at her solemnly. _Wow… he really is older than I remember,_ she suddenly thought, realizing how tall her little brother had become in her absence. "What?" she finally asked, a little disconcerted by his unexpected scrutiny.

Souta sighed and shook his head, refocusing his attention on the television. "Nothin'," he mumbled, studiously ignoring her.

Kagome felt her temper rise slightly. Planting her hands on her hips, she positioned herself in front of the television, earning a cry of protest from Souta. "Don't _nothin'_ me, mister," she said sternly, glaring at her brother. "Something's up, now spill!" She narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at Souta when he leaned over, ignoring her and still trying to focus on the game behind her back. "Hey! Talk, or I'll tickle-torture you," she threatened. There was the sound of a loud explosion, and then some cheerful "Game Over" music as the television flashed behind her, and Souta let out a long groan. He threw the controller at the floor and glared at Kagome irately, and she was taken aback by his sudden exasperation.

"Geez, Kagome, why don't you grow up?" he yelled at her, rising from the sofa.

"Look who's talking!" Kagome shot back, feeling her annoyance go up a notch. "What crawled into your pants anyway?" she asked him, crossing her arms. "Don't tell me your video game was _that_ important to you!"

Mrs. Higurashi's head popped out of the kitchen again, and this time a frown marred her features. "Both of you stop fighting this instant. Souta, if you're going to be rude to Kagome for the few times she's here, then you can spend the rest of the weekend in your room."

Souta clenched his fists, his voice already rising in protest. "Aww, come on, Mama…"

"No ifs, ands or buts, and no more video games. March, young man," Mrs. Higurashi said sternly.

Souta glowered at Kagome for a moment, then began to stomp off towards his room. He was stopped as Kagome reached out and caught his arm, her eyes questioning.

"Souta," she said softly. "What's wrong? What'd I do, really?"

Her brother glared at her for a moment longer before speaking. "Why do you always assume I only wanna see Inuyasha when I ask you that?" he told her angrily. Then with a scowl, he shook his arm free of her grasp and scrambled up the stairs to his room. The sound of his bedroom door slamming reverberated throughout the house.

Kagome's mother sighed, shaking her head as she wiped her hands on her apron. "Don't be too harsh on him, Kagome," she apologized softly. "He's still a little bit upset that you weren't there for his graduation."

Kagome closed her eyes and let herself flop face-first into the large couch. "I'm not angry with him," she mumbled from out of the cushions. She was actually feeling twin measures of surprise and depression. It wasn't only from Souta's outburst, though she was kicking herself for having misjudged her little brother so badly. _"If you're going to be rude to Kagome for the few times she's here?" Am I really away that much, Mama?_ she thought to herself miserably. Her head was still pounding from the incessant droning of Professor Michifusa's lecture, and the impromptu sibling argument wasn't helping either.

As if sensing the tension in her daughter, Mrs. Higurashi settled herself on the couch next to Kagome and stroked her shoulder comfortingly. "Why don't you tell me what happened at school, honey," she said soothingly. "Did you have a hard time in class today? If it's too difficult, you could always switch to an easier course."

Kagome pushed her face out of the seat cushion indignantly. "No! It's not too hard, Mama! It's not the class that's difficult, it's the professor!" she protested. Both women paused and looked up at the sound of the front door being slid open. Shortly afterwards, Kagome's grandfather entered the room.

"Ah, my two favourite women in the world!" he joked, his eyes sparkling as he saw them. "How was your class today, Kagome?"

Kagome rolled her eyes and let herself flop back down into the comfort of the couch. With a soft chuckle, her mother pat her on the shoulder and stood up. "Kagome had a hard time today. Apparently her history professor is very strict." She smiled as Kagome let out an unintelligible grunt of agreement.

"Who is this professor?" her grandfather asked, rubbing his chin absentmindedly.

"Me maid mis mame mas Meyasu Michifusa," Kagome answered without bothering to lift her head. She shot up at her grandfather's sudden cry of outrage. "Grandpa?" she asked uncertainly as she saw his face going red.

"Ieyasu Michifusa?" he bellowed, his eyes going wide. "That man is my personal nemesis! You should withdraw from his class immediately, Kagome!" he added with a huff.

Kagome could only watch her grandfather with wide eyes. "Well, he is really mean, but why is he your personal nemesis?" She paused, thinking it over, and then remembered Michifusa's cold dismissal of myths and legends during the lecture. Then she thought about her grandfather's beloved stories and tacky charms and winced. "… never mind," she added quickly before he could give her a long-winded answer. "I don't like him much either, but I need the credits for history, Grandpa. I can't just drop out of his class." _Besides, it's a matter of pride now,_ she amended silently, though her family didn't need to know that.

Her grandfather fumed silently for a moment, then shrugged slightly. "That man has no respect for our ancient traditions or religion!" he said in a wounded voice. "You're a strong girl, but there's no shame in failing any class taught by that man. I'd even consider it something like a merit," he finished, making his way towards the stairs.

Kagome rolled her eyes and settled herself in a more comfortable, normal seated position on the couch. "Wow, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned his name, I didn't know Grandpa was going to get all worked up like that," she admitted to her mother.

"Oh, don't worry, honey," her mother smiled. "Besides, with your cheerful personality, I'm sure you'll win over this professor. Just give him a little time to get to know you."

Kagome made a face. "But I don't want to get to know him, mama. Besides, I don't think that's a very good idea. He already sort of made it clear he doesn't like me all that much." _Hmm, maybe he's not a mind-reader after all,_ she thought. _If Professor Michifusa and Grandpa have locked horns before, then I guess I have a bad reputation on name alone._ "Thanks a lot, Grandpa," she mumbled under her breath.

"What did you say, dear?" her mother asked curiously.

Kagome blushed and shook her head quickly. "Oh, I was just thinking that it might not be a good idea to get to know Professor Michifusa any better, actually. I'm already in enough academic trouble as it is. I don't need people thinking that I have to chase after my teachers and… umm… _befriend_ them to get good grades."

Mrs. Higurashi's face turned thunderous at Kagome's flippant remark and she glared at her daughter sternly. "That's not what I meant and you know it, Kagome. What on earth is that Inuyasha teaching you on the other side of the well, anyway? Do I need to have a talk with him?" she said threateningly.

Kagome bit her lip and stifled a giggle. _Maybe with Miroku,_ she thought privately, glad for once that only Inuyasha could make it through the well. "No, mom, I swear, Inuyasha's not being a bad influence on me. I just meant that Professor Michifusa is pretty old, and he's really uptight too." She sighed slightly. "I don't think he'd appreciate me going out of my way to try and talk to him. I wouldn't put it past him to lower my grades just for attempting it," she admitted with a wry smirk.

Kagome's mother smiled and gave her a quick hug. "Don't worry too much about it, Kagome. You'll do fine! It's a history class, after all, and you have hands-on experience with history now." With a final pat, she released her daughter and hurried back into the kitchen.

Kagome sighed and leaned back into the couch, closing her eyes. "Hands-on experience, yeah. The kind of experience that no one except Grandpa would buy," she muttered to herself. It was true; she doubted even her mother or Souta would have ever believed the stories she told about feudal era, if not for Inuyasha and his dog-ears leaping through the well at regular intervals to drag her back into the past. She sighed again and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, trying to rid herself of her migraine. It wasn't working very well, and after a few moments she gave up. "Mama, I think I'm going to lie down for a bit before dinner," she called out, forcing herself off of the couch and up the stairs.

One of the many niggling sources of her blossoming headache pushed its way to the surface as she entered her room. _Professor Michifusa said we'd only study stuff that was based on empirical evidence,_ she remembered. The reason for her discomfort suddenly reared its head before her in an unpleasant and very ugly surprise. It was something she had always noticed, but never thought about until that moment; like an ever-growing pile of dirty laundry that built up in the hamper, unnoticed until you were actually down to your last sock. "I know there are demons in feudal Japan. They're everywhere! How can there be no evidence of the existence of demons in Japan's history?" She thought of the reputation Inuyasha and Naraku had been carving out for themselves across the countryside. She considered, quite literally, the physical scars the demons they had encountered had left on both the people and the land. _How can that be?_ she thought to herself, her eyes going wide as she flopped onto her bed. _How can there be no evidence of demons from the Sengoku Jidai at all? In fact, where did all those demons go in the last 500 years? What happened to all of them? They couldn't all have died, there were so many…_

The more Kagome thought about it, the less sense it made. For all intents and purposes, any record of demons existing had all but vanished from the modern world. Even if it had been a cover-up on a massive scale, Kagome also knew for a fact that she couldn't sense any demonic presences in modern Tokyo, apart from Inuyasha when he would visit, and the few demons they had fought together on this side of the well who were attempting to get the jewel shards. _I know they still exist… they must still exist! So where are they?_

The explanation she was searching for stubbornly refused to reveal itself to her tired mind, and eventually, Kagome gave up and let her eyes flutter shut. She couldn't shake, however, the sense of unease that had settled into the pit of her stomach. She carried it back with her into the feudal era like a lead weight when Inuyasha came to collect her two days later.


	3. 02: A Familiar Secret

"... and I will be holding your essays until next week, when I've completed my reviews. In the meantime, familiarize yourself with the Ikko-ikki and the Jodo Shinshu Buddhist sect. We will discuss them in detail at the next lecture. That will be all for today." The auditorium was suddenly filled with the bright glare of the overhead lights and the noise of shuffling students as they packed their belongings together.

Kagome blinked, letting her pen drop across her notebook with an annoyed expression. It was already her fourth session of class and Professor Michifusa's grating lectures had, if possible, only grown worse.  _ He could be an army drill sergeant, _ she thought disgustedly, her fingers still sore from her panicked note-taking.  _ I must be inventing a new style of shorthand, _ she noted as she tried to decipher the information she had jotted down.

Despite her dislike for the man, Kagome had to admit that Professor Michifusa was a competent teacher, and the information she was absorbing pertaining to the Sengoku Jidai both delighted and frightened her. Delighted, in that she was beginning to see loose connections and orders to the battles that Inuyasha and her friends would occasionally stumble across in their trek to find jewel shards. It scared her for the very same reason, however; the few times that Kagome could orient herself in the feudal era, a sickening sense of foreboding would overcome her, for she had a vague idea of what fate awaited the villages they passed through. Time played no role in Kagome's calculations. Whether the historic battles were to happen during her travels or a hundred years later made no difference to her. She still knew there would be a terrible struggle, that many people would die, and that knowledge was sobering.

On her last trip down the well, the knowledge had upset her so much that Inuyasha, in a moment of unusual clarity, mentioned that she was beginning to look like Kikyou. That she had understood his comment for what it was meant to be rather than growing angry had both surprised and unsettled Kagome, for in that moment she had also realized that she was beginning to understand her previous incarnation. It was as if her attempt to free herself from Kikyou's path by taking control of her own life was backfiring; the harder she pressed herself to succeed in her classes, the more similar she felt to the undead priestess. On a more heartening note, the half-demon had redoubled his efforts to force Kagome to abandon her studies after he noticed the change; it was, however, endearing only up to the point when she was forced to upset the natural formation of the land with several Inuyasha-sized craters. Ignorance and happiness might have been as integrally linked as wisdom and suffering, but when all counts were tallied, Kagome found herself wanting to land on the side of the well-informed rather than the blissfully oblivious.

With a sigh, Kagome slammed her notebook shut and shoved it messily into her backpack. It had been a long day, and her brain hurt from the lecture almost as much as her body ached from her treks through feudal Japan. All she wanted to do was go home and collapse into the comfort of her room, free from the responsibilities of both worlds. A commanding voice stopped her cold, and she felt her fingers curling involuntarily in response.  _ Oh no, _ she thought to herself with a wince.

"Higurashi," the professor called out. She could feel his glare like a thousand-watt bulb shining on the top of her head, and wondered for a moment if the man could use his glasses to magnify the intensity of his stare and start small forest fires. It certainly felt like she was having a meltdown under his scrutiny. "I wish to speak with you for a moment. Approach the desk," he instructed her.

"Yes sir," she began miserably, standing up and making her way down the auditorium stairs. A few of the exiting students gave her sympathetic glances as she marched down to his lecture table. She felt for all the world like a death row convict walking her last mile. "So, umm… is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?" Kagome began nervously.

Professor Michifusa peered at her incredulously from over the rim of his thick glasses. "Of course there is, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to call you down here," he snorted derisively.

Kagome flushed and shut her mouth quickly, her cheeks burning.  _ Way to go, Kagome, _ she chided herself. She remained quiet, feeling the heavy weight of Michifusa's gaze, tension building in her shoulders. When he finally spoke again, she let out an almost audible sigh of relief.

"I wish to speak to you about the essay you turned in for the assignment two lessons ago," he said, reaching into his briefcase and drawing out a stack of papers.

Kagome fidgeted nervously as he rifled through the pile, finally finding his goal and pulling out the stapled sheets with a slight frown. She recognized it as her own essay and drew her eyebrows together worriedly.  _ Oh no, don't tell me I bombed the first assignment already! _ her brain was screaming. "Is there a problem with my essay, sir?" she asked out loud, crossing her fingers. Her rational mind gave her hyperactive panicking instincts a good kick in the pants.  _ It wasn't that bad of an essay. I'm probably just overreacting, _ she told herself.

"To put it that way would be something of an understatement," Michifusa answered.

Kagome's rational mind seized up in a fit of asphyxiation and died. "W-what?" she managed to stutter out. The irrational part of her mind, having free reign over her thoughts, decided it would be best to let anger take the reins; anger was more productive than panic.  _ What a jerk! _ she thought to herself.  _ He's almost as rude as Inuyasha. I can't believe he'd be so direct! _

Michifusa waved the paper at Kagome, a deep frown etched over his face. "There is more than a slight problem with this essay of yours, Higurashi." Lowering his glasses, he stared at her intently. "You have a quick mind, and an unusual approach to the subject matter presented in this course. In most cases, I would find this to be quite… refreshing," he admitted. "Your thesis, however, is simply unacceptable," he added quickly, pushing his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose with a snort.

Kagome blinked in confusion.  _ I think he just complimented me. No, wait a minute…  _ "What's wrong with my thesis?" she asked warily. "You told us to take a standpoint on Nobunaga's destruction of the Ashikaga family and argue about its effects on feudal Japan. I thought I did that…" she began nervously. The more rational part of her mind, however, had a miraculous resurrection and reminded her bluntly of the subject of her paper.  _ It seemed like a good idea at the time, _ she thought to herself with a sense of impending doom.  _ Professor Michifusa is a lot less intimidating in memory than he is in real life… _

The professor peered at her as though he wasn't fooled by her feigned ignorance. With a large sigh he dropped the paper onto his desk disgustedly and crossed his arms. "I'll get straight to the point, Higurashi. It is very unusual for a person of your age to be attending a higher-level lecture such as this one. In fact," he said, pausing and giving her a significant look, "it would be very easy for me to forbid you to attend this class. Technically speaking, you should have fulfilled the basic level history requirements first before being allowed to study a specialized area in-depth."

Kagome's mouth fell open and she felt her hands unconsciously ball into fists at her side. "Y-you wouldn't dare!" she shouted before she could stop herself. Michifusa looked mildly surprised at her outburst, and gathering her courage together Kagome continued tremulously. "Just because you don't like my grandfather very much doesn't mean you have the right to-" She stopped as the professor's eyebrow quirked.

"Ah, so you are indeed a relation to the Higurashi clan, the family that maintains the Sunset Shrine in Tokyo." A small, almost unnoticeable smirk crossed his face. "I had suspected as much."

That small comment and signal infuriated Kagome more than anything the professor had said in all of his previous lectures. Fuming, she stabbed a finger out towards the man, her eyes narrow with fury. "I knew it! You've had it in for me since the beginning of the course, haven't you? That's so unfair! I can't believe—" she cried shrilly. Her tirade was cut short by Michifusa's curt voice, which had lost all semblance of amusement at her tantrum.

"You are gravely mistaken. While it is true that I question the cognitive abilities of your grandfather, I find it somewhat appeasing to know that there is hope yet for sanity in your family." He paused and regarded Kagome thoughtfully. "You also have an incredible opportunity available to you which most students are not fortunate enough to experience," he said enigmatically.

For the second time that day Kagome's mouth snapped shut.  _ Does he know about the Bone Eater's Well? _ she thought suddenly, regarding Michifusa with shock. "What do you mean?" she probed cautiously, hoping to draw more information out of him.

"Hmm, perhaps I was overhasty in my estimation of your intelligence," he mumbled to himself with a look of disgust. "Are you not aware of the history of the Sunset Shrine? That area was considered sacred ground even before the Sengoku Jidai. You have the rare opportunity to reside in one of the few remaining places in Tokyo untouched by the passage of time." His eyes glazed over, and an almost wistful look crossed Michifusa's features. "You actually experience a piece of feudal history every day," he told her.

_ More than you know, _ Kagome almost answered him, though she was relieved that her secret hadn't been discovered. Instead she bowed her head, suddenly ashamed of her previous loss of temper.  _ I haven't been giving Professor Michifusa enough credit. Maybe he's not as bad as I thought he was.  _ Her charitable thoughts ended as abruptly as they had come as Michifusa continued his speech.

"It is precisely for this reason that I find your essay to be unacceptable. You show much promise and talent for a person of your age, Higurashi." He paused and raised an eyebrow. "In fact, I found my review of your academic history to be rather surprising, considering how intelligent you seem to be."

Kagome felt sweat beading on her forehead as he pinned her under yet another round of intense scrutiny. "Umm… I was ill..." she mumbled. Michifusa didn't look particularly convinced. "… a lot," she added in a tiny voice.

"Ah yes. You suffered under periodic rheumatism. Then there was that nasty case of the bends, followed by a serious bout with gonorrea. I can only imagine the pain you must have caused to your poor family," he added wryly. "And yet how very fortunate that this semester finds you in perfect health."

Face flushed with embarrassment, Kagome fumbled for an explanation. "It's…" she tried unsuccessfully. In the face of the professor's cold, analytical logic, nothing could defend her grandfather's flimsy excuses for her poor school attendance. "It's not catching," she said lamely.

"Your illnesses? Of that I have no doubt. Your grandfather's wild suppositions, however…" He pointed at her essay on the table as if to illustrate his point. "I am not as convinced on that matter. From your writing, it would seem that you are in serious danger of picking up his bad habits."

Kagome scowled angrily. "Hey, don't talk about my grandfather like that!" she said to him. "I know he can be a little… well, eccentric, but he's a good person!"  _ Unlike you, _ she thought viciously.

"You should not allow your archaic religious beliefs to affect your academic studies, Higurashi," he continued obliviously.

"Archaic religious beliefs? Religion has nothing to do with my thesis!" she sputtered. "And what gives you the right to call my grandfather's beliefs archaic anyway? A lot of people still follow the religions traditions of Shinto today!" she yelled.

Michifusa removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking decidedly annoyed at Kagome's outburst. "How else I am to interpret your thesis statement?" he asked her. Settling his thick glasses back into their position on the tip of his aquiline nose, he picked up Kagome's essay and began to read from it. "… documenting several unexplained instances of destruction on a scale completely outside of the scope and funding of Nobunaga's army. Once the impossible has been eliminated, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. It is therefore not illogical to conclude that such destruction may have been caused by the actions of demons in feudal Japan. Certainly the existence of supernatural forces such as demons would offer a plausible explanation for many unexplained occurrences and inconsistencies within Nobunaga's recorded conquests." Tossing the paper back onto the table, he peered at Kagome. "My personal beliefs aside, please explain to me, Higurashi, in which way it would  _ not _ be possible to construe this sort of statement as a religious belief? There is absolutely no evidence of the existence of spirits or demons outside of classical literature. Your thesis statement is attempting to challenge five hundred years of well-established historical fact." His tone of voice and contemptuous stare made it very clear what he thought of her attempt.

Kagome sucked in her breath, her anger growing incandescent. "Wait just a moment there! You're the one who told us that we had to keep an open mind about the interpretation of history! You said that the pursuit of truth was mostly a struggle against established beliefs, and doubly so for the truths buried under the surface of our history books!" She scowled and snatched her essay off of the table, waving it at her teacher angrily like a weapon. "So what if my thesis could be read as a religious belief? Just because YOU don't buy into someone else's theory doesn't mean you can automatically classify it as a simplistic superstition!"

Michifusa quirked an eyebrow at her with a bored expression on his face. It wasn't too surprising; Kagome imagined that his tactless behaviour caused him to deal with angry students on a regular basis. "We are dealing with the study of history, not philosophy, Higurashi. The true study of history is the extrapolation of the truth based on fact, observation and critical thinking." Grabbing the paper away from her, he tossed it onto the floor carelessly. "Trying to argue the possibility of the existence of demons falls under neither fact nor observation, and therefore has nothing to do with this course."

Kagome watched her paper flutter to the ground slowly with a mix of anger and disbelief.  _ What a hypocrite! _ she thought to herself.  _ I don't care if he tosses me out of this class, I'm not going to let him get away with this insult! _ With a scowl, she pulled her backpack off of her back and slammed it onto the table. Digging out her notebook, she flipped through it and opened to one of the pages filled with her illegible scrawl. "Attempt to make your thesis original and interesting," she read. "Cover an aspect of the conflict that has yet to be adequately explained." With a snap, she slammed the notebook shut and glared at Michifusa. "I did exactly that! Just because you don't agree with my thesis doesn't give you the right to throw it away and call it irrational! Did you even bother to read the rest of it?" she growled. "I met the requirements you set for the assignment  _ to the letter! _ "

"The assignment by its very nature is impossible to fulfil," Michifusa answered her smoothly. "Establishing an original thesis on such a well-known and critically analysed historical event is a doctorate-level task. The students of this college are in no way capable of reaching that level of competence now, or perhaps ever. Especially participants like yourself, raw initiates to the study of history," he finished depreciatively.

Kagome's eyes widened with disbelief. "What?" she shrieked, causing the professor to wince from the shrill tone of her voice. "You mean you handed out an assignment with the intention to fail everyone in the class right from the start?" She threw her hands up into the air and sighed noisily in exasperation. "Why are you picking on me then? Just go ahead and fail me with everyone else if you don't like it so much!"

Michifusa's eyebrow ticked slightly and his unflappable countenance began to show a few cracks of annoyance. "The purpose of the exercise was not to induce failure, but rather to encourage critical thinking. The results of the assignment are ultimately secondary to the effort put in to achieving it." He took a step closer to Kagome, his eyes growing dangerously narrow. "Your essay, if you could even call it that, displays not only a prominent desire to fail, but also completely lacks the barest hint of critical thinking!" With each word, he took a step closer to Kagome, his anger growing palpable.

Something was slightly off about the whole situation, and had Kagome not been infuriated at Michifusa, she might have stopped to consider it. Her rational mind, however, was long dead, and worse than that, her pride and her sense of justice had been grievously insulted. Refusing to back down from Michifusa's confrontational behaviour, she crossed her arms and snorted carelessly. "I don't even know why I'm still bothering to talk to you. You're obviously convinced that we students are wrong and stupid, and shouldn't be allowed to express our opinions if they don't agree with yours. And to think, I was actually dumb enough to have some respect for you when this class started!" she said snidely. "My mistake."

"Girl! How dare you take that tone of voice with a superior!" Michifusa fumed, his brow beading over with sweat. "You will show me the proper respect I am due!"

"Respect is earned through action, not status," Kagome said, barely resisting the urge to make a rude gesture at the professor. She met his heated stare with one of her own and planted her hands on her hips.

"Why you—" Michifusa growled.

"Bite me," Kagome answered cheekily. She blinked as a low, feral snarl erupted from his throat, and suddenly the dull haze of anger cleared as if a strong breeze had rushed through the room. She was left feeling chilled to the bone, and suddenly scared. Michifusa towered above her, almost close enough to touch, and for a moment she had a crazy image of him actually accommodating her request. Unable to stop herself, she took an uncertain step backwards, and the professor's rumbling snarl rose in volume.

Michifusa was still wearing his neatly pressed khaki pants, and his tweed jacket was as bland and ugly as it had been before. But she had never really noticed how tall he was until he was towering over her; all of the pocket protectors in the world couldn't hide the power that was thrumming through his frame. The neatly parted black hair he so carefully maintained had slipped out of its stiff coif, curling around his forehead in several disorderly clumps which were dampened and meshed to the skin by sweat. His skin was ashen, flushed pale under his cheeks, and his pupils were dilated with anger, the effect magnified by his thick bottle glasses.

"Oh shit," Kagome whispered to herself, taking another step back.  _ Something is definitely not right here… _ "Mr. Michifusa?" she squeaked nervously, taking another two steps away from him. To her dismay, he followed her, narrowing the gap between them.  _ Personal space being violated, _ she thought frantically.

"How dare you resort to such childish and immature tactics in my presence," Michifusa snarled at her, his voice icy. "I will not tolerate your insubordination to my authority. I will not allow you to-"

Kagome tuned out his words, which hummed with the electric undercurrent of a low growl.  _  What is going on? _ she thought, her eyes darting over Michifusa's tense body.  _ He's totally losing it! Professor Michifusa has never lost his cool before, not ever. This isn't natural! _ And as she searched for an explanation, it came to her in the faintest of pulls, one that caused a cloying fear to choke her throat even as comprehension dawned.

**_pulse_ **

"Oh no…" Kagome whispered, her hand flying to her chest. The small glass jar was still there, securely fastened around her neck by a strong leather cord. After her experience early on with the flesh-eating Noh mask, she refused to let it remain anywhere unattended in the modern era, especially at the shrine with her family.

**_pulse_ **

Her blood pounded in her ears as one answer fell into place.  _ There are no demons in modern Tokyo, at least not until the pull of the jewel's power wakes them. _

**_pulse_ **

Time slowed down, and Michifusa blinked at her. When his eyes opened, his pupils had winked into tiny pinpricks of black, surrounded by a huge iris the colour of frozen amber.

**_pulse_ **

_ Yellow eyes… he has yellow eyes… _ Kagome found herself repeating with shock, feeling slightly numb.

"… Do you understand?" Michifusa hissed, bending down until his nose barely touched hers. The anger radiating off of his body was almost visible, and Kagome held herself very still, though her fear had given way to confusion. She shook her head mutely, and this seemed to anger the professor even more.

"Answer me!" he snarled, his eyes flashing with fury. His yellow eyes.

"… Inuyasha?" she whispered softly, fear making her voice catch in her throat.

Michifusa leapt away from her as though she had burned him, breathing heavily through his nose. He blinked, and Kagome noticed that the frozen amber in his eyes had been replaced with a more familiar shade of pale, muddy brown. Colour flushed back into his cheeks, and he blinked again, as if he was trying to focus. His eyes flickered over her, and she tensed in fear. Quickly, he spun on his heel and faced away from her, attempting to smooth down the unordered clumps of hair on his head. A tense silence rose through the room between them.

Finally, when it was clear that Michifusa was not going to speak first, Kagome took a deep breath. "Umm…" she began nervously. "… Are you going to kick me out of the class now?" she squeaked.

The professor remained motionless, refusing to turn around, and Kagome held her breath.

"… Rewrite your essay, and you will be permitted to stay in the course. You have one week to come up with a new thesis and submit a completed paper. Leave."

Kagome blinked slowly. "What?" she mumbled.  _ What the heck is going on? _ she thought.  _ This guy is some kind of demon who nearly just killed me, and now he wants me to rewrite a stupid essay denying the existence of demons? _ "Sir?" she tried again questioningly.

"Leave," he repeated, his voice growing brittle and holding a note of warning.

Kagome's rational mind was resuscitated by her sense of self-preservation, and she paused only long to reach out and snatch her bag off of the table before fleeing up the stairs of the auditorium. The only thing she could think of as she made her way home that evening was his yellow eyes, and the mystery unravelling before her.

**\- x – x – x -**

A short trip home and a good dinner later, Kagome was feeling much calmer, though her confusion had not abated. The question of who, or what exactly Professor Michifusa was weighted heavily on her mind and skirted on the edge of her lips, begging to be shared with someone. But she didn't dare talk of it in the presence of her grandfather; already, there was no love lost between the human Ieyasu Michifusa and her grandfather; she could only imagine what he'd do if he caught wind that his self-proclaimed "arch nemesis" actually had demon blood in him.  _ The o-fudas would fly, _ she thought to herself with a snort of amusement.  _ Then Grandpa's head would probably fly next, _ she thought more soberly. No, discussing the situation with her family was not an option.

She considered going down the well to ask her friends for advice. But the memory of golden eyes stopped her.  _ What if it really is Inuyasha? What would happen if he confronted himself? _ Interacting with the resurrected Kikyou in the feudal era was already disconcerting enough to Kagome; she doubted Inuyasha would be able to handle that sort of metaphysical conundrum with any grace or skill.  _ Not like I've managed to "handle" my own situation very well either, _ she thought wryly.

That left Kagome alone in her room with the unenviable task of sorting out the problem by herself. Placing the jewel shards on the bed before her, she settled onto her stomach and studied the softly glowing splinters. "Is Michifusa a demon?" she asked them, thinking about her encounters with the professor. It didn't make any sense; Kagome couldn't feel any sort of demonic aura emanating from the man at all.

The jewel fragments winked softly in the light, and Kagome dropped her chin onto her arms with a huff of frustration. "Who am I kidding?" she groaned. "Demon sensing is Miroku's specialty, not mine." It was true; though Kagome had inherited the same spiritual powers and purity as Kikyou had possessed, she had no formal training and only the barest understanding of how to use them. Her specialty, if it could be called that, was sensing the presence of the jewel shards, not the presence of demons that carried them. Her ability to feel the aura of other demons was more akin to a game of hit or miss than skill. Even Sango could sense the evil energy radiated by greater demons much more accurately than Kagome ever could. It had never occurred to her to ask for training to recognize the signs at the beginning of her journey, and towards the end, learning those skills were too painfully similar to emulating Kikyou's troubled life. "I usually only sense trouble right before it tries to kill me," she admitted to the glowing splinters with a foolish grin.

Their soft glow comforted her despite her self-depreciating remarks. "At least no one else can get you guys to turn pink," she said, tapping the side of the jar with a small smile. The smile faded as she tapped the jar again. "Except for Kikyou." Her thoughts sank with the comparison, and she shut her eyes and berated herself for allowing her mind to wander.

"Pity parties won't solve any problems, Kagome!" she said firmly, forcing her eyes open. The jewel splinters greeted her, and grabbing the jar, she clenched her teeth with determination. "I know I'm not THAT bad. If he really was a full demon, I should've sensed something earlier. I have a part of Kikyou's soul after all," she murmured. Her brow creased. "No, wait; she has a part of my soul. Or maybe we have the same soul… ooh!" She groaned and beat her head against the mattress of her bed a few times to clear her thoughts. "None of that matters right now! Focus, Kagome!"

Taking a deep breath, she reviewed her experiences with Michifusa before his outburst. "Definitely nothing out of place before. Why didn't I sense anything? I had the jewel shards with me before, too, and I'm not THAT blind. Besides…" She thought about his lectures.

Michifusa had always been adamant in his denial of the existence of the supernatural. So adamant, in fact, that she was sure his disgust for the subject stemmed from a deep-seated hatred.  _ Would that mean he hated himself? He doesn't seem like the type, though; he doesn't act like he's depressed, he's just plain old mean. In fact I get the feeling the sick bastard enjoys it. _ She thought about his lectures, and the wistfulness with which he spoke about the feudal era when he mentioned the Sunset Shrine. It was as if he had been jealous of her; typical behaviour for a human history buff, but hardly the attitude she would expect from a demon who had experienced the feudal era first-hand. "He's never acted like he's trying to cover up anything when he talks about demons. He means every word he says, I'm sure of it."

Again, her mind drifted back to Inuyasha, and she thought about how the years might change him. "If he really was only a half-demon, that might explain some things, like the hate… but could it really be him?" She blinked slowly and thought about it. The adult, middle-aged Michifusa looked nothing at all like Inuyasha's human form on the nights of the new moon. Then again, she knew age could greatly change a person's appearance; Kaede hadn't been born looking like a wrinkled pumpkin, after all. Once long ago the elderly priestess had also shared the delicate blush of youth and aristocratic features of her hauntingly beautiful undead sister. "And it makes no sense anyway… if he really was Inuyasha, he should know me."

In this Kagome was absolutely sure of herself. Most days she tried not to delve too deeply into her feelings for the half-demon, and whether or not he actually returned them. Even if he was torn between a love for her and Kikyou, she knew Inuyasha well enough to be certain that he would remain her protector no matter what the future brought them. It was also another way in which she vowed to be Kikyou's opposite; she promised herself that they would remain friends no matter who he ultimately decided to give his heart to. Not that it made the pain of his indecision any easier to tolerate; for that, the enchanted rosary was much better at soothing her nerves.

That meandering thought brought to mind an unpleasant question.  _ What if Inuyasha did finally decide who he loved one day? _ Michifusa definitely had Inuyasha's eyes; the more she thought about it, the more certain she was of the connection. "Maybe that means he's a descendant of Inuyasha," she murmured thoughtfully. It took a moment for that concept to filter through her thoughts and comfortably settle down. When it did, she shot off of the bed so quickly her head spun.

"Oh my gosh!" she yelled, her hands clapping onto her cheeks.  _ That would mean Inuyasha had a son or a daughter with somebody! But who? What if… what if it was me? _ The thought that Professor Michifusa could in any way, shape or form be related to the Higurashi family sent a shudder of panic through Kagome. "Let's stop that thought before it goes any further," she said quickly, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to rid herself of the feeling that she needed to bathe.  _ Besides, there's no guarantee that Inuyasha would choose me anyway, _ she told herself reassuringly.  _ He could be Inuyasha and Kikyou's descendant. _ That thought made her choke. Being taught by the snobbish, insufferable son (or grandson) of her previous incarnation was almost as bad as being actually related to him.

"No, no no!" she said, flopping back onto her bed. "This is all wrong. All demons live for a long time. Even Inuyasha is a couple of hundred years old, isn't he? Why is he only on one side of the well, then? Why wouldn't he be here with his son?" She glanced at the jewel fragments and a chill stole over her.  _ What if he couldn't be here? _ "Inuyasha wouldn't let someone like Naraku kill him. I know it." Her voice sounded much more confident than she actually felt. "Maybe he is Michifusa. They both can be pretty rude, after all. And there's no mistaking those eyes. That has to be the answer," she said decisively. She squashed her stirrings of doubt ruthlessly, the echoes that whispered that Inuyasha would never have forgotten their adventures voluntarily, that he never would have forgotten  _ her, _ period. To consider any other possibility would be to admit that Inuyasha could die, and that was something Kagome would never be ready to do.

"Something terrible must have happened," Kagome concluded, closing her eyes and sighing heavily. "Something that changed Inuyasha into what he is now and stole his memory. I've got to find a way to make him remember himself. Nobody deserves to live as a person as horrible as Ieyasu Michifusa," she snorted. Cracking her eyes open, she regarded the small glass jar in her palm. "I'll bet this all has something to do with restoring the jewel," she grumbled.

As if in response, the jewel fragments pulsed lazily in her hand, their soft pastel glow increasing momentarily in time with her heartbeat. They looked so fragile and innocuous, lying in the bottom of the jar and glowing softly in the light. Hardly like the object that had caused such widespread suffering and destruction in the feudal era. Not at all like the curse that had torn apart Kikyou's life and was now in the process of crumbling her own.

They pulsed in her hand once more, and Kagome shut her eyes, suddenly tired of seeing them. "I hate you," she whispered to the jar, squeezing it tightly between her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Kagome's thesis quote is from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, probably more popularly known as "(paraphrased) Sherlock Holmes."


	4. 03: Unsatisfactory Answer

"… and that concludes today's lesson." The usual coughing, mumbling and shuffling filled the lecture hall, and slowly the students began to file out of the auditorium. Kagome quickly slung her bag over her shoulder and dropping her head, tried to make her way as inconspicuously as possible towards the doors. After a few moments, she felt a prickling sensation on the back of her neck.  _ Don't turn around, _ she told herself sternly. Lowering her head even further, she charged forward and ploughed directly into one of the older women in front of her, causing her to cry out in annoyance.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" the woman said loudly, and Kagome quickly bowed and apologized sheepishly. Almost unconsciously, she glanced over her shoulder as she rubbed her neck and froze. Michifusa was glaring at her from the bottom of the auditorium with a distinctly suspicious look.

"Eh heh heh," Kagome laughed nervously, turning around and sprinting the rest of the way up the stairs. She took a moment to inhale sharply as she spilled out into the large hallway, putting a hand on her chest to calm herself down.  _ I just know he's starting to suspect something, _ she thought to herself. It had been two weeks since their encounter over the essay, and in all that time, Michifusa's behaviour had not even hinted that anything out of the ordinary had happened. He was as rude, distant and efficient as ever, both in teaching and his interactions with her. It was almost as if the whole incident had never even occurred, and it was driving Kagome crazy.

There were a few small differences from before, however. One was Kagome's increased sensitivity to Michifusa's presence. She watched him like a hawk with every opportunity that presented itself. Which was not to say that she had very many chances to observe him in class; his lectures were rapid and furiously clinical, leaving very little time for anything other than panicked note-taking. Never having been one to let obstacles such as time and feasibility stop her before, however, Kagome made the decision that Michifusa should be kept under surveillance as often as humanly possible.  _ And if it's not humanly possible to observe him during the class, then I just have to do it afterwards, _ Kagome reasoned to herself. It had seemed like a perfectly sound idea two weeks ago.

As she rushed down the corridor and cautiously tucked herself away in a small alcove near the front doors of the building, however, she began to question the wisdom of her plan. Even before she had begun to employ what she had dubbed her "Super Secret Higurashi Ninja Stalking Technique," Michifusa's glares had always unnerved her. Now that she actually DID have a reason for him to be glaring at her, she had a constant and nagging paranoia of being discovered. "I'm being silly again, I know it," Kagome said to herself as she glanced down the hallway expectantly. "If he really noticed me, he would've said something already." It wasn't a very reassuring argument, but it was better than nothing, and she used it to tamp her nervousness down ruthlessly as she settled against the wall.

Rummaging through her backpack, Kagome drew out the newspaper she had stored there and unfolded it in front of her face. She scanned the paper briefly, pausing only to make sure she was holding it upright, before surreptitiously glancing down the hallway, waiting for her target to appear. Predictably, a few minutes later the crowds of students gradually filtered away, leaving the building only sparsely populated by a few stragglers like herself. After what seemed like an eternity, her patience was finally rewarded by the distinct clicking of Michifusa's polished shoes against the hard floor. Kagome sunk back as far as she could into the alcove and held the paper high over her nose. She waited until she heard the heavy glass doors shut behind him, and then quickly dropped the paper, hurrying outside after him.

Twilight was already descending, something for which Kagome was appreciative of. It made it easier for her to hide herself as she surreptitiously followed Michifusa into the college's communal parking lot. It was almost exactly the same as the previous times she had followed him; the man kept a rigorous schedule even outside of the classroom.  _ Like clockwork, _ Kagome thought with a small mental smirk. Then she let out a squeak of surprise and dove behind one of the cars as Michifusa abruptly stopped walking.  _ Shoot… he didn't see me, did he?  _ Her spirits sank as he called out.

"Higurashi." Michifusa's tone was laced with authority. He might have only said  _ "Higurashi" _ but Kagome knew he really meant  _ "Get out here right now, or else." _

_ Busted, _ she thought as she slowly stood up from behind the car she was crouching behind and dusted herself off. "Oh, Professor Michifusa! Fancy seeing you here! I, um… I just dropped my backpack, and I was picking it up, and… umm…" She broke into a cold sweat as Michifusa turned and raised one eyebrow very slightly in her direction.  _ Think! _ she berated herself and quickly broke eye contact. "… I was looking at the tires on this car!" she blurted out, mentally groaning. "Why will you look at that! They're… uhh… missing hubcaps."  _ Stupid car, _ Kagome thought angrily as she noticed the vehicle she had chosen to hide behind was in less than pristine condition. Calling it a "typical poor student's heap of junk on wheels" probably would have been kind.

Michifusa closed his eyes and removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. She almost swore she could hear him muttering under his breath. Finally, he replaced the glasses and squinted at her irately. "Why are you following me?" he asked her bluntly.

"Following? Who's following?" Kagome answered shrilly, waving her hands with a fake smile. "Really, I was just… just…" Her grin faded under the assault of Michifusa's glare. She was mildly surprised that his thick glasses didn't shatter under the pressure.

"Higurashi, you have been following me for the past two weeks. I find it to be highly inappropriate," he said, striding over to her.

"Inappropriate?" Kagome echoed, confusion crossing over her face as he glared at her. A few seconds passed, and slowly understanding filtered through Kagome's mind. A blush rose on her cheeks, and she took an involuntary step backwards, wincing. "Ugh… no way! Hey, it's not like THAT!" she explained. "I'm definitely not… uh, _ interested _ in you. At least, not that way," she amended quickly. Catching her unvoiced admission of guilt, her face flamed with embarrassment once more. "Besides, I'm not following you!" she insisted stubbornly.

Michifusa remained silent, but his disapproval was practically radiating off of him in visible waves. When he spoke, his voice was coloured with scorn. "Repetition does not transform a lie into truth. Explain yourself," he demanded abruptly.

It caught Kagome off guard, and she fumbled, trying to come up with a plausible reason for her inexcusable behaviour. "Umm, well… ah, you see, that is to say…" she started, clutching at straws for an explanation that wouldn't get her reprimanded or even possibly expelled from the college. The only one she could come up with which she thought Michifusa might believe involved claims of complete insanity, which unfortunately was also sounding more and more accurate by the moment.

The professor made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "You are stalling," he said scathingly. "Answer quickly, before I lose my patience." His tone was menacing, and Kagome felt like a cornered animal.

"Are you threatening to throw me out of class again?" she asked hotly. "Isn't that more than just a little bit dishonourable?"

Michifusa leaned back, unruffled by her outburst. "There is no dishonour in using the weapons I have at my disposal to ward off…" He eyed her bemusedly. "… potential enemies." Focused on her once more with his piercing gaze, a frown etched itself across his face. "Unlike the declaration of an obvious untruth; I find this not only to lack honour but also to be mildly insulting."

Kagome dropped her head in guilty defeat, feeling ashamed of herself. "Alright, so I have been following you…" she said, twisting her fingers together.  _ Ohh, how to say this,  _ she thought nervously. "Well, you see, I'm a little worried about you." Cautiously, she peeked through her bangs at the professor.

He was still standing in front of her, his face frozen in a look of mild surprise. "… What?" he said after a few moments, confused.

"You know," Kagome floundered, feeling her face grow red. "After that conversation we had about my essay…" she began.

"Ahh, that. I see," Michifusa said, his confusion smoothing away into his normal haughty countenance. "Suffice to say, your second attempt was satisfactory. Do not concern yourself over the matter, you will receive an appropriate grade for your efforts," he told her easily.

Kagome's embarrassment was fast being replaced with a mounting sense of uneasiness. "Hey, wait a minute here. I wasn't talking about the essay!" she said to him.

Michifusa sighed and somehow managed to look annoyed despite the fact that his facial muscles hadn't noticeably moved. "What then?" he asked brusquely, obviously growing impatient.

Kagome stared at the professor, befuddled. "Don't you remember our conversation?" she asked him finally.

"Indeed," Michifusa snorted. "I instructed you to correct the flaws in your research paper, and allowed you a week to make the necessary adjustments."

"I meant after that," Kagome replied, exasperated. "You know… the part where you sort of went ballistic?" She bit her lip as Michifusa's face lowered into a disbelieving scowl.

"I went 'ballistic,'" he repeated dryly.

"You seriously don't remember?" Kagome asked again, her own eyebrows shooting up.  _ Well, that explains why he's been acting like nothing's out of the ordinary, _ she thought to herself.  _ It doesn't make sense, though. How could he _ not  _ remember? _ She squirmed as she noted that Michifusa was pinning her under another one of his patented glares.

"While I have long observed the tendency of my students to overreact upon the reception of an unfavourable mark, I do not recall ever having been referred to as 'ballistic,'" he muttered with a look of revulsion. "You are letting your imagination run away with you again, Higurashi." With an almost imperceptible sniff of annoyance, he turned away from her.

_ He really doesn't remember anything,  _ Kagome thought with some surprise. Before she could stop herself, she found her hand shooting out and latching onto Michifusa's arm. "No, wait, please!" she called out. A chill passed through her as the tall man froze and slowly turned his head down to observe the hand resting on his jacket. Just as slowly, his gaze lifted from her hand and settled on her face.

"Remove your arm from my person," he grit out menacingly. His voice grated over her nerves like nails across a chalkboard.

Flinching, Kagome quickly released his arm, remembering the rage he had worked himself up into three weeks ago that had started this whole mess. Swallowing thickly, she tried to appease him. "I didn't mean any disrespect, sir," she began quickly, and forced herself to meet his eyes. "But, umm, I think you…"  _ … are a demon yourself! Sure, go ahead and say it Kagome. Why don't kiss your high school diploma goodbye while you're at it! _ Michifusa was still waiting for her answer, and she tried to convey the most reasonable version of the truth she could think of. "… I think you had a seizure while we were talking," she told him. "You don't remember that at all? I was very scared," she admitted.  _ At least that part is one-hundred-percent honest to goodness truth, _ she thought.

Michifusa regarded her from over the rim of his thick glasses with an air of disbelief. "Are you certain you are not projecting your own 'illnesses' onto others?" he told her incredulously. His frown deepened at Kagome's earnest nod. "You are serious," he said after a moment, looking thoughtful. "I do recall that you appeared to be somewhat unsettled towards the end of our conversation."

_ That would be the understatement of the year! _ Kagome thought with a mental roll of her eyes. "Yeah, well… I was worried you might have a relapse or something. It was kind of scary to see you lose control that last time."

The thought that he might have lost control at all, more so in public with an audience, seemed to strike Michifusa like a whip, and he recoiled visibly with a look of offended horror. Recovering quickly, he stepped away from Kagome. "While your concern is appreciated, you undoubtedly understand if I prefer to leave the medical analysis and treatment of any potential condition to my personal physician. Please refrain from engaging in this sort of harassment in the future," he finished coldly.

Kagome flushed with indignation. "Hey! I'm not stalking you!" she said angrily. "There really is something wrong with you and you can't hide it from me!" This time she refused to shrink back when Michifusa whirled around and used his great height to tower over her.

"While I find your concern to be  _ touching, _ " he said, emphasizing the last word with a clear note of repulsion, "your presence is neither required nor appreciated." He raised his hand as Kagome began to protest, silencing her. "You seem to think that I am making a request of you." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You are mistaken."

Kagome glared at Michifusa, unruffled. She thought it was a rather impressive feat, considering the terrible cramps her neck would have after their conversation was over. "You can't just order me to stay away from you, you know. I can do whatever I like outside of your crummy class. So there!" she said, crossing her arms and scowling. For a moment, she thought the man would respond with another barbed quip aimed in her direction. Instead, however, he closed his eyes and sighed, looking less like an intimidating giant and more like an ordinary middle-aged man, tired and washed out.

"Once again, it appears you are not thinking through the consequences of your actions." Cracking an eye open, he regarded Kagome wearily. "Have you not considered the effect your 'extracurricular activities' would have on your reputation, and mine?"

Kagome glowered at him, feeling another blush steal over her cheeks. "I already said I wasn't interested in you that way," she told him curtly.

"And naturally others will believe you, due to your remarkable powers of persuasion," he finished pointedly. Seeing Kagome's look of surprise and embarrassment, he sighed deeply. "You are naive to a fault, Higurashi. Thank you for your concern, but it is completely unnecessary," he told her stiffly. "I trust we will not be required to repeat this conversation in the future." With that, he turned away.

Kagome watched his retreating back and let out a huge breath of relief. "Wow, that went better than expected," she said to herself. She furrowed her brow, considering her options.  _ Well, he noticed me, so tailing him after school is out of the question. I can't give up now, though. _ Narrowing her eyes, she spun around and made her way back towards the street. "So if he doesn't want me following him… hmm," she grinned to herself as a plan began to form. The possibility of actually doing what he had asked never even once crossed her mind.

**\- x – x – x -**

_ Click. Clickity click click. Click click. _

Kagome's fingers flew over the keyboard. Her eyes were glued to the monitor in front of her, and she scanned the screen rapidly. Finding what she was looking for, she brightened and let out a small cheer.

"Ah ha! Ieyasu Michifusa, here he is." She blinked and looked at the screen again. "Forty-eight years old? You've got to be kidding me," she said with a note of disbelief as she glossed over his record. "Late thirties, maybe, but almost fifty? There's something definitely wrong here," she noted. Scanning the page further, she smiled as she found the address she was looking for. "Hmm… he lives in Setagaya!" she noted with some surprise. "If I take the rail, I can make it there in about half an hour…" Kagome leaned back and glanced at her clock, calculating the time it would take. "Shoot, but I don't want to be so late that I miss the last train…"

"Honey! Dinner's ready!"

Kagome was jolted out of her musing by her mother's voice. Standing up and rolling her shoulders, she cracked her neck and made her way out of her room. "If I get out before eight, it should still be okay," she mumbled to herself, rushing down the stairs and seating herself at the table.

Her mother, grandfather and little brother were all sitting around the low table, which was heaped with a large steaming bowl of rice and several small, delicious looking dishes on the center of the table. Kagome inhaled deeply, enjoying the rich smell of real home cooking, and smiled thankfully at her mother.

"I'm so glad we could all be together for dinner today," Mrs. Higurashi said softly, returning her daughter's smile. It faltered slightly, however, as Kagome nodded quickly and reached for the bowl of rice, quickly piling her plate high with food.

"Mmm… this is delicious, mom!" she said between rapid gulps, hurriedly shovelling her dinner into her mouth.  _ I wonder what time it is now, _ she was thinking to herself as she ate. She was so caught up in her planning that Kagome didn't notice the glare her grandfather was directing at her or her mother's disappointed look. She did notice, however, when Souta began to snicker.

"Piggy piggy piggy!" he teased, pointing his chopsticks at her.

Mrs. Higurashi sighed loudly. "Souta! Behave!" she scolded, causing the young boy to sulk. It didn't stop him, however, from making few more small grunting noises in Kagome's direction with a mischievous grin. "If you don't stop that this instant, you won't get any dessert," she said with a note of warning.

Kagome smirked and paused eating long enough to stick her tongue out at her brother. "Serves you right, you little monster," she told him, giggling as he glared at her. Grabbing a glass off the table, she chugged down her water and swallowed loudly before speaking again. "Umm, mom… I sort of have to go out again after dinner," she explained.

Mrs. Higurashi dropped her own chopsticks onto her plate with an audible clatter, and her grandfather let out a loud snort. "What?" they cried out in unison.

Kagome blinked, pausing momentarily to regard them both. "What's the big deal?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"A young girl like yourself shouldn't be wandering the streets of Tokyo at night!" her grandfather said instantly, causing Kagome to roll her eyes.

"I agree with your grandfather, dear. I don't think you really understand the dangers of wandering around this late by yourself," her mother added.

Kagome groaned loudly. "Mama! I'm eighteen years old already! I've been risking my life with demons almost constantly for three years in the feudal era. I think I can take care of myself in Tokyo at night."

Mrs. Higurashi sighed deeply. "Yes, I know you can take care of yourself on the other side of the well, Kagome. That nice boy Inuyasha and your friends are there to help you out. But what about here, in our time?" Her voice became gentle. "It wasn't so difficult when you could convince Ami or Yuki to go with you, but now you're all alone. Honey, you just don't know—"

Kagome tuned out the rest of her mother's argument, a scowl settling across her face.  _ Thanks for bringing up my social life at the dinner table, Mama, _ she thought dryly. "I'm not that far gone yet! I'm a big girl, I know how to take care of myself in the city," she said with exasperation. "Anyway, you can't stop me. This has something to do with a problem I'm trying to solve in the feudal era," she continued more gently. "It's very important to our quest."  _ Well, it's close enough to the truth, and at least that should get Grandpa off my back, _ she thought privately.

Souta interrupted, his eyes growing wide. "Oh cool!" he shouted. "So you mean Inuyasha is going to come over and help you out? We haven't seen him in like forever!"

"NO!" Kagome yelled a little too loudly. "And if he does come through the well looking for me, don't mention this to him!" she added quickly. This time Kagome noticed the multiple stares that were directed towards her from around the table.

"Kagome, is there something you're not telling us?" Mrs. Higurashi began quietly with a concerned look.

_ I hate lying, _ Kagome thought miserably as she met her mother's eyes. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was digger herself into a deeper and deeper grave.  _ It can't be helped, _ she thought after a moment, and took a deep breath. "Well, the problem is sort of about Inuyasha. He doesn't know it yet, though." Seeing Souta's face grow anxious at the thought that his hero could be in danger, she waved her hand reassuringly. "No, you don't need to worry about Inuyasha, there's nothing wrong with him. It's just… umm, well, it's something I found out in my history class that might not have happened yet," she explained. "I just have to find out for sure," she added quietly, dropping her eyes to her plate and staring at it blankly. No matter how skilfully she tap-danced around the problem with her family, her last statement was brutally honest; Kagome knew she wouldn't be able to rest or perform well in either time until she had an answer for what was happening to Michifusa and an explanation for the absence of demons in the modern world.

Her mother regarded her suspiciously for a moment longer, looking as if she didn't entirely believe Kagome's explanation. She did finally seem to understand her daughter's silence. "Well, okay. But don't stay out too late, dear," she said softly.

Kagome blinked and looked up, a sunny smile breaking over her face. "Thanks Mama!" she cried out, springing up from her seat and rushing around the table to plant a quick peck on her mother's cheek. "I have to rush, I don't want to miss the late train," she explained hurriedly as she scrambled away from the kitchen table and grabbed her shoes and a small backpack. In less than a few minutes, she was ready, and with a final yell and a wave, slammed the front door and escaped into the night.

Back inside the house, the three remaining members of the Higurashi family sat silently around the table, still absorbing Kagome's whirlwind exit from the shrine. The rice had stopped steaming, but no one made a move to touch the rapidly cooling food. Finally, Souta broke the silence.

"I'm going to my room," he declared, his face surly as he tossed his chopsticks noisily onto the table.

"Souta, wait—" Mrs. Higurashi called out, but a gentle pressure on her arm stopped her from continuing after her son.

"Let him go, my dear. He needs some time alone," her father said gently.

Mrs. Higurashi blinked back some tears unexpectedly. "I know, Papa," she said softly. "But… I don't want to lose him, too."

The old man closed his eyes, looking very serious. "We haven't lost our Kagome yet," he corrected her firmly.

"Haven't we?" Mrs. Higurashi countered more forcefully than she had intended. "Look at her, even when she's at home with us she's not really here with us." She looked wistfully at the half-eaten remains of the ruined dinner; she had spent all day preparing it, a collection of Kagome and Souta's favourite foods. Now the meal lay abandoned, much like her hope of having the entire family spend some quality time together that evening.

"It's her duty to the Jewel of the Four Souls. You know that she can't back away from her destiny," Grandpa Higurashi said comfortingly, seeing his daughter's sadness.

Mrs. Higurashi stood up suddenly, throwing the towel that had been slung over her shoulder onto the table and noisily clearing away the dishes. "You're right of course, Papa," she said, a bitter look on her face. She was stopped as her father stood and drew her into his arms in a surprisingly strong hug, despite his frail appearance.

"Don't worry. Have confidence in our Kagome, she'll manage to find a way to make everything right again," he reassured her.

"I know, Papa, I know," Mrs. Higurashi said, sniffling loudly. "But will her answer ever include us?" Her father stroked her back once more but remained silent, and she closed her eyes in resignation.

**\- x – x – x -**

Kagome stood under the streetlamp on the sidewalk, staring at the row of houses on the street with wide eyes. "Wow," she breathed, shaking herself out of her stupor and glancing at the numbers lining the doors. "I can't believe Professor Michifusa can afford a whole house to himself!" she whistled as she found the street number she was searching for. Sure enough, Michifusa's car was standing in the driveway in front of the small, unassuming white building. "Time to go into Secret Agent Kagome mode," she giggled to herself, slipping out from under the streetlight and slinking towards Michifusa's small yard.

Her efforts to be stealthy were something of a wasted effort; in her hurry to get out of the house, Kagome had forgotten to change into darker clothing. She was sure her bright yellow shirt was glowing like a neon light bulb in the moonlight. To make matters worse, Michifusa's neatly manicured lawn was practically free of any hints of shrubbery. Only a few small bushes stood near the windows, and Kagome quickly snuck up to the house and tried to hide herself behind one of them. She wondered if she looked as silly as she felt.  _ This is no time to get distracted, Kagome, _ she told herself sternly.  _ You have a mission to fulfil! _ Crouching down underneath the windowsill, she glanced around to make sure that she hadn't yet been noticed, and then yelped as a few of the branches snagged on her clothing and scratched her bare arms.  _ Shoot, this looks a lot easier in the movies, _ she cursed to herself, extracting herself from the bush's prickly grasp. Taking a deep breath, she collected her courage and then carefully raised herself up, peeking in through the window panes.

She wasn't surprised by what she saw; a tiny lamp on a plain black table was spilling warm yellow light into an almost barren room. A very few small sculptures and framed prints lined the walls, all undoubtedly having some sort of historical significance that completely escaped Kagome. There was also a dark sofa next to the black table, and arranged in front of it was yet another low coffee table. A few magazines and a folded newspaper were carelessly scattered across its top. The only other detail that caught Kagome's eye was the colourful calendar hanging on the wall directly across from her. It displayed a large, bright photograph that stood out like a sore thumb in the midst of the otherwise sterile, washed out décor of the room.

"He doesn't even have a television," Kagome noted, not really surprised by the information. Unfortunately, as interesting as it was, her goal was to observe Michifusa himself, not his natural habitat. Glancing around the room once more, she sighed and prepared to move on. The flickering of a shadow across the doorframe caught her eye and she froze, her breath catching nervously in her throat.

Sure enough, Michifusa stepped into the room, still wearing his khaki pants but mercifully freed of the ugly tweed jacket that Kagome had been beginning to suspect was welded onto his body. He was in the process of unbuttoning the cuffs of his long white shirt and he strode through the room purposefully. With a squeak of surprise, Kagome quickly ducked down and held her breath as he passed by her window, her heart pounding. After a few moments, she snuck a peek back into the room, and was relieved to find that Michifusa hadn't seemed to notice his voyeur. His glasses were gone, the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows and a large, squat glass of what she guessed was some kind of alcoholic drink was held in one hand. With a sigh, he flopped down onto the sofa and picked up the newspaper, unfolding it as he sipped the drink.

Kagome blinked and watched him carefully.  _ Look for any signs out of the ordinary, Kagome! He's relaxing now, his guard's down! _ She peered at his face, trying to make out the colour of his eyes. It was no good; he was sitting too far away for her to tell. She moved to his ears, looking for any suspicious points that might have poked through his black hair, but they were normally rounded. She tried his fingers, next, looking for tell-tale signs of claws. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, however; in fact, he looked like the epitome of a normal mature bachelor, enjoying a nightly glass of brandy and his favourite newspaper. The scene was so unremarkably domestic that Kagome found herself almost disappointed.  _ Almost. _ She noted with some wry amusement that a relaxed Michifusa still held himself more stiffly than an honour guard on full dress duty.

After another five minutes of scrutiny, Kagome began to get bored. Michifusa hardly moved, occasionally flipping a page in the paper or reaching for his glass, which he had placed on the small stand next to the couch.

When about fifteen more minutes of less-than-intense scrutiny had passed, Kagome concluded that Michifusa was reading every single byline, footnote and advertisement that was printed on each page of his paper.  _ It seems like something that would be just anal retentive enough for him to do, _ she concluded with frustration.

Roughly an hour later, Kagome was still bored, uncomfortably damp from the sweat beading on her neck and under her armpits, and her legs were beginning to hurt from remaining stiff and motionless for so long. She had been making up small games to keep herself amused as she watched Michifusa read. Unfortunately the room was so empty that playing a mental game of "I spy" with herself was over almost before it had begun. She was also beginning to note with some resentment that the man really knew how to nurse his drink. The urge to storm through the window and into the room, pinch his nose shut and pour the remainder of the damned liquid down his throat was getting stronger with each minute that passed, spiking slightly each time he lazily fingered the glass.

_ This is pointless, _ she thought to herself, wincing as she shifted positions slightly and felt her knees popping. Blowing her bangs out of her eyes, she forced herself to look back inside the room. Nothing had changed, so she focused on the cuff of his pant leg. Her attention lasted for all of about ten seconds, and her eyes slowly drifted to the sleeve of the white shirt that she could see sticking out from the edge of the newspaper.  _ Stiff and starchy, I bet that itches, _ she thought with a small measure of smug satisfaction. It made her feel a little better to pretend that Michifusa might be as uncomfortable as she felt. Growing bored quickly, she lifted her eyes to his face as he shifted and lowered the paper slightly.  _ I wonder where he got that hook nose from, _ Kagome thought to herself as she studied his features. It was a mildly unusual for a Japanese man to have such a large nose; then again, he was also incredibly tall, even for a westerner.  _ Maybe one of his parents was a foreigner. _ She winced at the logic; if that was true, it would mean that Michifusa really wasn't a demon at all.

Her mind ground to a halt as she stared at his face, realization suddenly rearing up and smacking her in the face.  _ How could I be so stupid not to notice it before? _ she berated herself, her eyes flickering over his face. Michifusa was still intently reading his paper, even flipping a page and blinking slowly as she watched. That was the crux of it; he was reading without the aid of his bulky, bottle-thick glasses.

_ So he just wears those ugly things to intimidate his students? _ she thought to herself with confusion.  _ But they look so stupid! _ She took in his features once again and with a start, realized that he wasn't all that bad looking without the heavy glasses. Sure, he could do with a new hair stylist, and in her opinion he definitely needed a fashion consultant, but the more Kagome watched him, the more she realized it was true.  _ He's not bad looking at all! Wow, if he'd just try a little, he could be pretty handsome… for a forty-eight-year-old, _ she reminded herself, wrinkling her nose.

Lowering herself slowly from the window, Kagome settled herself on the damp ground and mulled over the latest mystery surrounding her history teacher.  _ I wonder what's up with that hokey Clark Kent disguise? _ she thought to herself. She considered his features, and then his obvious aversion to contact with students, and smiled slightly.  _ Maybe he doesn't want anyone to notice that he's good looking, _ she thought to herself.  _ Hah, gotcha! _ she crowed to herself, lifting herself up to the windowsill again.

It made more and more sense the more she thought about it; his yellow eyes, the loss of his temper, his good looks and his questionable age;  _ he really must be a demon, _ she thought, narrowing her eyes. If that was true, she wondered why he hadn't noticed her presence yet.  _ I've probably failed just about every ninja test possible for a stakeout, _ she thought with a grimace.

As if on cue, Michifusa abruptly folded up the paper and tossed it lazily onto the table. He stood, and Kagome's mind froze like a deer caught in headlights.  _ Oh no, here it comes, _ she thought with a note of panic.  _ Now he'll come over to the window and look at me, and then it'll be all over… my chance for a career and my reputation! _ She began to hyperventilate slightly, her brain cooking up several varied and colourful worse-case scenarios of being discovered.

Instead, Michifusa only stretched lazily and reached for the glass that had been torturing her all night. Tossing his head back, he drained it completely and then strolled towards the door. Kagome watched in fascination as he stopped, regarding the bright, tacky calendar that she had noticed hanging on the wall earlier. He stood still for a moment, as if he was reading something written there, and then turned away, his normally impassive face dropping into an ugly scowl. Kagome watched him leave the room and then blinked, turning her attention back to the bright picture.

_ I wonder what upset him? _ she thought, trying to see if there were any notes scribbled across the dates on the calendar. To her surprise it looked pristine and unmarked; then again, she was so far away she couldn't even make out the numbers on the thing. Squinting one last time, she gave up and studied the bright picture hovering over the dates.  _  Hmm,  _ she thought to herself, a new idea forming in the back of her mind. She carefully committed the image to memory before sneaking a glance at her watch. Her eyes widened and she nearly yelped, clapping her hand over her mouth just in time.

"Oh my gosh! It's so late, Mama's gonna kill me!" she whispered to herself as she gathered her things and scurried away from Michifusa's yard. She managed to return to the Sunset Shrine without incident, and didn't even notice the contemplative look that her mother gave her as she rushed to her room.

The very next day, as soon as Kagome was finished with her classes, she visited the largest bookstore she could find and made a beeline for their calendar section. After some careful searching, she finally found what she was looking for, recognizing the gaudy picture splayed across the back jacket as the same image she had seen in Michifusa's house. Turning the calendar around, she read the title out loud.

"Great Modernist Works, 1910-1945," she said, her brow furrowing. Flipping the calendar over once more, her eyes skimmed the small block of text on its back, searching for a clue as to what had caught Michifusa's interest. The style of the pictures certainly didn't seem to be in keeping with his tidy personal habits; bright, fragmented and almost violent, they were a direct contrast to his smooth and unflappable public image. She poured over the text more carefully, searching for any clues she could find.

"… Modernism presents a fragmented view of humanity, actively seeking to destroy established traditions while at the same time lamenting their loss." Her brow furrowed. The words created a sense of uneasiness in her that she couldn't shake off. Turning the calendar over once more, she flipped thorough the pages until she found the current month. Ignoring the huge photograph, she scanned over the dates printed inside instead. "Hey," she noted with surprise. "This thing marks the cycles of the moon!" Her fingers hovered over the pages and her breath caught in her throat. "The new moon is going to rise next weekend."

Something clicked, and Kagome flipped the calendar shut, replacing it onto the shelf with a small smile. "That must be it," she concluded.  _ I'll find the answer to your secret on the night of the new moon, Michifusa! _ she promised, her eyes narrowing with anticipation.


	5. 04: A Disagreeable Revelation

Kagome concentrated on stilling her breathing, squinting as she stared down the shaft of her arrow.  _ I'm down to my last one. Come on, Kagome, I know you can do it, _ she told herself. Taking careful aim, she focused on her pulse, willing it to slow down.

_ Thum-thum. Thum-thum. Thum-thum. _

She took a deep breath and held it, carefully counting the beats of her heart.

_ Thum-thum. Thum-thum.  _ **_Now!_ **

Her fingers released the arrow in the short pause between the rhythmic pulsing in her ears. It sprung out of her hands with a sharp whistle, racing towards its target. There was a muffled thud, and Kagome noted with satisfaction that the arrow had flown true, embedding itself deeply into the target on the edge of the central yellow ring. She smiled even as she heard her instructor's grunt of approval from behind her back.

"You're getting better, Miss Higurashi," she heard her teacher say behind her. "It's not often I get to see someone so young taking this sport seriously," she added. "Keep this up, and you'll be able to hit the center of that target in no time." Turning around, the teacher clapped her hands loudly, calling out to the rest of the class. "Okay, practice is over. See you next week!"

Kagome bowed slightly, flushing with the praise, and made her way towards the target to retrieve her arrows. Trotting back to her place on the range, she waved down her instructor eagerly. "Is it okay if I keep my target out for just a little longer?" she asked breathlessly.

"Kagome, you know I have to lock up now," her teacher said, pausing as she took in Kagome's comically pleading expression. "Oh, fine," she said after a moment, her eyes crinkling with amusement at her youngest student's antics. "You can stay and practice a little more if you like. Just take the whole thing home with you and be sure to bring it back next class."

Kagome smiled brightly and nodded her thanks, moving back to her position on the field. She rolled her shoulders and then busied herself with arranging her arrows in a long, impromptu fence at her feet by driving their tips into the soft earth. By the time she was done, her instructor had finished collecting the rest of the students' targets and was leaving, and she waved a short farewell to the older women. Then she picked up her bow once more and grabbed an arrow out of the ground, stringing it through the weapon. She took a deep breath and squinted, aiming carefully at the bright yellow ring in the center of the target.

_ Shhhh! _ The arrow flew out of the bow, embedding itself into the edge of the secondary red ring. Kagome's eyes narrowed in annoyance. It was almost the same shade of red as Inuyasha's fire-rat robe. She grabbed another arrow and pulled the bowstring taunt once more.

_ Thwack! _ This time the arrow landed directly into the upper center of the red ring.  _ That idiot,  _ she thought to herself with annoyance. It had been bad enough that they had unexpectedly run into another one of Naraku's twisted children during her last trip. As usual, the fight had been exhausting and messy, with several serious injuries on both sides but still no clear resolution at the end.

_ Thwack! _ Her next arrow strayed even further towards the edge of the red ring - this time, however, away from the center of the target. Kagome grunted, grabbing another arrow and trying to focus despite her wandering mind.  _ Distractions happen all the time in the feudal era, _ she told herself as she took aim.  _ Just like in our last battle, _ she thought suddenly, cursing as the stray thought ruined her concentration and sent the arrow wobbling pathetically towards the target from her faulty release. She sighed as it plonked clumsily against the wide outer blue ring and fell to the ground.  _ I think I just managed to kill a blade of grass, _ she congratulated herself.

She focused on the target again and squinted at the large blue ring.  _ That's entirely too far away from the center for comfort, _ she mused. "I definitely don't like blue," she declared out loud.  _ Blue, like Kouga's eyes. Another thing I don't like. _ Her teeth grit in anger and she fired her next arrow quickly. Without pause she grabbed another and fired again. "I can't believe them," she hissed with indignation, feeling her temper flare as she worked.  _ We're stuck in a life or death situation, Miroku is out cold from hell wasp poison, Sango is having a mental breakdown over Kohaku, Naraku is trying to kill all of us and the only thing those two meatheads can do is argue over who should get to save me! _

_ Thwack-thwack-thwack! _ The arrows were beginning to pile up rapidly around red ring on the target, a few even landing in the yellow bull's eye. Kagome hardly noticed, however, too carried away by her fury to celebrate.

_ If it hadn't been for these archery classes, I might have been hit by that last… ugh… hairy-tentacle thing! _ "Men are so useless!" Kagome exclaimed out loud. Her anger reaching its peak, she grabbed her last arrow and fired again, and then let out squeak of mortification as it flew towards the target in a blazing comet of light. "Oh no!" she yelled, panicking. "Wait, come back, don't purify the—" She winced as there was a brilliant burst of light and then the distinct sound of something sizzling. When she squeezed open her eyes, only a few half-burned arrows and a large patch of ash in the middle of the grassy field remained. "… target," Kagome finished miserably.  _ Great, Kagome. Rack up yet another college expense, Mama's really going to love this one, _ she berated herself.

Her practice being prematurely ended for the day, Kagome salvaged what was left of her arrows and began to pack away her equipment, folding up her bow and storing it in its case. She eyed the blacked metal rod that was once one of her arrows and let out another sigh. Her modern arrows were top of the line and very expensive, and Kagome had once again burned the feathers cleanly away from the shaft.  _ At least replacing the feathers is cheaper than replacing the whole arrow, _ she thought with some degree of comfort.  _ Those guys at the sporting equipment store probably think I'm a feather-eating freak by now, though. Or a pyromaniac, _ she noted, making a half-hearted attempt to clean the soot away from the arrow's shaft. "Well, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut around their best customer," she mumbled to herself in resignation.

Modern archery equipment was something Kagome was discovering during her time at the college. It was strange; she had always been reluctant to actually practice with the traditional bow she carried with her in the feudal era. Though Kagome had at least managed to learn how to stop herself from bruising her arm on her own, her aim remained woefully incompetent for almost the entire first year of her adventuring. The second year had led to a refinement of her previous technique, which had been until then "point in the general direction of danger, say a little prayer and fire." Naraku had become deathly serious about collecting the remaining jewel shards; by then Kagome could no longer afford to ignore the usefulness of her bow if just for her own personal safety. It had always grated on her nerves, however, at the unvoiced similarity it gave her to Kikyou. Even if her own friends were too polite to mention it, she knew they were thinking it. Sometimes, she swore she could even feel Naraku echoing that sentiment when she would aim her holy arrows at him.

So it had been with some surprise that she found herself choosing to fill her physical education requirement with the archery class the college was offering. Kagome's motivations had been less than noble; as she already knew how to shoot a bow fairly competently, she had assumed the class would be a no-brainer, and with her busy schedule she needed as many of those as she could get. She had also assumed it would be a painful experience, a romantic class involving traditional dress, traditional equipment and perhaps more mental baggage than she was ready to accept. To her surprise, both of her assumptions had been proven wrong. The class was anything but traditional; for one, the students were of mixed gender and her instructor's approach to archery could best be described as scientific. Another difference was that the course was held in open air, switching to indoor weight training at the college's gymnasium only on days when the weather was too unforgiving to permit their normal practice. The students were encouraged to wear sporting clothes, preferably tight enough to prevent problems with unexpected and potentially dangerous catching in the bowstrings. For Kagome, the freedom to wear spandex or a tank-top while shooting already put a much needed distance between herself and Kikyou. On top of that, she found it was a huge relief to practice in modern clothes rather than a thick, many-layered traditional archery costume under the sweltering heat of the summer sun.

The archery equipment was also a huge surprise to Kagome; she had grown so accustomed to using her Sengoku-period wooden bow that she hadn't even recognized the folded up silvery contraption that she was given on her first day of class. She had mistakenly thought the extremely lightweight and technical-looking device was a target stand of some sort, and had been thoroughly embarrassed in front of the other students when her instructor had to unfold the fibreglass bow and string it up for her. The embarrassment had faded with the first round of shooting, however. Kagome had discovered that she would have to  _ unlearn _ several of the bad habits she had managed to teach herself. But three years of life-or-death archery in the feudal era had left its mark, even on an unwilling student. Incompetent she might be with modern equipment, but when it came to hitting the target consistently, Kagome ranked comfortably among the best students in the class.

The protective arm guard and tiny finger tab provided for her had also surprised Kagome; she couldn't count the times they might have saved her fragile skin from the red whiplash of the bowstring or prevented painful blisters from forming on the tips of her fingers. It was more wishful thinking on her part, however; she no longer needed the arm guard, and while she did bring the glove back with her to the feudal era, the tips of her fingers had become so rough and calloused from use that it didn't actually offer any significant protection to her.

What surprised Kagome the most about her lessons, however, were the arrows. In the feudal era, her practice of archery always involved a scavenger's mentality, taking whatever materials she could find and shooting them haphazardly out of her (periodically replaced) wooden short bow. In her class, however, she had been surprised when her teacher had stopped her, explaining that the arrow she had carelessly chosen didn't suit the strength of her bow. A more appropriately sized smooth bamboo arrow had been placed in her hands, and then she had taken aim at the target.

Kagome had long learned in the feudal era that her aim was terrible; if she sighted her target head-on, invariably the arrow would fall more than a few centimetres below the spot she had been aiming for. She had chalked it up to her weak arms and had gotten used to automatically correcting her aim to be slightly higher than her intended goal. Following her standard practice on that day, she had dutifully targeted the bright yellow ring in the center and then shifted the point of her arrow up several notches to the large black ring near the edge. She remembered thinking that the string of her bow had felt much easier to draw back than her traditional short bow, and had privately worried that she might break it. Then she released, and had watched in surprise and fascination as her arrow sailed towards the target smoothly, whistling as it parted the air to embed itself very deeply into the black ring she had been unwittingly aiming for. Her first dazed thought was that she had shot an arrow just like Kikyou. Her second thought was that she shouldn't have waited so long to learn about archery and her third and final coherent thought was that she was going to go on a shopping spree as soon as the class was over.

Which brought Kagome back to the present day; it looked like she would have to squeeze in yet another visit to the equipment shop not only to replace her arrows, but also her target. "Great," she mumbled, feeling exhausted just thinking about it. In a way, she was grateful for everything she had learned in her class; it had quite literally managed to save her life during her latest trip to the past.

"I'm going to have to give you a name," Kagome said to the small case she was holding as she strolled down the street towards the subway. The bow she had bought for herself was very similar to the one she had first used in the class; silver, folding and much more complicated looking than its feudal brethren, it pleased her to no extent. There would be no mistaking her for Kikyou with the fibreglass bow in her hands and her thin plastic quiver of brightly-coloured carbonite arrows. In fact her friends had been just as cutely confused about the nature and function of the bow as she originally was, at least until she had demonstrated its use to them. Then Inuyasha had effectively ruined her moment of triumph, observing that her skills with the bow were getting comparable to Kikyou. That comment prompted her to tuck away her new purchase sullenly for almost two whole months. It was their run-in with Naraku in the last week that finally forced her to bring it out to see some use in the feudal era, and that had unexpectedly worked to her advantage. While Kouga and Inuyasha were bickering, Naraku had used the opportunity to strike at her, and almost reflexively, Kagome had levelled her bow in front of her. It was Naraku's hesitation and caution at the sight of the strange weapon that had bought her the few precious moments she needed to notch an arrow. By the time he decided to follow through with his attack, she was able to blast away the appendage that was aiming for her with a purifying arrow, both saving herself and snapping Inuyasha and Kouga out of their ridiculous "territorial" battle. It had been too close for comfort, though, and the argument that had ensued after the immediate danger was over left her feeling completely drained.

The bone-crushing weariness stole over her once again as she leaned against a window and waited for the subway to carry her back to the Sunset Shrine. Though she had managed to drag herself to her archery class, she could feel the tightness in her chest and shoulder warning her that she would be unbelievably sore when she woke up the next morning. The afternoon was just beginning, and Kagome groaned as she considered that she would have to return to the college again to attend her history course. "Oh heck… maybe I'll just skip it today," she mumbled to herself as she exited the subway station and trudged her way back towards her home.

The cramping in her arm was really starting to bother her, and as Kagome climbed up the steps of the shrine, she let out a depressed sigh. "Even with all the technology in the world to help me out, I still can't keep up with Kikyou," she mumbled, rolling her shoulder and wincing. "She must be made out of iron." Kagome paused, a wry smile stealing over her mouth. "Well, maybe clay." The weak joke lost its humour all too soon, and Kagome pushed her way through the house, barely managing to spare a wave at her mother before making her way to her room and collapsing face-first on the bed.

As sleep began to steal over her, something tickled at the back of Kagome's mind.  _ I really shouldn't miss history class today. There was something important that was supposed to happen this week. What was it again?  _  Kagome groaned slightly and squeezed her eyes shut.  _ Ugh, the new moon, _ she remembered, suddenly recalling her mission to unearth Professor Michifusa's demonic secrets. She lay there lazily for several moments, wallowing in what she knew was entirely gratuitous self-pity for her situation.  _ I should get a medal for having made it to archery practice at all after last week. Heck, I should get a full-blown vacation, _ she thought tiredly.  _ The Michifusa Mystery can wait until next week.  _ _ The non-existent demons of the world have been waiting for five hundred years, they can wait a little longer. _ Sighing, Kagome let her eyes flutter shut.

"Kagome," a gentle voice probed.

"Nuh-uh," Kagome said, turning her head into the pillows of her bed.

"Kagome, wake up," the voice said a little more firmly.

"Can't hear you," Kagome answered, curling more firmly into the mattress.

"Kagome Higurashi, if you don't get up this instant, I'm going to come in there and make you get up."

_ Uh-oh, that's Mama's no-nonsense tone. _ Groaning, Kagome sat up and winced as her stiff neck protested to the motion. Blearily peering through heavy eyelids, she pushed her messy bangs out of her face. "What is it Mama? I just got home, I was hoping to take a little nap before my next class."

Mrs. Higurashi frowned slightly and shook her head. "You've been sleeping for over an hour, honey. If you don't leave now, you're going to miss the train and be late."

"WHAT?" Kagome yelled, shooting off of her bed. Panicked, Kagome began to throw her notebook and supplies into her backpack, cursing silently at herself. "Thanks Mama!" she yelled as she sailed out of the door, pausing to plant a quick kiss on her mother's cheek.

Adrenaline was surprisingly effective at removing the sleepiness from Kagome's mind, but after she had successfully navigated through Tokyo back to the small college, both her mind and her body slowed down. Plunking herself exhaustedly into a seat, Kagome pat her cheeks rapidly in the hopes that it would keep her awake enough to follow Michifusa's lightning-fast lecture. It worked briefly, but inevitably minutes after the sting died down, her head would nod forward and her eyes would shut. Eventually, after the third attempt to keep herself awake, she yawned and looked around the auditorium. Slowly, she began to frown as she realized more was missing than her attention span. Checking her watch to be sure, she found worry keeping her awake. "He's late," she mumbled. "Michifusa is never late."

Squinting, she peered at the table at the bottom of the auditorium. Shuffling around the desk was an older, grey-haired man whom she didn't recognize. He had to clear his throat several times to get the attention of the class. "Good evening. As you might have noticed, Professor Michifusa couldn't be here today to present you with the usual lecture due to an unfortunate illness. I'll be taking his place for today…" Kagome tuned out the rest of his words, mulling over the new development.  _ Illness my foot, _ she thought to herself.  _ There  _ **_is_ ** _ something special about the new moon, and I'm going to find out what it is. _ With a hum and a click, the auditorium was darkened and the weak yellow light of the projector filled the room. Yawning slightly to herself, she settled down in her chair comfortably.  _ After this nap, _ she thought lazily as she let the quiet drone of the substitute teacher's lecture lull her to sleep.

**\- x – x – x -**

Kagome looked up at the twinkling stars, which were bathing everything in a silvery glow despite the absence of the moon. "Thanks for helping," she mumbled sarcastically as she crept towards the safety of Michifusa's sparse shrubbery. This time she had come prepared, dressed in a black sweat suit and her sneakers, with a small flashlight tucked into her waistband and her digital camera hanging around her neck. She had thrown the last item in on a whim; if confronted with Michifusa's almost-demonic transformation again, she wanted to have pictures to prove it.

She frowned as she approached the window she had spied through previously; it was dark, like all of the other rooms in the house. Cautiously pulling herself up to the windowsill, Kagome peered into the darkened room, trying to catch any sign that the professor might have been there. The interior was barren and quiet, and with a sigh of frustration, Kagome carefully made her way to the next window and peeked in. Again, she met with no success and resigned herself to moving around the house, searching for any sign of her missing teacher. After circling the building completely without any further luck, she considered her options. Scaling the wall of the stark white house was out of the question; furthermore, without any trees or large shrubs around to conceal her movement or aid in the attempt, there was no way to even reach the upper floors without a climbing hook and some rope.  _ And that's going just a little too far, even for me, _ Kagome noted. She did gather enough courage to turn on her flashlight and use it to aid in her search of the lower rooms, and she even probed the interior of his car, which was still parked in the driveway. Still, no clues to his whereabouts were to be found, and after about half an hour Kagome gave up with a sigh of frustration.

"It really isn't my week," she mumbled irately, clicking off the flashlight and tucking it into her belt. Tired, sweaty and generally cranky from having wasted her time both by attending the class and staking out Michifusa's empty house, she made her way out of the residential neighbourhood and towards the subway station that would bring her back home. Her footsteps slowed as she breathed in the cool night air and enjoyed the warm evening atmosphere. It was still a typical summer in Japan, humid and sticky even at night. Still, Kagome felt her mood lifting slightly as a gentle breeze brushed past her, cooling the sweat on her forehead. "It's too early to go home on a night like this," she reasoned to herself with a tiny smile. Nights in the Sengoku Jidai were undoubtedly much more beautiful than anything she could find in modern Tokyo, but the ability to take an evening walk without having to worry about thieves, bandits, rogue mercenaries or bloodthirsty demons was even more refreshing than a clear view of the night sky. "I'm in Setagaya anyway, maybe I'll just stop by the old temple while I'm here," she said, her feet picking up speed and a smile lighting her face.

The Setagaya district was located in the heart of Tokyo, and was like most residential areas crushed full of people. Even so, it had gained its fame for hosting a strangely peaceful and out-of-place trail that followed a small, forested river directly through the densely populated area; the whole Todoroki Valley was a striking contrast to the busy city that housed it. Kagome already knew this, having visited the trail herself on more than one occasion in daylight. The evening, however, had cleared the path of tourists, cloaking the valley in a serene calmness broken only by the sound of trickling water.  _ It's almost magical, _ Kagome mused to herself as she stepped over the rope blocking the entrance to the trail and made her way down the secluded path. It felt like she was stepping out of modern Tokyo and back into the Sengoku Jidai, only without the aid of the well. A wide smile broke over her face.

_ No, not the Sengoku Jidai, _ Kagome corrected herself sometime later as she strolled towards the temple at the end of the trail.  _ Not the period of the Warring States. _ The valley surrounding her breathed with a beauty and tranquillity that transcended the harsh realities of war.  _ No, I've travelled to the Heian Jidai, _ Kagome thought to herself with satisfaction as the temple came into view.  _ The period of Peace. _

With a sigh Kagome regarded the steps that led up to the ancient shrine. "The Temple of Roaring Sound," she whispered reverently, bowing in respect to the shrine that was even more ancient than her family's own. She kept herself from climbing up the steps, not wanting to ruin the beauty of the moment. She knew she was probably breaking all sorts of rules, being alone there at night; her mother was undoubtedly worrying about her. Kagome closed her eyes and pushed those thoughts out of her mind, forcing herself to relax. "I deserve at least this much," she said out loud, feeling the cool breeze and losing herself in the sound of rushing water and rustling leaves. It was everything she needed in that moment; for once she felt as though she was herself. Here she was neither Kagome, the girl from the Future nor Kagome, the girl trapped in the Past; here she had no responsibilities: not to Inuyasha, or the Jewel of the Four Souls, or her education or even her family. Here she simply was, and for Kagome, that was enough. With a sigh she tipped her head back and allowed herself to soak in the peace and wisdom that echoed through the woods.

…  **_pulse …_ **

Kagome's reverie was interrupted by a small but insistent tug around her neck. Her brow wrinkled slightly, and she tried to distance herself from the feeling, holding on desperately to the serenity she had found.

…  **_pulse …_ **

It was like trying to ignore her own heartbeat, and a tiny sigh escaped Kagome's lips as she resigned herself to saying goodbye to her short-lived peace. Reaching for the cord at her neck, she drew out the tiny jar and looked at the jewel shards gathered there. They were glowing brightly, as if something was calling to their power. Kagome glanced at the darkened sky overhead and suddenly, she realized how very isolated the valley was, and how very alone she felt. Carefully, she tucked the jar back under her shirt and drew out her flashlight. Her finger hesitated over the button, however, and after a moment of indecision, she put it away. The flashlight might have helped both with her night vision and to ease the discomfort that pulled at the edges of her senses, but she still somehow felt like she would be violating the sanctity of the valley by daring to use it. "This place is mine," she whispered fiercely, turning away from the temple and rapidly backtracking down the dirt trail.

Halfway through the valley, the incessant pulsing of the shards hadn't stopped, and Kagome's resolve was beginning to crumble in the face of her growing uneasiness. More than once she found her fingers straying to the flashlight, only to shake her head and press onwards. The temptation to use it was great, but to admit that she needed the help of the artificial light just felt a little too much like defeat.

Turning around another corner, she stopped short as a break in the trees allowed the starlight to spill over the valley floor. Hunched over in the middle of the river was a dark figure, wet and dripping. Kagome's heart thundered in her ears, and she felt the jewel shards in her neck pulse in response. "It's the new moon," she murmured out loud, her hand flying to her chest. Even before the figure straightened and turned towards her, she knew who it was. The hairs on the back of her neck lifted, and she wondered if she was finally inheriting some version of the renowned "Holy Power Sensing Special" that was so liberally sprinkled among the monks and priestess of the feudal era. She blinked as a pair of glowing yellow eyes settled on her and held her breath. When it became clear that he was not going to make the first move, she gathered her courage and sucked in her breath. "Professor Michifusa?" she called out tersely. His head tilted, and nervously, Kagome wondered if the jewel shards had drawn him to the valley, or if he had just been following her for the entire evening. A curt bark of humourless laughter brought her attention back to the man standing in the water.

"The past should not be able to stand in the present," he said to her, his eyes still eerily reflecting what little light surrounded them. He shook his head once, then twice, and then reached up and curled his fingers into his short, dark hair, further ruffling the already wild clumps on his head. "Fact: the past is dead. Observation: the past stands before me, very much alive. Critical thinking: the barriers of time are eroding." Another short laugh escaped him. "Or perhaps the barriers of sanity. Observation." He grinned at her again, his eyes wild and unfocused.

Kagome drew in her breath sharply. The man before her was not the fastidious, rigorously controlled Michifusa of the classroom, but neither was he the near-demon that had flown at her in a rage several weeks ago. Seeing him stumble and flounder in the shallow water, she felt a sudden echo of familiarity.  _ He's lost, _ she thought with surprise, her eyes recognizing his physical struggle as a dance which she was intimately familiar with.  _ He's drowning in the past, struggling to anchor himself in time. _ A chill seeped through her bones despite the balmy summer evening; she shrunk away from Michifusa's mad thrashings, not wanting to go so far as to admit that she understood them.

Abruptly, he ceased moving, straightening up and turning towards Kagome once more. "Do you know why nights of the new moon are special, Higurashi?" he asked her, pushing his dripping locks of hair away from his face and breathing heavily. "They say the past and the present become one." He stared at her, and when she didn't respond, he took a ragged step towards the trail. "It is all conjecture and superstition, of course. New moons, demons, spirits and magic." Another few steps brought him out of the river and onto the path before her.

Kagome felt the jewel shards pulse again, and she tried to convince her feet to move, to carry her away from the man who was obviously losing his mind right in front of her. It wasn't fear that was telling her to run, though she would have been foolish to not admit that she wasn't at least a little bit scared. Greater than her fear, however, was her discomfort at seeing the man who prided himself so much on his appearance lose his control in front of her. She felt ashamed, as if she was witnessing something she didn't have the right to be, and wanted more than ever to run home and leave the mystery surrounding Michifusa alone.

"It is what weak fools tell themselves to explain away their fears," he grit out, coming closer. Kagome noticed that his hair was lengthening as he approached, as if an invisible hand was slowly pulling it out of his head. His skin was waxy, becoming paler by the moment, and the few places where he wasn't already soaked from the water of the river was fast being covered by a sheen of sweat.

Kagome flinched as his hands reached out and grabbed onto her arms, his fingernails digging into her skin, lengthening and sharpening into familiar claws. "Demons do not exist, Higurashi!" he hissed at her, drawing her nearer. She stared, afraid and ashamed, but unable to look away as she saw his pupils lengthening and transforming into slits before her very eyes. "Demons are not real!" he repeated, his grip becoming painful.

"What's happening to you?" she whispered as he let out what sounded like a cross between a moan and a snarl and hunched over, his fingers flexing. She let out her breath in a loud gasp as his a wave of light rippled over his hair, turning it as silvery as the cold starlight. And then, with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she wondered why she hadn't realized who he was before. As with most of the unpleasant things in her life, she had somehow managed to push it to the back of her mind, ignoring the obvious problem until it became so big that it was unavoidable.  _ It's human survival instinct, I guess, _ Kagome blathered to herself incoherently as the demon panted and released her arms, stumbling back a few paces. She already knew that the transformation was complete; there would be no cute, fluffy dog-ears popping out of his head, no bittersweet reunion with an older, more mature version of the boy she had grown to love, and no 'sits' to keep him under control if he didn't like what he saw.  _ At least I don't have to worry about being related to him, _ Kagome noted faintly as she caught sight of the crescent blazoned across his forehead.

He shuddered for a moment, and then slowly straightened, and Kagome had to take a moment to admire his beauty. It always did bother her that a man could be more beautiful than a girl. Then she corrected her assumption automatically.  _ A demon, not a man. I probably just made the biggest mistake of my life, _ she thought as he blinked and took in his surroundings. She felt the jewel shards pulse again, and instantly his gaze snapped to her.  _ Well, the second biggest mistake of my life, _ she amended, her hand rising protectively over the small glass jar that hung around her neck. "Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked nervously, using his formal title in the hopes of appeasing him and thereby keeping her head on her shoulders for just a little bit longer.

He blinked slowly, his eyes rising from her hand to study her face. They were still dull and unfocused, as though he wasn't entirely awake. He blinked again, taking in her features, and an uncomfortable silence hung between them. Then, unexpectedly, his gaze sharpened and filled with dull anger. "You!" he said, his eyes narrowing.

"Me!" Kagome repeated, her own eyes widening in response as the butterflies in her stomach turned into a full raging stampede of elephants. She wondered if Sesshoumaru would take any offence to her asking if he had some antacid pills on his person; it seemed like something Michifusa would carry around. She could picture it clearly: her last epithet was going to be a request for antacid. The morning headlines would read "Angry Demi-morphed Teacher Disembowels Student For Asking Too Much." Absently she noted that disembowelment would, effectively, take care of the stomach problem. Her rational mind decided to remind her that she was panicking, and that what she really should be doing right now was curling up on the ground and begging for her life, rather than considering what was in Sesshoumaru's pockets. Her irrational mind decided to take the idea of Sesshoumaru having pockets and run with it, and the only thing she could do was cough out a nervous giggle to break the curtain of silence that had descended over them.

Sesshoumaru growled slightly and his eyes flickered upwards, taking in the sight of the darkened sky. "The new moon," he observed. He returned his gaze back to her and looked disgusted. "This explains many things," he said finally, turning his back on her and striding back to the river.

Kagome blinked, unbalanced by his sudden and abrupt dismissal. Swallowing, she cautiously approached him, but he took no notice of her presence. Glancing surreptitiously at him from the corner of her eyes, she saw that he was looking into the river, studying the murky form of his own reflection. She took a breath and struck out tentatively. "How did you— well, I mean, what are you— umm… you're not going to kill me, are you?" she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru ripped his gaze away from the water and regarded her with the same dull anger he had before. "Possibly," he said bluntly. "You deserve to die, bitch." The words rolled off of his tongue smoothly, without a trace of emotion, but the harsh language made Kagome start. Swearing was Inuyasha's forte, not Sesshoumaru's, and she was quite certain that he had meant the word to be the insult that it was. It raised the same automatic response in her that cropped up every time Inuyasha swore at her.

"Hey! Excuse me," she said loudly. "There's no need to call me bad names just because you're going through some kind of new moon transformation thing here! Technically speaking, I'm the one who freed you anyway!" she bit out. "Would it kill you to show a little gratitude?" She snapped her mouth shut suddenly and wished she had rephrased her last request.

"The Jewel of the Four Souls has awakened me," Sesshoumaru corrected her immediately. His face turned stony. "I can sense them here, the pieces of that cursed artefact. It has been broken again?"

_ Again? _ Kagome thought faintly. "No," she answered offhandedly without bothering to explain further.  _ Does he even know where he is and who I am? _ She recalled Sesshoumaru's initial expression of anger and recognition, and frowning, probed gently. "Why did you call me a bitch and say I deserved to die, anyway?"

Sesshoumaru refused to answer her, staring instead intently at his own reflection once more.

_ Get over yourself, _ she wanted to tell him, feeling a twitch of exasperation. His voice interrupted her train of thought, derailing it and sending it up in a flaming ball of fire.

"I apologize for the insult to your person," he said monotonously, turning his head slightly to regard her.

Kagome blinked. "You're sorry?" she said dumbly.

"Such insults are denigrating to both our characters. I ask your forgiveness for my lapse of control and clumsy display of manners." He paused, as if seeming to wait for something, and dully, Kagome nodded at him. His eyes remained locked on hers for a moment longer. "I have not yet decided upon the matter of your death," he reminded her, and turned his gaze back to the water.

Kagome's mouth clicked shut audibly.  _ Polite, maybe, but so much for being nice, _ she thought with annoyance.  _ And he still hasn't answered my question! _ Sighing, she tried again. "Do you… do you remember who you are?" she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru snorted and looked at her again, this time clearly with an expression of disbelief. She could almost hear him voicing the unspoken observation:  _ What are you, stupid? _ Blushing with embarrassment, she covered quickly. "I meant if you remembered being Ieyasu Michifusa, not all that Lord of the West stuff," she explained.

The demon looked away, staring at his reflection again. His lip curled slightly, showing the tips of his pointed fangs. "This Sesshoumaru is no  _ human, _ " he hissed, emphasizing the last word with a clear note of disgust. "However," he added, his eyes losing their focus and his voice its intensity as he gazed into the water, "I am aware of certain things." He blinked, smoothing his face back into an expression of bored detachment.

Kagome fell silent, slowly realizing that his attachment to his reflection might actually be something other than pure narcissism. The image of Michifusa's wild thrashing through the river came to mind, and quickly she dropped her eyes to the ground before they could reflect her shame and pity at seeing him so helpless. Her eyes trailed across the water to regard the reflection of his beautiful face, and with a start, she realized that the mask of indifference which he wore made him look very much like Kikyou. She directed her attention to her own reflection, and thought about the fleeting moment of peace she had captured earlier at the temple. It was gone now, and the knowledge saddened her; she recognized Kikyou's countenance in her own reflection as well.  _ We're all lost, _ she thought softly.  _ We could be a regular company of Noh players. Hate, Sorrow and Indifference. _ The silence grew oppressive, and Kagome thought she might break apart under its weight if she didn't lighten the deadening atmosphere around them.

"So how did you, umm, you know…"  _ Saying 'become human' might not be the most tactful approach right now, _ Kagome thought to herself, her nervousness returning. "How did you turn out… like that?" she finished meekly.

Sesshoumaru stiffened, his mouth tightening into a thin line. "You did this to us. You do not remember?" he growled lowly. He lifted an eyebrow as Kagome let out a tiny gasp of surprise, and turned to look at her. "Show me the jewel fragments," he demanded suddenly.

Without thinking, Kagome fished for the cord around her neck and drew out the tiny jar. Her breath hitched for a moment, and she kept her hand wrapped around the jar indecisively.  _ No, _ she finally thought, releasing it and letting it drop against her chest.  _ He could kill me any time he wanted anyway. If I want a truce, one of us is going to have to start somewhere. _ The few splinters of the jewel glowed faintly in the darkness of the night, pulsing in time with her heartbeat. She felt the weight of his eyes on her, and she knew he was judging her as he studied the metaphorical stone around her neck. Kagome blinked, tears prickling behind her eyes and looked away miserably.  _ I hate you, _ she thought quietly, unsure of whether to direct the thought at the shards, the demon next to her, or herself, finally settling on sending it aimlessly into the night.

"I see," Sesshoumaru said quietly after a moment. "You will not die this night," he added, almost as an afterthought.

Kagome waited for him to continue with his explanation, but none came. She waited for a few moments longer, remembering that the Sesshoumaru she knew was not a talkative person, and hoped that her patience would pay off. Her eyebrow twitched slightly when she realized that it wouldn't. "I STILL DON'T GET IT!" she finally exploded, turning to face Sesshoumaru with a look of exasperated confusion. "Why are you speaking in riddles? What happened to you? What happened to all of the demons in Japan?"

Sesshoumaru sighed slightly. "Higurashi," he said, and she jumped in surprise, trying to reconcile her past interactions with Michifusa and her current conversation with Sesshoumaru. Michifusa was certainly more rude and colder to her than Sesshoumaru, but for some reason she hadn't expected Sesshoumaru to actually bother remembering her name, as if it would be beneath him. It was hard, trying to think of them as the same person; the small issue of humanity kept getting in the way.

Blithely unaware of her discomfort, he continued. "You cannot change the past."

Kagome frowned and twisted her hands into the fabric of her sweatpants. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked bluntly.

"It means you are destined to destroy all of the demons in this world," he answered her just as bluntly.

Kagome's mouth flew open. "What?" she said, trying to process the information. The synapses were firing, but her brain refused to create the connection. "What?" she repeated dumbly, staring into the water and seeing Inuyasha's cocky smile as his ears twitched towards her. She thought of Kouga, grabbing her hands and declaring her to be his woman in his own annoying and yet endearing way. But most of all, she thought of Shippou's wide green eyes, staring up at her with the innocence and adoration of a child. The thought of being responsible for their deaths and so many others made bile rise in her throat, and she choked helplessly. When she recovered enough to speak, she managed to gasp her denial. "No!" she whispered hotly. "You're lying! I'll never do that! I could  _ never _ do that!" She felt tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. "I don't care if you've lived through the past, you can't be right! You're just twisting the truth to suit your own purposes!" she said to him.

Sesshoumaru looked away from the girl who was rapidly dissolving into a wet, sniffling mess at his side with an expression of loathing. "It is your destiny," he repeated. "Interesting, that you seek to deny your fate. If it bothers you that greatly, perhaps I should kill you now," he mused, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully and cracking one of his claws.

Kagome's eyes shot open and her breath hitched. "Wait!" she cried out desperately. "How do I end up killing all of the demons in the world?"

With an almost imperceptible lift of his eyebrow, Sesshoumaru lowered his claw and regarded Kagome curiously. "I did not say that you killed them, Higurashi. I stated that you destroyed them. You still do not seem to understand the finer points of making a critical argument," he added, his voice reflecting a small note of smugness.

Kagome paused, her frenzied diatribe deflated by Sesshoumaru's impromptu grading of her performance. "Why you—" she began, noticing his smirk. "You do remember yourself as Michifusa!" she said, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Why doesn't he remember you then?" she asked, her anger subsiding into confusion.

"Hnn," Sesshoumaru answered her, looking away. For a moment she thought he looked almost confused. The moment passed, but she noticed that he had returned to staring at his reflection once more. "It is… disorienting," he finally admitted.

Kagome grew quiet. "Do you do this every new moon?" she asked him pensively.

"No," he answered her, and she was slightly relieved to see that he had latched onto her question to draw himself out of the darkened depths of the river. "As I stated, it is the presence of the fragments which has reawakened me. This is the first time I have held the reins of control since…" he trailed off, and Kagome saw his head drifting downwards again.

"Since what?" she asked him quickly, catching onto the lifeline she had cast him and tugging for all she was worth. It didn't seem to work, for he fell silent, and his eyes narrowed. Kagome clenched her fists together, feeling the glass jar press into her palm.  _ No, I won't make it that easy for you, _ she thought with a mental growl.  _ If I have to live with myself, then so do you! _ "SINCE WHAT?" she demanded, glaring at him, knowing that the answer was important for both of them.

His golden gaze snapped up to meet hers, and his eyes were sharp with anger. "Since the restoration of the jewel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know a little bit about real world archery. Every time I see Kagome depicted with her fingers holding onto the shaft of an arrow IN FRONT of the feathers, stringing it through the WRONG SIDE of her bow, it drives me nuts. No wonder she misses so much.


	6. 05: His Memory

" _ Since the restoration of the jewel." _

The words struck Kagome like a slap. The realization had always been there; only something as powerful as the Jewel of the Four Souls could have changed the world so radically in the space of five hundred years. She had always been aware that it was the most likely source of the mystery, and yet to know that she had been the one, that she was responsible for the wish that caused the destruction of the demons was still a complete shock.

Kagome slumped into the grass and shut her eyes, taking a few minutes to absorb the overwhelming emotions that came with the knowledge that she would complete her task and eventually restore the jewel. "I guess that means Naraku was defeated," she mumbled weakly. "There's a plus."

Sesshoumaru studied her dispassionately, his face easily falling back into the harsh lines of indifference. "It is true, then. You do not know of your fate because it has yet to occur."

Kagome started, having momentarily forgotten the demon's presence in the overwhelming swirl of her own thoughts and feelings. "Well… yeah," she answered cautiously. If Sesshoumaru was anything like Michifusa, then he was undoubtedly intelligent enough to have gleaned her secret on his own. Still, she was hesitant to be too revealing to him.  _ What if he decides to try and change the past by going back himself? _ she thought.  _ What if he succeeds in travelling through the well and meets himself on the other side? Is that even possible? Will the universe implode on itself? _ Thinking too much about it was making her head hurt, so she answered as vaguely as possible. "Yes, I do spend a lot of my time right now chasing after Naraku with Inuyasha and the others. Please, don't ask me how it's done or if you can go back to the past too. It would be… too complicated," she said faintly.

If it was possible for a body to radiate coldness, Kagome guessed that the air surrounding Sesshoumaru would have crystallized from the sudden rigidness of his posture. "Obviously you have somehow managed to cross the barriers of time. How this is possible is of no concern to me," he said frostily. "I assure you, however, that I have no interest in meddling in the affairs of the past. It is a fool's errand, and those who partake in it risk being cast adrift in the sea of time."

Kagome folded her hands in her lap, staring into the dark water in front of her. Sesshoumaru's words hurt; not because he said them coldly but because they were true. The well might have been stable, but somewhere during the course of the last three years Kagome's anchor had been uprooted and tossed away, tangled somewhere in the strange blue light between eras. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the rushing water.

"It's funny," she said out loud after a moment. Silence followed, but Kagome hadn't been expecting an answer anyway. The fact that Sesshoumaru had not risen to leave when she first settled on the grass next to him had emboldened her; somehow, she knew he was listening even if he chose not to respond. "I never believed in destiny or pre-determined fate or any of that sort of stuff before. My Grandpa was always trying to convince me otherwise, but I didn't take him seriously."

At first, it was because Kagome had never put very much thought into it, but later on, after having met Kikyou, it became something less of a passive lack of interest and more of an active denial. To accept the idea of destiny was to accept the idea that she and Kikyou were the same person, and that each of their actions were already decided. There would be no end to Kikyou's suffering, and therefore no end to her own sorrow. And no matter how much Kagome felt she was coming to understand the other woman, she still had enough sense of self to want to deny that knowledge and create her own, happier truth. Now, however, as she sat next to Sesshoumaru and learned of her future which had already occurred, she felt her resolve crumbling. It took the flavour away from her remaining time in the Sengoku Jidai, opening her eyes to her own life with the same cruel awareness that Michifusa's history class had provided her for the Sengoku period.

"Just a few words from you, though, and I'm ready to throw away everything I believed in until now," she added bitterly. "Thanks a lot."

"I did not ask to be awakened," Sesshoumaru answered her sharply.

"Being human hasn't done anything for your temper," Kagome snapped back, still struggling under the burden of knowing her own destiny.

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow ticked slightly. "Mind your tongue, Higurashi," he said icily.

Kagome shrugged listlessly. "What are you going to do, flunk me?" she asked him sarcastically. She froze when she heard him emit a low grunt.  _ Was that a laugh? _ she thought, eyeing Sesshoumaru speculatively. The smooth planes of his features hadn't seemed to actually move, and there was no indication of humour in his face.  _ I must have imagined it. _

"I just may do that," he said finally, keeping his face towards the water even as his eyes slid towards hers.

Kagome lost her balance and almost fell over; a remarkable feat, considering she was seated firmly on the ground. Then recovered and stared at Sesshoumaru openly. "You can't be serious. I mean… look at you!" she exploded, gesturing at his pointed ears and long white hair. "There's no way you can go back to being a teacher like that. I haven't even figured out what we're going to do about your appearance right now!" She bit her lip as Sesshoumaru's eyebrows drew together minutely and he turned his head to glare at her.

"You will 'do' nothing with me," he said slowly, the overture of a growl rumbling beneath his words. "I am neither a pet to be tended after nor a science project to be studied," he enunciated clearly. "We are speaking now because I tolerate your presence, no other reason. If you believe you are able to control my actions simply because the jewel has awakened me, then you are grossly mistaken. Do not be so presumptuous in the future, Higurashi."

Kagome stared at Sesshoumaru in disbelief.  _ Did he just have the nerve to call  _ **_me_ ** _ presumptuous? _ She ground her teeth together and looked away, forcing herself to calm down. "I'm being serious," Kagome forced out through her grit teeth. "You can't just waltz out of this valley and into the modern era looking like that. You have Professor Michifusa's memories, don't you? You should know this already, Lord Sesshoumaru!"

"Do not use that title," Sesshoumaru answered her in a brittle voice, turning his face away from Kagome as his lips tightened into a thin line.

"What?" Kagome said, thrown off balance by his reaction. "Title? You mean calling you Lord Sesshoumaru?" Seeing his almost imperceptible nod, she lifted an eyebrow. "Why not? You already seem to love reminding me that I should to keep to my station no matter who you are," she added sarcastically. Another thin silence stretched between them, and Kagome wondered if she had made him angry with her brash answers.

"I remember the small, petty life of this human instructor," Sesshoumaru answered instead, his voice soft and neutral. "I remember the life which I thought to be my own before his, and the one before that. I remember a great many things," he trailed off, his eyes growing clouded.

"Lor—umm, sir?" Kagome asked cautiously, seeing the distant look in the demon's eyes.

"To refer to one as a Lord is to imply that one has title and standing," Sesshoumaru answered, his eyes shutting briefly as a flicker of emotion passed over his face.

Kagome swallowed thickly. "But I thought you were the Lord of the Western Lands," she said timidly, and bit back a squeak as his eyes snapped to hers. To her surprise, she realized he wasn't angry. The intensity of his gaze was fuelled by a different emotion, one she thought someone like Sesshoumaru would have been incapable of feeling – regret.

"This I was," he said to her, and then he turned away, closing in on himself once more.

The significance of the past tense finally struck Kagome, and she looked away from him quickly. Once more she was ashamed to have inadvertently witnessed his display of emotion. She knew he was mourning for the things he had lost, from the tangible memory of a gap-toothed little girl to his unspoken power as a greater demon lord.  _ He must remember, then… he witnessed his own title slipping away from his grasp and never even realized it was happening until now. _ Suddenly she felt very guilty for having spoken so harshly to Sesshoumaru. He was undoubtedly as physically powerful as in the past, but he had only been awake for the space of roughly half an hour. He was still in the process of reconciling the past with the present, whereas Kagome had been struggling with the same problem for almost three years. It was sobering to see how fragile the demon actually was underneath the aloof mask that he so carefully cloaked himself behind. And, she realized belatedly, that his previous threat was an empty one; he was in his own way clinging to her presence just as much as she was to his. Though they might have started on different shores, they were both trapped in limbo, holding on for dear life and trying not to let the current of time overwhelm them and sweep them away. After a moment, Kagome managed to find her voice and tried to steer them both towards safer ground.

"So what should I call you then, sir?" she asked in a light-hearted tone. Sesshoumaru was silent for a few moments longer, then he recovered gracefully, as though there had been no lapse in his behaviour, no shared moment of understanding between them. It was a little bit saddening to Kagome, but not quite as sad as the crushing burden that had created the understanding, and so she let it slide.  _ Ignore a problem and it will go away, _ she thought to herself.  _ Who ever thought the great and mighty Sesshoumaru would adopt human survival tactics? _

"I find 'sir' to be acceptable," he told her generously.

Kagome felt her face dropping into a scowl. "I don't," she answered him. "I also don't like being called 'Higurashi' all the time!" she added with a huff.

Sesshoumaru looked at her blandly. "It is your name, is it not?"

"Well, yeah," Kagome said stiffly. "But when you say it like that, you sound like a drill sergeant, SIR!" she said, giving him small, mocking salute. "You could call me Miss Higurashi if you wanted to. Or better yet, just call me Kagome. I wouldn't mind."

"Hnn," he answered her, as if considering her words. "Very well,  _ Miss _ Higurashi. You may refer to me by name if you wish."

Kagome smiled, warmed by the sudden and unexpected victory. Well, half-victory, as he was still using her last name. It was a start, however, and one that gave her the confidence to continue. A thought struck her, and she frowned slightly. "Seriously, what are you going to do now? You can't keep your day job looking like that," she said, gesturing at his silvery reflection in the water.

"Do not concern yourself over the matter," Sesshoumaru said simply. "The call of the jewel has awakened me, combined with the pull of the new moon." He closed his eyes and stilled, seeming to absorb their surroundings. Kagome even noted with some surprise that he was inhaling deeply; she had thought it would be something he wouldn't want to do considering the air quality of modern Tokyo in general. She was even more surprised when he continued. "The moon shall soon fade, as will my presence."

Kagome gasped audibly. "What do you mean?" she asked him, feeling a sudden and unexpected tug of panic. "You're dying?"

Sesshoumaru's eye flew open and he gave her an annoyed look. "You are overly melodramatic, Miss Higurashi. I recommend that you refrain from filling your head with the painfully romantic notions which are so popular among your gender today and divert your attention to more serious pursuits." He shifted slightly, looking at the dark night sky. "No, I will not 'die' as you so put it. I will simply revert to that which I was before," he said tiredly.

Kagome frowned, her hands flying to the jar around her neck. "But I thought the jewel had to the power to restore you," she said hesitantly. "Why would you go back to being human again now that you're aware of yourself?" Sesshoumaru's posture stiffened slightly and Kagome knew she was treading on dangerous ground once more.  _ I have to know, though. _ "I can't try to help you if you don't tell me," she said quietly.

Sesshoumaru smirked coldly. "You cannot help me. You cannot change the past. What was wished for is done, and cannot be undone." He glanced at the jar she was holding, looking over the pathetically few shards that were gathered there. "The fragments you hold do not even contain a fraction of the power of the completed jewel. You do not have the ability to change this fate…" He paused and looked at her speculatively. "… even if you desired to. When the sun rises in the east, I shall return to my human state, bereft of the memory of this night and my awareness." His lip curled as he mentioned the term  _ human _ . "Of this I am certain."

Kagome fell silent, regarding Sesshoumaru with a mixture of surprise and confusion.  _ How can he be so calm about it? _ she thought to herself.  _ To live for only one night and then go back to being a stranger in your own body? _ She shook her head; it felt wrong. Destiny or not, she knew she couldn't allow that to happen; she tried to justify it with her sense of fairness and duty. Deep down, however, she knew it was guilt that motivated her; she didn't want to be the one who gave Sesshoumaru his first taste of freedom in five hundred years only to have him lose it again with the coming of dawn. Kagome's mouth twisted into a small frown. She didn't want to be the one who made the wish that relegated him to this state in the first place. The cogs in her mind began to turn slowly, searching for a path that led out of the gloomy labyrinth Sesshoumaru was painting.

"Say," she said hesitantly, rubbing her hands together. "Could you tell me a little bit more about how the jewel was restored?"  _ It hasn't happened yet in the past… maybe there's a way out of this mess, _ she thought.

Sesshoumaru studied her and slowly his face drew into a deep frown, as if he could read her thoughts. "You cannot change the past," he repeated.

"How do you know?" Kagome answered with annoyance. "Of course you can't change the past if you don't even try. Besides, we're not talking about YOU here, we're talking about ME. And I think I have the right to try!"

Sesshoumaru's gaze became stony, and he remained silent.

"Please?" she asked him pitifully. "Just one or two itsy-bitsy little details, you don't even have to tell me everything!"

"It would not be wise," he told her. "Your outlook has changed from the little I have revealed so far. Already, it is clear that I have told you too much."

Kagome sighed deeply. "Why are you so adamantly against this idea, anyway? You're the one who would stand to benefit the most from changing history, you know. Since I know the jewel's going to be restored anyway, why not just tell me the rest?"

Sesshoumaru refused to speak to her face, focusing instead on the water. "You would bring ruin upon yourself and this world if you had such knowledge."

"How do you know?" Kagome answered hotly. "I'm trying to save the world here, in both times! You could be a part of that effort too if you'd just cooperate a little!"

"If you stir up the waters of time, they will become muddy." Sesshoumaru paused and looked at Kagome thoughtfully. "You are familiar with chaos theory?" he asked her.

"Chaos theory?" Kagome echoed blankly.

Irritation passed over Sesshoumaru's features briefly. "Ah yes. Your school records clearly indicated your incompetence with higher mathematics. I shall explain it in simplistic terms for you."

Kagome found herself staring at Sesshoumaru. A demon resurrected into modern times was one thing of itself; to have said demon, who for all intents and purposes had missed out on the last five hundred years of his life, to suddenly be quoting modern day scientific abstractions for her was a completely different matter. She found her voice after a few more moments of gawking. "Y-you're my history teacher, not my math teacher! How do you know about chaos theory?"

Sesshoumaru only smirked. "I amused myself with the study of physics at the turn of the last century," he informed her smugly.

"Physics!" Kagome echoed, horrified. It was quite possibly the only subject that she hated more than math. "I didn't ask you to give me a lecture on physics, just to tell me what happened to the jewel five hundred years ago!" she shouted.

"Perhaps you have not yet lived long enough to fully comprehend certain truths," Sesshoumaru answered seriously, completely ignoring her outburst. "All things in this world are connected to one another; therefore, to understand the world, you must strive to understand each of its separate parts. This is especially true of the pursuit of knowledge," he explained patiently. "You are not a fool, Miss Higurashi, though your stubborn refusal to commit yourself to all aspects of your education is quite foolish. I do not care what your personal beliefs or preferences are at the moment; you will listen to my words and you will understand them," he commanded.

_ Whoa, he's back in teacher-mode. Except that I don't think Professor Michifusa would threaten to melt me into a pile of goop if I didn't pay attention, _ Kagome thought nervously with a small gulp. She also couldn't decide if his last comment was complimentary or threatening. Deciding it was a little of both, she struggled to follow Sesshoumaru's words.

"Though a system might follow a pattern which appears to be ordered, even the slightest of variances within that system can produce drastic changes in its long term behaviour," Sesshoumaru told her. "There are consequences to each action we take which we cannot know or see, no matter how insignificant they may seem." He stared at Kagome expectantly.

"You mean if I sneeze in the feudal era at the wrong time, I could change the course of history?" Kagome asked sceptically.

"In essence, yes," Sesshoumaru answered, looking pleased.

"I wasn't being serious!" Kagome said, her eyes bulging.

"That is of no consequence," Sesshoumaru answered lazily. "The mere fact of your presence in the feudal era has undoubtedly already changed the world in more ways than we could know."

Kagome's mouth flapped open, and a pulsing headache began to form between her eyes. "Alright, hold on a minute there," she said with a wince, rubbing her temples. "By that argument, every time I go down the well, something should be different when I get back! I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary, though. Explain that one to me."

Sesshoumaru sniffed slightly. "The underlying system still retains its basic order," he informed her. "You yourself are a part of that system. Perhaps you are simply not aware of the changes which you affect. In creating those changes in the past, they have already occurred in the future."

Kagome's headache spiked. "So then what's the problem of telling me what you know? I'm going to change everything anyway the next time I go back, right?"

"Not necessarily," Sesshoumaru countered. "You have heard the saying 'history repeats itself?' The flow of time does not follow the same behaviour as other ordered systems. I have observed it to follow patterns which are independent of…  _ scientific _ explanation. Perhaps it is human nature. Or perhaps it is something more." He paused and gave Kagome a hard stare. "The more stimuli you receive, the greater the effect will be on the system. And yet, despite this, I believe you will still be unable to change the major occurrences within our timeline. To create such a radical turn in the flow of time, you would need the assistance of something which transcends the reach of time."

"Something like the Jewel of the Four Souls," Kagome breathed. "So that's why the past is open for me," she murmured. Then her brow constricted. "Wait a second. So what you're saying is that you don't want to tell me what happened in order to prevent any more small changes from happening in the timeline than absolutely necessary."  _ And who knows how many changes I've already made? _ Kagome thought to herself nervously. The more she thought about it, the more it eroded at her patience and sanity; she was achingly curious to know which changes she had inadvertently made to the world and realized at the same time that she would never be able to know, at least not until she was dead.  _ And even that's not certain, _ her rational mind added snidely.

"Ugh!" she finally yelled, grasping at her temples and shaking her head to clear it of her scattered thoughts. "But then you said no matter how many small changes I make by mistake, the big events will always stay the same no matter what I do. That I can't stop these things from happening without the help of the Jewel of the Four Souls, things like the destruction of the demon race." She peered between her hands at Sesshoumaru miserably.

"Precisely," he told her, offering her neither comfort nor praise for her observation. She couldn't blame him, it wasn't a very happy theory after all.

Silence settled again, and Kagome looked up, noticing the gradual lightening of the night sky. A sense of urgency overtook her; Sesshoumaru only had a few precious hours left, and she was still no closer to discovering what had happened to the jewel than before.

"I still don't understand you at all," she tried again. "None of the things you explained makes any difference to me." She felt rather than saw Sesshoumaru's glare and cringed slightly. "I mean I get the theory and all!" she added quickly, feeling as though she was being scolded. "But I can't give up my quest to restore the jewel, so I have to travel to the past again anyway." She sighed and rubbed her face wearily. "If I'm going to change things just by being there, what's to stop you from giving me a little concrete help here? The only thing that could possibly happen that we'd be aware of is the chance to change the wish on the Jewel once it's been made whole again." She clenched her fists together and glared at Sesshoumaru, annoyed by his sudden reticence. "It seems to me if I'm going to be doing a ton of 'damage' to the timeline anyway, it might as well be the right kind of damage!"

Sesshoumaru faced away from her, his features smoothing out into an unusually bland mask. It was a sharp contrast from the spark of interest and life he had shown when explaining the consequences of her time travel. "You still do not understand," he said quietly, his voice low and neutral.

Kagome frowned, feeling slightly hurt that he was shutting her out once more. "No, I think I understand what you said pretty well," she contradicted him fiercely. "What are you really talking about?"

Sesshoumaru studiously ignored her, focusing once again on the depths of dark stream before them. Kagome, however, refused to be put out and scooted closer to him, peering into his face. His eyes stole across hers for a brief moment and returned to the water, and if anything the line of his mouth became impossibly thinner.

Kagome frowned.  _ Huh, I upset him. What'd I say? I'm sure I understood what he was trying to tell me, every last word. _ She thought of Michifusa's correction of her essay assignment and blinked.  _ Maybe it's not about understanding the theory alone, _ she suddenly thought.  _ He  _ **_is_ ** _ very intelligent and I guess he's used to getting preachy with the ignorant masses,  _ she thought wryly,  _ but in the end it's always about what he thinks is right. _ She frowned slightly.  _ So what does he think is the _ real _ problem? _

Sesshoumaru's eyes had flickered to her face again, and Kagome only noticed belatedly as she came out of her private musing. She blushed and mumbled a quick apology, withdrawing from his proximity. Then she stared at him.  _ Wait, I've been staring blankly at him for almost a good two minutes practically directly under his nose, and he didn't say a word? Didn't melt my face off? _ She blinked, and Sesshoumaru refused to look at her, and something clicked. "You mean me, don't you," she said quietly.

His face remained passive, but Kagome noticed that Sesshoumaru had stiffened.

"You do mean me," she said finally. "I'm the other ordered system that would be affected. If you tell me what you know, it'll cause drastic changes in my own development." She paused and gave him a tiny, uncertain smile. "Hey, you know, that's not physics anymore."

Sesshoumaru's shoulders relaxed slightly. "… that is also true," he said with a hint of dry amusement. The silence fell between them again, this time not so tense, and yet still a far cry away from being comfortable. They both listened to the rustling of the trees and the tinkling of the water for quite some time, one too proud to speak first and the other too shy.

Kagome drew her knees to her chest and chewed on her lower lip nervously. "Why does it matter to you?" she asked him finally. "I'm the girl who cursed you after all. Why do you care about what happens to me? I'm trying to help here, you know. You could be killing two birds with one stone."

"I do not wish to kill anyone!" Sesshoumaru answered vehemently, his voice shattering the quiet stillness of the dark valley. Kagome scrambled backwards, her eyes wide from his fierce and unexpected snarl. The sudden movement caught his eye, and with effort, he inhaled sharply and slowly slid his stoic mask back into place. "Five hundred years of human history has satiated my even my lust for blood," he answered her softly. "I am a hibakusha."

Kagome drew in her breath sharply. "I—I'm sorry," she said after finding her voice. "I didn't know—"

"Do not apologize for the stupidity of your race as a whole," Sesshoumaru corrected her curtly. "You are but one person. As I have said, you cannot change the past."

Kagome rested her chin on her knees, trying to blink away the tears in her eyes. When she had managed to recover somewhat, she swallowed thickly. "But why, then? Why won't you let me at least try to save your people? You  _ know _ —"

"It is not about saving the demons from their fate. Our destiny is written." He turned to face her, his eyes glowing intensely in the darkness, and Kagome swallowed. He was waiting for something, waiting for a sign from her. She reached out very slowly and carefully touched his shoulder. He blinked, and for a moment, the curtain that veiled his eyes fell, and she saw his reasons, his frailty, all too clearly.

_ Because I do not want to be alone, even if I am not aware that I am alone. _

Kagome swallowed again, her heart hammering in her chest.  _ What are you? _ she wanted to ask him.  _ What do you want? _ She couldn't bring herself to voice the question because she didn't know the answer for herself. It wasn't love; after living three years of constant heartache and sacrifice for Inuyasha, she considered herself something of an expert on the subject, at least for the unrequited variety. Yet it wasn't friendship, either; they hardly knew each other as it was, and had circumstances been different, she knew they wouldn't have bothered to develop one.  _ Circumstance, _ she thought grimly.  _ We're both victims of it. _ That was the bond they shared; it was a strange and uncomfortable one, destined to be brief and painful. And yet here was Sesshoumaru, grasping on to what little she could offer as though it was too precious to squander; too selfish to fix what was so obviously wrong with the world simply because her presence gave him one evening of comfort during five hundred years of hell.  _ Your pride is going to kill both of us, _ Kagome noted, observing his silence as the veil was replaced and his attention returned to the dark depths of the water.

Her guilt magnified as she watched him, growing bright and hot. It burned through her, as though she was an ant focused under a lens. "I made that wish," she finally said. "I banished you and god knows how many other demons into human forms." Pushing her feet underneath her, she placed her hands onto the grass before her and bowed low, her head touching the moist ground. "Let me have the chance to set things right. Please, Sesshoumaru. Let me fix my mistake." She heard a slight rustle of cloth as he turned to regard her.

"That is what you believe?" His voice held a slight note of surprise, and Kagome glanced up, confused.

"Huh? Isn't that what you said?" she asked, straightening up.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed into slits. "That is not true. Again, you have misinterpreted my words."

"Only because you're never clear!" Kagome sat up completely, glaring at Sesshoumaru angrily. Her nerves felt raw and tense, and she was exhausted not only from the lack of sleep but also the emotional rollercoaster that she was riding, and her patience was all but gone. "Speak up!" she yelled at him. "So far you've only been talking about theories and possibilities, the what-ifs and the maybes! What happened to all that stuff about good old fashioned empirical evidence, huh? Fact and observation?" She clapped her mouth shut, giving him a glare that probably would have made him proud as a teacher. "Tell. Me. What. Happened." she grit out.

Sesshoumaru sighed slightly. "That would not be wise."

"Screw wisdom!" Kagome yelled. She smacked her hand against her chest, her eyes wide with fury. "In case you didn't notice, this system has already been damaged! You're the one who did it, so you have to fix it now! Tell me the truth!"

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at her, but Kagome didn't cower under the force of his glare this time. She had seen behind his mask, she knew of his frailty, and she was plain old tired. Using the knowledge that he actually wouldn't actually hurt her no matter how frosty his gaze was might have been considered an unfair advantage, but by that point, Kagome was feeling anything but charitable.

"… Naraku gathers the last of the remaining shards to himself," he said after a moment. "He is aided by the undead priestess and the boy who is caught between the living and the dead. This act destroys your friends completely, and allows Naraku to restore the jewel within his body."

Kagome went still, the fire dying from her eyes. "What do you mean it destroys my friends?" she asked him, feeling the pit of her stomach drop out.

Sesshoumaru fell silent.

"Tell me," she said quietly.

"The monk is consumed by his curse. In his last moments he brings the one-who-is-not to death with him."

"The one who is not?" Kagome asked, confused.

"The one who is nothing," Sesshoumaru answered. "The eldest child of Naraku." He paused, continuing. "The demon slayer does not die," he continued. "Not physically," he added as an afterthought.

Kagome bit her lip, trying to fight back her tears.  _ Oh Sango… but you have to watch Miroku and Kohaku die… _ A sob escaped her lips, and Kagome raised her hand to her mouth and bit on her palm, forcing it back down. She couldn't let herself be distracted; she had to find out what happened to the jewel. When she felt she was under control again, she gave Sesshoumaru a shaky nod.

"The wolf is also slain, protecting you." Kagome felt a chill come over her body.  _ If Kouga dies protecting me, then… _ "Inuyasha—" she began.

"My half-brother lives," Sesshoumaru continued smoothly. "Together we defeat the evil that is Naraku and retrieve the jewel." An almost imperceptible shadow fell over his face at the memory, and Kagome knew that no amount of pleading or questioning would make him elaborate on the curt explanation. He fell silent, lost in thought, and Kagome waited for a few more moments before growing impatient.

"I need to know what happens to the jewel," she reminded him gently.

Sesshoumaru blinked slowly, focusing on Kagome once more. "Only you have the power to purify the completed Jewel of the Four Souls," he said.

Kagome held her breath and nodded for him to continue.

"Your love for my half-brother prompts you to offer him the jewel."

Her breath left her body in a whoosh. "Inuyasha makes that wish?" Kagome choked, balling her hands into fists. "I don't believe it!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes focused and sharpened. "Silence!" he growled. "You jump to conclusions much too quickly, girl! Had Inuyasha been so foolish as to desire the destruction of all demons, I would have slain him where he stood!"

Kagome blushed and forced herself to relax. "Sorry," she mumbled. She heard Sesshoumaru snort and pause, and tried not to fidget as she waited for him to continue. He drew the silence out, obviously enjoying her discomfort, but even though she felt her eyebrow twitching, she refused to rise to the bait. The urge to know what happened to the jewel was greater than her annoyance, and eventually Sesshoumaru gave up.

"My idiot half-brother gives the jewel to the undead priestess."

Kagome's eyes widened.  _ So… he chose her, _ she thought, feeling another piece of her heart, one that she had long thought well-prepared for that eventuality, clench painfully inside of her chest. "He let Kikyou make that terrible, selfish wish," she whispered, feeling her anger and confusion mingle.  _ I thought I understood her! _ Kagome thought furiously, feeling somehow betrayed even though she and Kikyou had barely even spoken with each other. "How could she?"

"Selfish wish?" Sesshoumaru echoed, his eyebrow rising slightly. "No, I see you do not understand at all," he said as he met Kagome's eyes. Her anger drained away into confusion and she waited for him to continue without prodding. "The priestess simply wishes for the dominance of human blood, so that no demon will be capable of lusting after the power of the jewel again."

"That wish seals away all of the demons in Japan!" Kagome cried out. "How is that not a selfish wish?"

"How do you believe the priestess sustained herself in the world of the living, the world she did not belong to?" he asked her.

"By stealing the innocent souls of…" Kagome trailed off, remembering the glowing, ethereal forms of Kikyou's soul-collecting insects.  _ Demons… they were demons, too, _ she realized.  _ If she sealed them away, then she would die… really die, this time. _ She heard Sesshoumaru continue even as she began to grasp the ramifications of Kikyou's wish.

"Weaker demons, those lacking sentience or willpower, are killed immediately. The half-breeds simply revert to their human bodies. And the strong…" Sesshoumaru trailed off, his eyes growing distant again.

"You become human," Kagome finished.

"The strong are able to resist," Sesshoumaru corrected her, his eyes falling shut. "But only briefly. Not even this Sesshoumaru can overcome the power of a pure wish on the Jewel of the Four Souls."

Sesshoumaru's face remained calm and smooth, but Kagome could see the hidden pain etched into his features at the memory.  _ It must have been horrible, _ she realized suddenly.  _ More horrible for the stronger demons, the ones who were able to witness their transformation slowly and fight tooth and nail against it. _ She wondered how long it had taken before Kikyou's curse had defeated the proud demon before her. Watching Sesshoumaru's marble-like countenance, she shivered and suddenly didn't want to know.

His eyelids rose slowly, and he turned and looked at Kagome. "The sun will rise soon," he noted. "Leave me."

Kagome opened her mouth. "But—"  _ I'm not ready yet, _ she wanted to say, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sadness overcome her.

"You will follow this one request," Sesshoumaru told her, his eyes falling shut once more. He remained very still, and in that moment she knew he was not ready, either, and that this was the way things would be, and that all of the wishing in the world wouldn't change it.

Some time later, Kagome stumbled back into the Sunset Shrine, tired, worried and depressed, and collapsed into the arms of her very concerned mother. She slept through her last remaining day in the modern era completely, missing every single one of her classes, and when she finally woke, she cursed Sesshoumaru for being too good of a teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: "Hibakusha" means "explosion affected people" – a term used for survivors of the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.


	7. 06: Distracted

Kagome needed more time. Even Inuyasha had agreed for once, stating that she was "fighting distracted" before shipping her down the well to recover. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. The last trip into the past had been the worst yet in more ways than one. She winced and moved her hand slowly over the bandage that graced her side. "Looks like you're going to have some friends," she said out loud as she continued trailing her fingers downwards and traced over the small, irregular scar at her side. It was the visible reminder that she, once, had been the bearer of the Jewel of the Four Souls and not Naraku. Granted, Naraku didn't have every last piece just yet; there was still Kouga, Kohaku and of course the lonely, single shard encased in the tiny glass jar around her neck. That Naraku would complete the jewel, however, was a foregone conclusion in Kagome's mind. The only question left was the matter of time. At least that much was still uncertain; yet despite the fact that it was the one unknown left in the equation, Kagome also knew it wouldn't be enough; it would never be enough.

"Kagome, honey, do you need anything?" Her mother's loud question carried upwards from the bottom of the stairs, and Kagome let a tired smile pass across her face.

"No Mama, I'm good!" she called back, wincing as her side twitched spasmodically from the effort of yelling. Angrily, she stabbed her finger into the gauze wrapped around her torso and hissed as a spike of pain answered her touch. The bandages bloomed into an ugly pinkish red as her less-than-gentle prodding allowed blood to seep through and saturate the gauze. "Stupid cut," she said after a moment, giving up her inspection and dropping her head back onto her pillow. She sighed softly and closed her eyes, thinking about all of the classes she was missing. The summer semester was drawing to a close, and Kagome could feel her chances for a successful 'graduation' at the end of the term coming to an end with it. "Today was the last class, too," Kagome grumbled, trying to keep her mind focused on the content of the course she was currently missing and not its instructor.

It was impossible, of course; the real reason for Kagome's irritation was that she was passing away what was quite possibly the last of her precious few chances to see Professor Michifusa again in her room. True to Sesshoumaru's word, he had not seemed to remember their meeting at all when she next saw him again. By then, he was completely human and completely oblivious of the secrets they had shared. The only difference she noticed in his behaviour was that the intensity and frequency of his dissecting glares was greatly diminished. It was almost disappointing; now that she had finally achieved the status of a normal student in the class, she no longer wanted it. In a mixture of girlish fantasy and wishful thinking, Kagome had hoped that her presence alone would be somehow special enough to draw out the real Sesshoumaru despite her lack of jewel shards. Two weeks without even a hint of change in Michifusa, however, had effectively managed to crush her expectations.  _  Nothing like a little cold, harsh reality to take the wind out of your sails, _ Kagome thought with bitter disappointment.

"Why am I torturing myself like this?" Kagome asked herself wearily; it wasn't the first time she had pondered the question. "It's not like I want to see him again. You'd have to be crazy to want to see him again." Her side pulsed in agreement.  _ Definitely crazy, _ she thought with a wince. Even if it was possible to reawaken Sesshoumaru, she would first have to overcome the problem of cornering Michifusa on a new moon evening now that they no longer even had the excuse of the history course to bind them together. Her hands strayed to the jar around her neck, and disappointment rose in her throat like bile. Or perhaps it really was bile, considering that her side had begun to throb once more where she had disturbed her injury. Either way, Kagome felt she deserved it; Sesshoumaru had indicated that it was mostly a matter of chance and luck that he had been awakened by the shards that she always carried with her. Now that she had been careless enough to lose all but one of the jewel fragments in her possession to Naraku, the planets would probably have to align before she could awaken him again.  _ If _ she could awaken him again. If she could even see him or his alternate human personality, considering that she was supposed to be bedridden for the next week due to her feudal-era vivisection.

Kagome fought against the depressive funk she could feel herself sinking into as she stared at the cracks in the ceiling of her bedroom. Hunting down the remaining fragments had become fast, furious and completely demoralizing as Naraku trumped them at every turn; coming back exhausted and woefully unprepared for her fast-approaching exams didn't help her relax. The hardest blow of all, however, was being ignored by Michifusa. Drawing out Sesshoumaru's answers to her questions about the past should have satiated her curiosity; instead, it left a yawning gap that had her scrambling desperately for a reason to come into contact with him. It was that same desperation that had nearly killed her. Kagome's hand strayed back to her side and her eyes fluttered shut.

"It's almost embarrassing," she murmured to herself, trying transform her disappointment into shame. It didn't work; she didn't regret giving herself the injury even if it had proved the futility of her efforts. To live without even trying would have been worse. Icy amber eyes teased her memory, and she blinked back the hot tears that rose unexpectedly under her eyelids.  _ Maybe not worse after all, _ she thought to herself. Physical pain was incidental and would pass; knowing the truth brought a much sharper, lasting hurt with it.

They had been travelling back towards the Bone-Eater's Well; despite their run-in with Naraku, despite the loss of their jewel splinters, despite the impending sense of doom that shrouded their every movement with tense anticipation, they were making the journey that would return Kagome to her own world. She had insisted upon it; there was nothing to be done, as she knew the game was in Naraku's hands. Her fatalism hadn't sat well with the others, but in the end it came down to practicality; there was nothing else to do  _ but _ wait. And so she had insisted that she return to her time to complete her studies, despite all that had happened.

Inuyasha had been the first to notice something was amiss and had ordered their small band to halt. And then it had happened in the blink of an eye;  _ he _ was there, as breathtakingly beautiful and untouchable as she remembered him. It was about the shards, Kagome remembered faintly; he had been annoyed that they had lost the remainder of their jewel shards. Naraku must have had another parley with Sesshoumaru; whatever had happened, it had bothered him enough to meet with Inuyasha. All told, it had gone rather well; Inuyasha had refrained from drawing out his sword and attempting to sever his half-brother's other arm, and in return Sesshoumaru had allowed them to live. Kagome thought it was pretty generous on his part, considering how obviously disgusted he was with their ability to keep their jewel fragments away from Naraku's clutches. They had come to an uncomfortable understanding; they would face Naraku together. And it would have ended there, if Kagome had been able to quash the small spark of hope and desperation that had risen in her breast as he turned to leave.

"I'm so stupid," Kagome sighed, bringing her hands back to her side and opening her eyes. She couldn't see the ceiling anymore; her vision was filled with the expression on his face as she dared to speak to him. Incredulity. Annoyance at her unwarranted familiarity. And a bored disgust that a mere human would dare to approach him. Kagome had let the anchor of time slip once again, confusing his beautiful, impassive face with the one that had needed her, the one that understood her. The Sesshoumaru that answered her was the real Sesshoumaru, the demon of the past tense. Once again, he had proved to be an excellent teacher; despite the warnings of her own friends, he himself had been the one to remind her that the flow of time was linear.

"You are the one who surrendered the shards to Naraku?" he had asked, blatantly ignoring her attempt to bridge the gap between them. It was more of a rhetorical question, Kagome knew now; he had wanted her confirmation so as to be certain that his actions were warranted. Sesshoumaru might have disliked humans, but waste irked him much more deeply. Her slight nod gave him not only the confirmation he was waiting for but also her unknowing permission to begin his instruction. He hadn't even needed to use words; as she collapsed onto the ground, still too shocked to completely feel the pain blossoming against her stomach, Kagome remembered vaguely hoping that she hadn't upset the fragile truce the brothers had so tenuously established just moments ago. From the look on Inuyasha's face as he chased Sesshoumaru away, however, her hopes were more than likely misplaced. Her little escapade had, at least, ensured that her final week of exams would be uninterrupted, if a little more painful than usual.

"I should've known he wouldn't be my Sesshoumaru," Kagome chided herself. As the thought completed itself, she finally did succeed in bringing a blush of shame to colour her cheeks. Not for confronting Sesshoumaru in the feudal era, nor for foolishly underestimating the toll five hundred years of humanity would have on his personality; this regret was caused by understanding the full scope of the error of her assumption.  _ He never was mine. Ever. _ And yet, even knowing of the gulf that was between them, its borders now clearly defined as the jagged slashes across her side, she still needed to see him again.  _ I wonder if this is how drug addicts feel. _

Trying to turn her thoughts down slightly less defeatist pathways, Kagome thought about their current impasse with Naraku. Which wasn't doing much for improving her mood, but knowing that he would eventually be defeated did lift her spirits slightly. "The worst demons always seem to come out of the human heart," Kagome noted. Her spirits sank as she wrestled with the problem of allowing him to complete the jewel and preventing any more deaths from occurring. Death and the fate of the Jewel of the Four Souls always seemed to be irrevocably intertwined around each other. A soft knock at her bedroom door was a welcome interruption to Kagome's musing, and she looked up to find her mother standing in the doorway, holding a steaming bowl of broth on a tray.

"I brought you something to eat, Kagome," she said with a knowing smile as she entered the room, busily setting the tray onto the nightstand next to Kagome's bed. She seated herself on the edge of mattress and in typical motherly fashion, laid her hand across Kagome's forehead.

"Mama! I'm fine, really, I don't even have a fever!" Kagome protested weakly. "I thought I told you I didn't need anything," she added, eyeing the bowl of broth. Her stomach decided to make its presence known with a loud rumble, and Kagome sighed in defeat.

"Maybe so, but you really should eat something to keep your strength up if you want to heal quickly. A body that's been injured needs all the help it can get," her mother chided with a knowing smile as she pressed the bowl and spoon into Kagome's hands. The same sunny smile that Kagome had inherited faltered slightly as she regarded her daughter with slight worry. "Besides, I didn't want to leave you alone up here for too long."

Kagome paused, the spoon only making the journey halfway to her mouth before falling back into the bowl. She looked at her mother, really  _ looked _ at her for the first time in a very long while. Short, wavy black hair ringed her heart-shaped face, and the first signs of age were just beginning to line her eyes. Worry, however, had deepened them, etching them prematurely into her mother's gentle face. Kagome looked down at her broth, wondering when it was that her mother had started to grow old, and was surprised to find that the answer had started three years ago. Nothing had changed outwardly; her mother was still all smiles, encouragement and passive acceptance of almost every request and piece of news Kagome had brought with her over the years. But those tiny lines sprinkled around the edge of her eyes and lips, those gave away volumes more than her sympathetic smiles ever had.  _ Did I put those lines there, Mama? _ she wanted to ask. Instead, all she managed was a soft "Oh?"

"You've always been very sensitive, honey," Mrs. Higurashi said softly. "I know you've been under quite a lot of stress these last few weeks, but it's more than just your exams, isn't it? Something is worrying you."

Unable to meet her mother's eyes, Kagome settled for swirling tiny patterns into the surface of the broth with her spoon. "We lost almost all of our jewel shards last time," she said softly. "It was partially my fault." That much was true, but Kagome could already tell her mother didn't believe her explanation for one minute.

"Kagome," she began carefully, "you know you can tell me anything. Anything at all." She paused with a small, hopeful expression on her face, but Kagome refused to fill the silence. "It's not just your quest in the past that's bothering you," she tried again, being unusually direct for once. That captured Kagome's attention, who snapped her eyes to her mother's face.

_ Oh Mama… _ Kagome thought, suddenly wishing she was six years old again, the trusting and innocent child who could run into her mother's arms and chatter happily about anything on her mind. Those days were long gone, however, and the eighteen-year-old Kagome wasn't strong enough to break down the barriers that had built up between them over the years. She gave her mother a meek smile, grateful for the effort, but knew it was doomed to fail. "You're right," she said out loud.

_ You don't understand me anymore, Mama, and I don't understand you. _

Her mother waited, the hopeful expression remaining on her face until she finally realized that Kagome wasn't going to elaborate on her answer. A flash of hurt and sadness played across her features as she finally heard Kagome's unspoken answer. At that moment, Kagome watched her mother intently.  _ Come on, Mama, _ she thought quietly.  _ Get angry. Yell at me. Say something. Don't give up, not yet! _ she cried out silently.

Her mother sighed softly and then gave her daughter a tiny, half-hearted smile of defeat. And in that moment, Kagome loved her mother more than anything else in the world. That was the reason the pain that stabbed through her heart at the sound of her capitulation was more intense than her physical wounds would ever be; she knew then with certainty that they would never understand each other. Time was linear, and Kagome would never be six years old again, and while her mother would always be waiting for her on the other side of the well, they were still irrevocably lost to one another. Yet another pair of victims to the jewel's fate. Kagome's hands clenched into fists and she forced out a weak smile.

"I'll always be here for you if you need me, Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi said, patting her daughter on the arm.

"I know, Mama." As her mother stood and turned to leave the room, Kagome's heart twisted painfully and she cried out before she could stop herself. "Mama!"

Mrs. Higurashi stopped, half-turned in the doorway and regarded her daughter curiously.

"I… I love you, Mama." Kagome smiled at her mother sadly, wishing she could explain her feelings with something more adequate than those three flimsy words.  _ I'm sorry, _ she added silently.

Kagome's mother smiled in return, slightly bewildered by her daughter's unexpected declaration but accepting nonetheless. She paused and then widened her eyes, clapping a hand to her cheek. "Oh, that's right!" she exclaimed. "Your history teacher called."

All of Kagome's tender thoughts flew out the window, replaced with shock. She almost upturned the bowl of soup onto her lap as she registered her mother's words. "WHAT?" she finally managed to yell.

Mrs. Higurashi took her daughter's uneasiness to be fear. "Oh dear. Are you still having problems with that man?" she asked uncertainly.

"You could say that," Kagome answered evasively. "What'd he want?"

"Professor Michifusa seemed to be quite a gentleman on the phone. I don't know why he upsets your grandfather so much." She gave Kagome a small, encouraging smile. "He's not as bad as you think, Kagome. He was actually very concerned about your performance in class. I already mentioned that you wouldn't be able to attend today," she added, eyeing the bandages around Kagome's stomach.

"What'd you tell him?" Kagome asked quickly, her stomach curling in dread as she remembered the hoards of unbelievable excuses her grandfather had managed to cook up over the years.

"I only told him the truth, dear, that you were suffering from an unexpected injury." She gave her daughter an amused look as Kagome sagged against her bed with an almost comical sigh of relief. "You'll have to dress up, honey. Your teacher will be stopping by the shrine later this evening."

Kagome instantly tensed again. "He's coming here?" she asked incredulously.

Again, Mrs. Higurashi misread her daughter's nervousness, giving her an appeasing smile. "Don't worry, your grandfather doesn't know about this yet. Your teacher said the quality of your work has been dropping off in the last few weeks, and considering your special circumstances that it would be beneficial to have a private meeting."

"My special circumstances?" Kagome echoed with a note of disbelief.  _ He told her what I've been doing? He remembers who he is? _ Rather than making her nervous that he had revealed his secret to her family, the thought made her giddy with excitement.  _ He's coming to see me! _ was all she could manage to make her brain compute.

Kagome's mother regarded her daughter curiously. "Why yes, your history credit for the high school equivalency exam. What did you think I was talking about?" She frowned suspiciously. "Is there something else you wanted to tell me, Kagome?"

"No!" Kagome answered a little too quickly as she tried to push down her slight disappointment.  _ So it's only Michifusa who wants to see me, not Sesshoumaru. Well, it's better than nothing! _ Flushing, she recovered and waved her hands at her mother. "No, it's nothing. It's just that he's a pretty tough teacher. I always thought he hated me," she added with a bright smile. Her appetite had returned with a vengeance, and with a grin, she grabbed the bowl of broth and began to eat quickly. "So when's he coming over?" she paused to ask.

"He was very eager to see our shrine. I think he'll be stopping by as soon as your class is over."

Kagome nearly spit out her broth. "That's in less than half an hour!" she yelled in surprise.

Mrs. Higurashi frowned again. "Yes, dear. Swallow before you talk, I raised you to have better manners than that."

Gulping, Kagome nodded meekly and put the bowl away. An idea struck her, and she smiled at her mother brightly. "Say, it's going to be late by the time he arrives. I know Mr. Michifusa's a bachelor, so I bet he'd appreciate it if you invited him to stay for dinner," she said happily.  _ I bet he wouldn't, _ she thought privately, but she wasn't going to let that stop her from passing up the golden opportunity that was presenting itself to keep him at the shrine for a while longer. "Besides, who can refuse your cooking?" she added, trying to ignore the obvious problem of her grandfather's reaction to the news.

"That's a great idea!" Mrs. Higurashi said, clapping her hands together. As if she could read her daughter's mind, she smiled reassuringly at Kagome. "Don't worry, I'll handle Grandpa. That means I should get started right away, though," she added. "We'll be having an extra guest at the table tonight after all."

Kagome could almost hear her mom's thoughts turning as she bustled her way out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen. It brought a momentary smile to her face which soon faltered as she thought over their earlier conversation.  _ I know Mama wasn't always such a homebody, but I can't remember her being anything else. _ There was a big difference between the daily struggle of cleaning the house and the daily struggle of avoiding death at the hands of marauding demons. Kagome found herself wishing that she shared some common thread of understanding with her mother besides her broken heart. "If wishes were fishes we'd all be throwing nets," she laughed tiredly.

Pushing the thought from her mind, she eyed the clock on her bed stand. "I'd better get ready," she mumbled, giving a small grunt of pain as she raised herself off of the bed and began to clean herself up. She thought over Michifusa's visit, wondering what she was going to say to him.  _ Maybe it really is Sesshoumaru, _ she found herself thinking hopefully. A glance out the window showed that the setting sun was still hanging prominently in the sky, and Kagome sighed deeply.  _ Maybe I really am too much of an optimist. _ Thinking about it, it wasn't too hard to understand why a very human Michifusa would want to see her; her grades had been slipping once again in the last few weeks as Naraku's efforts had intensified. All of the resolve in the world couldn't help Kagome overcome the simple boundary of human limitations; she had been pushing too hard almost constantly for the past month in both worlds. She was stretching herself too far, like a pat of butter scraped too thinly over dry toast. The only surprise to Kagome was that Michifusa would care enough to visit the shrine and help her; she would have expected him to be more likely to gloat at her failure.

The loud slamming of the front door caught Kagome's attention, and quickly, she finished dressing and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to make herself presentable as a wave of nervousness settled into her stomach. Stumbling into the hallway, she almost barrelled into Souta as he tromped up the staircase. The nervousness fled from her and she sighed in exasperation. "Oh, it's just you," she said with a small frown as she backed away from her brother. "What've you been up to, squirt?"

"None of your business," Souta muttered rudely, pushing past Kagome towards his room. He stopped as Kagome caught his arm and spun him around. "Hey, leggo!" he yelled at her, shaking free of her grip.

"Souta," Kagome said, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "We have to talk." For the past few weeks, it had been the same; whenever she was home, Souta stayed out as much as possible. And when they did talk, he was always rude and sulky.  _ I swear, he acts like I'm a karmic curse on the household. _ Kagome was fed up with his behaviour, and she decided that she was going to get to the root of it right then and there.

"No we don't," Souta answered her, stomping towards his room. Kagome followed him doggedly, shoving her foot in the door and giving a little grunt of pain as he tried to shut it anyway.

"Listen, I can stand here and scream at you in the hallway until Mama comes upstairs, or you can let me in and we can talk," Kagome growled. "Now get out of the way!" she said, pushing the door to his room open and then slamming it behind her.

Souta rolled his eyes and ignored her, snatching one of his comics off of the floor and flopping down onto the bed.

"Souta…" Kagome warned as he ignored her, making a great show of flipping through the magazine very slowly. She refused to stop staring at him, knowing it was only a matter of time before he would get too uncomfortable to ignore her. It worked, and he lowered the pages slightly, glaring at her.

"You're the one who wanted to talk, so talk," he said cheekily.

Kagome felt her eyebrows lifting with surprise;  _ he sounds just like me! _ she thought with a flash of pride. Only this time her attitude was backfiring on her.  _ I don't want a confrontation, _ she realized. Sighing, Kagome hobbled over to Souta's bed and settled on the edge of it, just as her mother had done, and hoped that the outcome of her talk would be slightly better. "Why do you always have ants in your pants, munchkin?" she asked, reaching out and ruffling Souta's hair affectionately. She bit her lip to prevent a sharp retort when he slapped her hand away and stared at him, waiting for an answer.

"I don't wanna talk about it," he told her, crossing his arms and slumping away from her.

"Tough luck," Kagome answered firmly. Seeing him hunch over even more, she let out a little sigh. "I know it's something I've done, okay?" she told him softly. "But I can't make it right if you won't even talk to me," she added. "What'd I do to make you so angry, Souta?"

Souta only scowled, refusing to answer her, and Kagome's thin patience snapped in half.

"Fine. Don't tell me, then," she said sharply. "But even if you won't say anything to me, you'd better have some good explanation for your behaviour towards Mama and Grandpa. Don't think I haven't noticed!" she hissed. "If you want to hurt me, that's fine, but if you think I'm just going to sit by and watch while you hurt them, you've got another thing coming!"

That seemed to spur her little brother out of his silence, and he whirled on her, his face scrunched up with anger. "Like you can talk!" he yelled at her, his face flushing red. "What about you, huh, Kagome? What about what you're doing to them?" He glared at the look of shock that passed over her face. "Yeah, I bet you didn't notice anything," he said loudly, though the anger was beginning to seep out of his voice. "You never notice anything anymore. You're never here," he added, turning away from her so that she couldn't see his face. His telltale sniffle gave him away, though.

_ He's still so young, _ Kagome thought suddenly as she watched him rub at his eyes angrily. He hadn't sounded young when he was yelling at her, though; that was the problem, Kagome realized. Anger had twisted his countenance with a maturity that was severely out of place on his youthful face. And she realized belatedly that it was her that was forcing him to grow up. "Souta," she said softly, reaching for his shoulder. She hesitated, uncertain, and then dropped her hand onto his shoulder. He shied away from her touch, and it hurt her deeply.  _ I won't give up, _ she thought suddenly, remembering the conversation she had with her mother. She grabbed his shoulder again, this time more firmly. "Hey, squirt," she said softly, refusing to allow him to push her away.

Souta held himself very stiffly under her hands, and then, gradually, the tension drained away from his shoulders. He still didn't turn to face her however. They stayed like that for a moment before he finally spoke. "Why do you always have to leave us?" he whispered sadly.

"I wouldn't if I had the choice," Kagome replied gently. She started as her brother finally turned to face her, staring solemnly into her eyes.

"Really?" he asked her, his expression knowing. "If you didn't have that stupid destiny that Grandpa's always telling us about, you'd stay with us?"

Kagome hesitated.  _ I… I still love Inuyasha, _ she realized.  _ And Shippou, he's practically a son to me now… Sango and Miroku, even Kouga… could I really leave them all? _ Her heart felt like it was ripping in two, and her indecision must have shown on her face, because Souta gave her an unhappy smirk and turned away from her once again. She quailed, suddenly realizing that must have been how Inuyasha felt, each time he was forced to choose between herself and Kikyou.  _ Two-timer, _ her heart whispered.  _ I thought you promised yourself never to hurt anyone as carelessly as Inuyasha did. _ She realized now that she had failed spectacularly, and it wounded her deeply.  _ I won't run from my problems, though, _ she swore to herself as she watched her brother scrub away another tear angrily. At least in that much she would be different from Inuyasha.

"Souta," she said, grabbing her brother firmly and drawing him into a fierce hug. "I'm sorry. I know it's not much, and I know it's my fault. And I know you don't believe me, but if things could be different, I'd stay with you. Most of the time I wish I never fell down that well at all." She paused as she felt his shoulders shake, and tried to hold back her own tears, nestling her chin on top of his head. "You don't have to forgive me. I'm not asking for that, and I didn't earn it," she continued quietly. "But please believe me, just this once. I love you. I really do, I love you and Mama and Grandpa very much and I never meant to hurt you." She hiccupped and held her breath, afraid to release her brother and see his rejection. A part of her crumbled with relief as she felt his hands circle her waist and return her hug.

"I miss you, Kagome!" he sobbed, his cries muffled into her neck as she rocked him soothingly. He drew back suddenly as he heard her emit a quick hiss of pain and released her. "Kagome?" he asked, his eyes wide with worry.

"It's nothing," Kagome answered with a wince as her hand rubbed her injured side. Souta's squeeze had been a little too eager, and it was throbbing once again.

He clearly didn't believe her, and Kagome felt a wave of remorse at the look of fright that crossed his face. "Don't worry," she reassured him quickly, "It's just a scratch. I'll be better in a week, you'll see!" she added cheerfully.

"What if you die there?" he asked her quietly, his young eyes that were too old searching her face. He was angry and scared, Kagome realized, and his question had also frightened her.

_ What if I do die there? _ Closing her eyes, she gave her brother a shaky smile as the realization struck her. She only knew as much of the future as Sesshoumaru had seen.  _ What happens after the jewel is complete? _ she thought.  _ What happens to me? Do I even come back? _ She had grown so accustomed to accepting the idea that her future was predetermined that she had forgotten the possibility of life after the jewel. Sensing the tension in her little brother, Kagome tried to focus on words that would bring him comfort.

"Don't be silly, Souta," she said with more confidence than she felt. "Of course I won't die back there. We'll complete the jewel and then I'll come home. Everything will be—"

"Don't tell me everything's gonna be alright," Souta answered sharply, and she had to smile at his perceptiveness. "I'm not like Mama or Grandpa," he said stubbornly. "Stop treating me like a little kid!"

"You're right," Kagome said apologetically, hugging her brother carefully. "I don't know what's going to happen," she admitted, letting a little bit of fear sneak into her voice. "Sometimes it feels like I'm floundering in the middle of a big ocean and the undertow keeps trying to drag me down." She squeezed her brother more tightly. "I can't run away from this, though, not even if I wanted to. But I need you to be strong for me. Please, squirt. Sometimes it feels like you, Mama and Grandpa are the only things keeping my head above water."

"We're not any better," Souta told her, his answer muffled.

Kagome pulled away from him and held him at arm's length. "I know. That's why I need you to be strong, Souta." She stared at him with an intensity that silenced him, her grip on his shoulders becoming almost painful. "Promise me that you'll look after Mama and Grandpa if something happens. Promise me that you'll be there for them, since I can't." She looked at him sternly, and a silent understanding passed between them.

After a moment, Souta looked away, trying to hold back a few more tears. "I promise," he said sullenly, peering at her from the corner of his eyes. "But you still suck."

"Brat," Kagome laughed, blinking away her own tears and swatting him on the shoulder. "Get yourself cleaned up, we're having a guest for dinner," she told him as she stood up and made her way towards the door.

"Who?" Souta asked her. They both winced as the sound of their grandfather's loud yell answered the question.

"IEYASU MICHIFUSA?" It was surprising that the old man's lungs could achieve that much volume; Kagome figured it was all the fresh air he inhaled from constantly sweeping the shrine grounds. "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" he roared, shaking the floorboards.

"I think I'd better do some damage control," Kagome said with a wink as she gave her brother a little wave. "And Souta… thanks," she said softly.

He gave her a tired smile and a nod, and once again Kagome had to marvel at how much he had grown up while she wasn't looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The "butter" metaphor is directly stolen from the first LotR movie.


	8. 07: Walk Beside Me

Kagome held herself very still and prayed to all the gods she knew of to make it through the evening intact. To say the dinner had not been going well would have been optimistic. Despite their best intentions, both Kagome and her mother had underestimated two important factors in enjoying a pleasant gathering that evening.

Those two factors were currently glaring at each other from across the table in a tense silence. The food on the table was barely touched; everyone was either too busy observing the staring contest or else being a direct participant in it.

_ I should have known this would happen, _ Kagome thought nervously as her eyes flicked back and forth between her grandfather and her history teacher. It might have been her grandfather's uninterrupted bellowing that first clued her in to the problems they'd be having. Or the fact that the old man had opened the front door at the sound of the polite knock and curtly told Michifusa to "go away" before slamming it in his face. Convincing Michifusa to enter the house at all after that incident had been a trial in and of itself.

Clearing her throat, Kagome smiled nervously. "So," she said brightly, trying to diffuse the hostility. "You should really try the sukiyaki," she coughed. "It's my mother's special recipe. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

Michifusa was the first to acknowledge her words, breaking away from her grandfather's stare to nod at Kagome's mother slightly. "Indeed," he said, lowering his poised chopsticks back into the bowl. "It is truly delicious, Mrs. Higurashi. Again, I must thank you for the kind invitation."

His face hardened slightly at her grandfather's loud snort and Kagome mentally dropped her head into her hands. She gave a sigh of relief as Michifusa ignored the noise and continued to scrutinize her mother. Then she almost seized up and died as a suave half-smile played across his features.

"It has been quite some time since I have been able to indulge in the pleasure of a woman's cooking," he told her. "Especially at the hands of one so… competent," he added smoothly, and Mrs. Higurashi's cheeks bloomed with a pleased flush of pink at the compliment.

Kagome was busily trying to pick her jaw up out of her soup. She was about to comment on what she considered his disturbing behaviour when her grandfather beat her to the punch.

"Don't you dare attempt to seduce my daughter with those lewd advances!" he roared, slamming his fist onto the table with enough force to make the bowls shake.

"Papa…" Mrs. Higurashi mumbled, the pink glow transforming into the deep red of embarrassment.

"No, he's right!" Kagome added, earning a grunt of approval from her grandfather and a bored stare from Michifusa. "No disrespect, but you're forty-eight years old, sir! Don't you think you're a little too old for my mom?"

"Forty-eight?" her mother echoed with surprise. "But you don't look a day over thirty! What's your secret?" she asked curiously.

"A healthy diet," Michifusa answered smugly, and as she watched the expression on his face, Kagome knew he was toying with them.  _  Ugh, this must be his revenge for the unexpected dinner invitation, _ she grumbled to herself.  _ Or grandpa's rudeness. Still, the nerve of him, to hit on my own mother-! _ She opened her mouth to provide another sharp retort, but choked as her brother helpfully spoke up, heading her off at the pass.

"Hey, Kagome, how do you know how old Mr. Michifusa is? You don't have a crush on him, do you?" he asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.

Kagome felt her face go red. "Souta!" she hissed.

"Kagome, is this true?" her mother asked sternly. "Come to think of it, you knew he lived alone, too… Is that why you were sneaking out of the house so often these past few months? Have you been spying on poor Mr. Michifusa?" she added with a note of reprimand in her voice.

"Mama!" Kagome managed to say in a strangled voice as Michifusa's eyebrow rose impossibly higher. "Would you guys please quit it?" she begged.  _ At least things couldn't possibly get worse, _ she thought miserably.

"Don't you dare attempt to seduce my granddaughter either!" her grandfather bellowed, slamming his fist onto the table once more and proving Kagome wrong once again.

"Hnn," Michifusa answered, settling his gaze on the top of Kagome's now-bowed head.

Kagome wished desperately for an earthquake to strike, hoping that the ground would split open and swallow her whole. It didn't happen; instead, Souta "rescued" her once more.

"Aww, don't worry so much, Mama," he said, digging his elbow into Kagome's side. "I was just teasing her. You know how weird Kagome is!" he explained gleefully.

"Hnn," Michifusa said again in agreement.

At that moment death was sounding like a pretty desirable option to Kagome in lieu of the dinner conversation. Preferably Souta's death. "Can we talk about something else please?" she muttered darkly before shovelling some noodles into her mouth and chewing furiously.

"Yes. Let's talk about why this man is here at all," her grandfather answered, glaring angrily at their guest. "He doesn't respect our beliefs and our traditions! It's an outrage that he's even allowed to set foot on the holy shrine grounds!"

Michifusa's attention was quickly diverted back to Kagome's grandfather. "Old man," he said warningly.

"Wha—what did you call me? Why, do you see what I mean? He has no respect!" her grandfather yelled out to no one in particular.

"Simply because I choose to study the true history of our people does not give you the right to refuse me access to this shrine," he answered, his brown gaze stony. "If anything, I have more reason to be here than you," he added disdainfully.

"True history!" Kagome's grandfather sputtered. "What do you know of history? You're simply a disgusting sceptic!"

"Grandpa!" Kagome and Mrs. Higurashi shouted at the same time.

"No," Michifusa's voice boomed out across the table, silencing the two women. His mouth drew into a thin line. "If you wish a battle this badly, Higurashi, then I shall happily accommodate you," he sneered. "So tell me, old man, since you believe so strongly in the gods and fate. Where was the Divine Wind when we needed it half a century ago? Where were the gods that were so supposedly devoted to raising our small land to greatness? Answer me this."

Kagome's grandfather huffed and crossed his arms. "You don't understand anything, you young fool," he said haughtily.

Kagome actually did drop her head into her hands. The others silently watched the interchange between the two men much the way spectators would observe a tennis match as they batted arguments back and forth across the table.

"That war was the punishment of the spirits for indulging in our own selfish desires. Now people like you would have us insult the gods even further by denying their worship!" Her grandfather puffed up with pride, his eyes glowing with a religious fervour Kagome knew all too well. "Shinto is very important to the people of Japan!" he continued loudly. "It's as unnatural to deny our religion as it is to ignore our own roots! Our beliefs bring the people relief and comfort through ritual and form. To spit upon those rituals is to spit upon the very things that make us Japanese!"

Michifusa sat back with an amused expression. "So you mean to say you still believe the imperial family are the living descendents of the sun goddess, despite the fact that the Emperor himself has disavowed this very notion? Forgive me if that does not seem very prudent."

Refusing to be cowed, Kagome's grandfather smiled widely. "Of course I have great respect for our beloved Emperor, but as you said, he's just a man like any other. And like other men, he will also one day become one of the Eight Million Kami who watch over and protect us." A sly look stole over his face. "Whether you believe our Emperor is an ancestor of the gods or not makes no difference. He is destined for divinity in any case!"

"Your argument only makes sense if you believe in this foolish religion," Michifusa answered with a sniff. "And I beg to differ. Humans are hardly divine beings. They are nothing more than highly evolved animals, ruled by instinct and desire. Veiling human behaviour with the trappings of religion does nothing to change its base nature."

Kagome lifted her head away from her palms, regarding her teacher thoughtfully. Something about the way he had said it had caught her attention; it sounded just haughty, just arrogant enough to have come from Sesshoumaru's mouth. But it wasn't Sesshoumaru sitting before her.

"So I see your disrespect extends not only to our religion, but to anyone who lives and breathes, too?" Her grandfather huffed and closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "Humans are more than just evolved monkeys, you know! What a sad existence you must have if you really believe those foolish things. In fact, I find your opinion of us to be very insulting!" her grandfather added sharply.

Michifusa's face had taken on a glacial quality. Kagome was half-waiting for their untouched dinners to freeze over. She was also privately glad that Michifusa was at the table, and not Sesshoumaru; even with five hundred years of tolerance bred into his personality, her grandfather was pushing the limits.

"You find my behaviour disrespectful?" Michifusa said coldly. "My shoes lie at your doorstep. My hands are washed clean, and I have humbly offered my thanks for the food which I now eat with these chopsticks." He narrowed his eyes at the old man fractionally. "Do you not even know the tenets of the religion you claim to follow? By your own definition, I am to be lauded for the proper observation of ritual despite my opinion of your religion. Is that not far more important than my personal beliefs?"

Grandpa Higurashi floundered for a moment, sensing a losing argument. "Y-you're different!" he sputtered. "The rituals you follow are empty. Plus, you actively run around trying to teach your students to discard our sacred traditions!"

"You contradict yourself, old man," Michifusa answered calmly. "Shinto is about ritual, ritual which even I follow. Your arguments have no basis in either fact or reality. You are simply letting your personal opinion of me cloud your judgement of my behaviour. Unfortunate," he added with a disdainful sniff.

Kagome watched her grandfather's face flush a few interesting shades of red, deepening into purple as his mouth worked silently at Michifusa's abrasive dismissal. "Grandpa, maybe we should drop this," she said carefully.

"NO!" he roared, his face pinching with frustration.

Michifusa's smirk did nothing to calm the tension at the table. "You should listen to your granddaughter before you discommodate yourself further, old man. It takes courage to accept defeat." His smirk dropped as Kagome's grandfather made a few more guttural sounds. "A courage which you clearly do not possess."

Kagome felt her fists clench. It was one thing for her grandfather to be unreasonable; she had come to expect that from him, as much as she loved him. It was quite another to allow a guest to shame him in front of the entire family. "That's enough of this rudeness, both of you!" she yelled, silencing the two men. Whipping her head around to Michifusa, she pointed a finger at him. "You! You're a guest in our house, you could at least act like one! We invited you here, you don't have any right to antagonize my grandfather like that!"

"That's my girl," Grandpa Higurashi said smugly, crossing his arms. He froze as Kagome whirled to face him, her finger pointing directly at his nose.

"And you! I can't believe you, Grandpa, treating a guest we invited like that in the first place! You should be ashamed of yourself!" she huffed, glowering at him.

Her grandfather's face grew pinched and sullen. "I'm not the one who allowed that man to come here," he mumbled.

Kagome thought her grandfather's poor excuse for his behaviour was on par of that with a kindergartner, and it pushed her temper over the edge. "Grandpa! I'm embarrassed to be even related to you right now!" she yelled, quaking with fury. "You're the eldest in our household! You're supposed to be wise, to guide our family, but look at you! You're so caught up in following your own rituals that you don't even know what they stand for anymore!" Her anger overflowed, rushing out of her in a torrent. It wasn't just the dinner conversation, though that would have been enough as it was. Three years of being shepherded to the well, of being told it was a destiny she couldn't shirk and that it was her proud fate to be bound to the Jewel of the Four Souls finally shook loose in Kagome's chest. All of the pain and resentment that had been building inside for so long messily spilled out into the open for everyone to see. "Professor Michifusa is right, you know. Shinto is about helping people fit into this world and enjoy their time here, isn't it? So when have we ever done that? When have your beliefs ever caused me anything but trouble? We live in a  _ Shinto shrine _ and I still can't find peace in  _ any _ of my lifetimes! Thanks to our stupid beliefs, I don't fit in anywhere anymore!" She inhaled sharply, her breath shaky, and tried to collect herself.

A deafening silence settled over the table. For the Higurashi family, the meaning behind Kagome's words were clear. Whether Michifusa understood their significance or not, he wisely chose to remain silent. Finally, Kagome placed her hands flat on the table and looked up tiredly. "… Sorry," she said quietly. "Please don't fight at the table anymore." She didn't spare a glance at her grandfather, refusing to meet his questioning eyes.  _ It's your fault for bringing it to this, _ she thought bitterly.  _ I'm not going to apologize for making things uncomfortable, not anymore. _ Another silence settled, punctuated only by the loud ticking of the clock on the wall.

The one who finally broke the tension was Michifusa. "I must apologize," he said quietly. His face was impassive and he held himself proudly, showing no visible sign of regret for his actions. His words, however, surprised them all. "It was improper of me to upset the peace of your household." Tilting his head slightly towards Kagome's grandfather, he met the old man's eyes and held them. "You are correct, of course. To show disrespect for Shinto is to disrespect our very culture, as the two are inseparable. I ask your humble forgiveness for disturbing the harmony of your table," he added, dipping his head ever so slightly.

Kagome's eyes were wide as she watched Michifusa give the barest of bows to her flustered grandfather. She suddenly felt terrible, knowing it was her outburst that had ultimately forced the proud man to acquiesce to her grandfather. And as human as he was, Kagome could no longer entirely separate him from Sesshoumaru, the demon; it made his show of submission that much more disturbing for her to watch.

Her grandfather was also just as surprised, and for a moment Kagome feared he wasn't going to accept his victory graciously. To her relief, he only gave Michifusa a half-hearted scowl and returned the bow. "A man of my age should really know better than to treat a guest so poorly," he managed to mumble gruffly.

As both men straightened, Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat loudly, trying to drive away the remaining tension with her bright smile. "Please, why don't you both enjoy your food," she suggested, picking up her own bowl encouragingly.

And so the dinner continued, still noticeably strained but not quite as confrontational as it had been before. There were no questions asked, no arguments presented when the meal was over and Kagome silently ushered Michifusa outside onto the shrine grounds, safely away from the rest of her family. She didn't want to know what he thought of them after that evening's display.

The evening air was still filled with the sticky humidity of the afternoon, but was cooling rapidly with the setting of the sun. As Kagome watched the twilight settling around them, she shivered against the unexpected chill that struck her with the light evening breeze. It was a typical late summer evening, carrying the hints of the upcoming fall on the wind from time to time. It reminded her that many things that were coming to an end. Sighing, she led Michifusa towards the Goshinboku, smiling as the fireflies that were swirling lazily around it came into view. For a moment she allowed herself to imagine the tiny globes of light congealing together; they formed the image of a dog-eared boy pinned to a tree. Kagome let herself drift in the moment, wishing sadly that the boy had never opened his eyes.  _ I never did know when to let sleeping demons lie, _ she thought with a smile as she sensed more than heard Michifusa approach her side.

"No peace in  _ any _ of your lifetimes?" he asked her mildly. "Do you care to elaborate on that statement?"

She wondered if he thought she was as crazy as the rest of her family. Well, at least he could assume it was hereditary. "Not really," Kagome told him. She wasn't in the mood to open up and have a heart to heart with her religiously sceptical history teacher; she wanted to see Sesshoumaru. And some rational part of her was still aiming for a flying chance of passing her history exam successfully. "You called my mom and said you wanted to come over. What'd you want to talk to me about?"

There was a moment of silence, and then Michifusa cleared his throat. "Yes, there is the matter of your final exam," he began, folding his hands behind his back. "As you know, the test itself counts for twenty percent of your overall grade…" Kagome tuned him out almost as soon as he began, her brow wrinkling slightly. There was an undercurrent of electricity in the air, making her skin feel over-sensitized.  _ Magic, _ she thought, staring at the Goshinboku thoughtfully as her hand rose to her neck.

"… and that is exactly your problem, Miss Higurashi. Are you paying attention?" he added, an irate expression crossing his features.

Kagome jerked around to face Michifusa. "What did you just say?" she asked in surprise.

Michifusa sighed heavily, removing his glasses and rubbing at his nose in his familiar gesture of irritation. "As I suspected, you have not heard a word I said."

"No, I meant what you called me. The 'miss' part," Kagome replied thoughtfully. "You never bothered with formalities before, sir. Why'd you use it now?"

"Oh?" Michifusa squinted, folding his glasses carefully and dropping them into the pocket of his tweed jacket. His voice grew distant, as though he was distracted. "Yes. It seemed appropriate," he mused.

Kagome followed his gaze and looked upwards. The moon was rising in the sky, its first silvery rays spilling their cold light over the yard. The hand that was still resting on her neck tightened, and she quickly lifted tiny glass jar over her head and turned it over, spilling the last jewel fragment into her palm. "Hold out your hand, please," she said firmly.

"Why?" he asked, blinking and turning his face away from the moon, looking at her with a bewildered expression. His hand was already stretching towards hers, strangely compliant with her request despite his confusion.

"Because I want you to wake up, Sesshoumaru," Kagome answered him, dropping the jewel into his outstretched palm. It winked softly in the light, glowing pink, and automatically his fingers began to curl around it. They froze before they could form a closed fist, and Kagome looked up at Michifusa with concern.

Michifusa studied his half-closed hand for a few moments, a small frown gracing his face. Almost reluctantly he spoke once more. "What if I do not wish it? What if I am happy with this simple human life?"

Kagome smiled, carefully reaching out and guiding his fingers shut around the weakly glowing jewel. "Lying is very unbecoming on you, you know. Someone once told me it's not very honourable and even a little bit insulting." When she looked up from his hand, she was unsurprised at the cold amber eyes that greeted her in his pale white face. She gave a tiny sigh as she watched his long hair spill out over his shoulders. "You know, some people would kill to have hair like that," she mused.

"Some have met a most unfortunate end in attempting to obtain it," he answered, gently grasping her wrist and flipping it over. Her pried open her unresisting hand and relinquished the jewel shard. "You have a very colourful family."

Kagome blushed and quickly stored away the shard. "Yeah, about that dinner… I'm really sorry about my Grandpa. You must have really pissed him off sometime in the past, he's not always like that to guests."

"You should make more of an effort to properly train your grandfather," he said, turning away from her and looking at the Goshinboku thoughtfully.

"Are you kidding?" Kagome answered. "This is the same person who told the principal that I couldn't make it to school one time because I had Gulf War Syndrome," she laughed. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Sesshoumaru stiffened slightly beside her. "Apparently you can still teach them to heel," he said placidly.

Despite his cool demeanour, Kagome could tell she had upset him. She looked at the ground, suddenly ashamed of her weakness. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "I just wanted to see you again."

Sesshoumaru remained silent, and Kagome bit her lip. Again, he broke the silence first. "Has it occurred to you that my memories and experiences of the past five hundred years are not particularly pleasant ones?" he said curtly.

"Maybe," Kagome admitted truthfully. The thought had crossed her mind during the past few weeks. She knew she hadn't misread the demon on that evening they had shared in the park, though, and answered him with a confident smile. "I bet you still want to hold onto them, though. They're what make us who we really are." She paused, feeling a small tug of sadness. "They're all we have in the end."

Sesshoumaru fell silent, a contemplative look on his face. He regarded her from the corner of his eye. "Not all  _ we _ have," he corrected.

Kagome broke her contact with him, moving away from Sesshoumaru's side nervously. She couldn't read the expression… or more accurately, the lack of expression on his face, and it made her uneasy. "Anyway," she said a little too loudly, "I didn't really think it was going to work."

Sesshoumaru's mouth twitched slightly. "You are injured," he stated.

Kagome's hand flew to her side, and she quickly looked away from him. It was too late; she knew that he had already made the connection.  _ Now he knows the when, _ Kagome thought to herself.  _ I wonder what he'll do with it. _

"You are very foolish," Sesshoumaru added, interrupting her thoughts.

"I know," Kagome sighed, slightly disappointed. What had she been hoping for? A hint of regret? An apology? Vaguely, she realized she was being unfair again.  _ I don't regret earning this injury, so why should he regret giving it? _ She laughed lightly. "Hey, now you can blame it all on my family."

Something almost like a smile ghosted over Sesshoumaru's face. "I can see where you have inherited your idealistic tendencies from. I believe I respect your grandfather."

Kagome felt her own smile forming before she could stop it. "Yeah," she said with a giggle. "He's crazy and annoying, but I guess I love him after all." Her breath halted as she felt Sesshoumaru's gaze weighing heavily on her. "What?" she asked him curiously.

"You should tell him how you feel."

"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked quietly.

"You should share the feelings you hold for others while it is still possible for them to be accepted." His eyes drifted shut and Kagome knew that he wasn't thinking about her grandfather in that moment. He forced her to think of her angry words at the table, however, and Kagome felt the slow burn of shame fill her.  _ All those things I said to Grandpa… and to think I needed to be scolded by Sesshoumaru to realize how stupid that was. _ She looked up to thank him, and realized that he was still lost in his own memories. "Hey," she said softly, trying to draw him out of his own morose contemplation. "How'd you manage to wake up again?" she asked. "I mean, there's only one jewel shard and it's not even a new moon tonight." The question was meant as a distraction, but she was actually curious about the answer.

"Something has changed," Sesshoumaru said, his eyes opening slowly. "Exposure to your jewel fragments appears to have altered me."

Kagome nibbled on her lower lip nervously. "You're waking up, huh? Why didn't you talk to me then?" she asked, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head at her, his expression bemused. "So you have desired the presence of this Sesshoumaru?" he asked her.

Kagome rolled her eyes and put her hand on her side. " _ This _ Sesshoumaru, yes. Maybe if you said something earlier I wouldn't have had to enjoy the company of  _ that _ Sesshoumaru."

"We are the same," Sesshoumaru told her blandly.

"No, you're not," Kagome answered quickly. "There's a little bit of something that each of you share, but you aren't the Sesshoumaru from the past and you aren't Professor Michifusa either. Believe me, I know from personal experience," she added harshly. "Are you avoiding me?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer her immediately, and Kagome crossed her arms and frowned. "Hey, come on. Don't you even want to try to find a way to stay awake permanently?"

He seemed to contemplate her words. "Permanently…" He said it so quietly, she nearly didn't hear it. Then he looked at her, and again she felt uncomfortable because she couldn't read him. "Give up on your quest," he told her bluntly.

"Huh?" Kagome blinked and rubbed her head. "What are you talking about? Give up on trying to find a way to wake you up?"

A slight turn of his head and another indecipherable glance made her break out into a cold sweat. She realized his gaze was actually directed at the jewel fragment and not herself; she had replaced the splinter into the jar and it was hanging from her neck once more.  _ Oh…  _ **_that_ ** _ quest, _ she finally realized. Slowly, she reached for the jar and wrapped her hand around it, hiding it from his view. Even then, his eyes didn't waver; instead, they were haunted, filled with a desire that she recognized and recoiled from. It was the same look she had stared down countless times before in the feudal era, though usually with the safety of a notched arrow and an over-protective half-demon before her.  _ What is this… Sesshoumaru has never wanted the Jewel of the Four Souls before. Why would he start now? _ She swallowed thickly, her throat suddenly dry. "Y-you can't have this," she stuttered nervously.

"Would it not provide you with the answers you want? Free you from the burden of knowledge?" He glided towards her, moving with an inhuman grace that only reminded her more strongly of how frail she was in comparison to his demonic powers. "The world you know would remain unchanged. You would not have to return to the past, to take up a burden which should never have been yours to bear. You would be safe. And… you would not be alone." His voice was low and soothing, promising her relief and comfort. She almost didn't notice his hand moving towards her neck, or the extension of his slender fingers as they reached for the jar. It was the feather-light touch of his claws against her own hand, however, that caused her grip around the container to tighten and snapped her out of the stupor his lilting words had induced.

"What are you talking about?" she cried shrilly, and his hand froze. "How can you even say that? You  _ know _ I have to complete the jewel!"

He withdrew suddenly, his face becoming stony with displeasure. "And why must that be?" he pronounced angrily. "If you desire to change the fate of this world so greatly, what better method of achieving that goal?"

Kagome inhaled sharply. "You said I was the only one who could purify the jewel.  _ Me. _ Do you really think I could be happy, abandoning my friends in the feudal era and letting Naraku run around doing god knows what with his part of the jewel?" She threw up her hands in despair. "You're the one who told me I can't fight my destiny! Why the sudden change of heart?"

Sesshoumaru chose not to answer her, but the intensity of his glare lessened.

Kagome scowled in response. "Oh, now I get it, it's not really about my happiness at all, huh! Do you even realize how selfish you're being?" Kagome yelled. "You just don't want me to complete the jewel because then you'll be stuck in your human body…  _ permanently… _ " The anger drained out of her words as they spilled from her mouth.  _ Oh _ . "You do want to stay awake, don't you," she added meekly, not needing Sesshoumaru's condescending stare to feel like a fool. For once he wasn't glaring, however; her ill-thought exclamation had not only purged her indignation but also his desire.

"It was a foolish notion, born from the temptation of life. I…" He hesitated momentarily, as if he would be unable to bring himself to speak. Then he stiffened and turned away from her, his pride returning in full force. "This Sesshoumaru had not thought himself to be so weak," he said imperiously. "You are to disregard that request."

"You forgot to add the  _ 'and we shall never speak of this again' _ ," Kagome quipped, approaching him cautiously. He gave her a withering glance, and Kagome sighed uncomfortably. "Hey, it's okay to make mistakes every now and then. It's a part of human nature."

Sesshoumaru frowned. "I am not human," he reminded her none-too-gently.

"Maybe not, but I bet five hundred years of living as one has given you a little bit of perspective. Besides, I made a mistake too," Kagome admitted. "I should have listened to you, but I was too selfish to leave it alone. I wanted to see you, and I guess I just… assumed… you know…" She felt her face turning red beneath his scrutiny and put her hands to her cheeks, pinching them lightly to relieve the pressure and hide her embarrassment. "…thatyou'dwanttoseemetoo," she blurted out quickly, carefully training her eyes on the ground. "I guess you could say I set you up for that fall."

"Hnn," Sesshoumaru said after a moment. "While it is true that you do try my patience, your basic assumption was not in error."

Kagome's head whipped up to stare at Sesshoumaru in shock, but he steadfastly refused to look at her. Still, his almost-declaration of… whatever their strange relationship was had her cowed. There was a faint trace of humour in his bearing, and she shook her head in disbelief. "That's not very Japanese of you, you know," she chided him lightly. "You're not supposed to ever directly admit anything to anyone, it's a little embarrassing."

"When one has lived for as long as myself, one develops a certain tolerance of behaviour and propriety. I am too old and have too little time to behave properly. I shall leave that to your beloved Michifusa," he told her with a hint of amusement as he drifted away from her side.

"Beloved…" Kagome snorted. "Considering he's got a head start on becoming my stepfather after tonight, I better get used to that idea."

"That will not happen," Sesshoumaru answered confidently as he moved through the yard.

"Hey-!" Noticing that he was no longer standing next to her, Kagome jogged to catch up with him. "How can you be so sure of that? It's not like you really have a say in what Michifusa ends up doing, after all." She fell to a walk, keeping pace with Sesshoumaru who had not paused in his languid stroll through the moonlit shrine grounds. "And where are we going anyway?"

"Surely you have noticed the similarities between this Sesshoumaru and his human counterpart," he told her carelessly. "Actions are dictated by personality. Hence I can assure you that my interest in the Sunset Shrine is as great as my disregard for the Higurashi clan that attends to it."

Kagome took his statement in stride. "Did you just insult my mother?" she asked querulously after a moment.

"No. To speak of only your mother in such a manner would be unjust and entirely too limiting," Sesshoumaru deadpanned.

"Some things never change," Kagome mumbled to herself irately. Still, she wasn't really upset. The tension of the earlier evening had been washed away in the cool night air by their conversation, and she was in a good mood. "Well, I guess I earned that one so you're off the hook for now," she told him with a tiny grin. The smile dropped away as she looked up and saw where Sesshoumaru was headed. "Uh, don't you think we should get back now?" she said suddenly, feeling a lump rise in her throat.

Sesshoumaru paused, poised in mid-stride as he regarded Kagome curiously. Then, wordlessly, he resumed his path towards the old well house.

"Uh!" Kagome squeaked, jogging in front of him once again and blocking his way. "There's really nothing interesting in this part of the shrine, just an old storage shed and a dried up well. You'd probably be more interested in seeing—"

"The Bone-Eater's Well," Sesshoumaru said, his eyes narrowing contemplatively. "So it still stands." Before she knew what was happening, he had gracefully stepped around her and had his hand on the doorframe. It slid open half-way before Kagome reached past him and slammed it shut.

"Don't go in there!" Kagome begged him. She was playing over all of the possible horrors of having Inuyasha suddenly pop through the well and come face-to-face with his brother in her mind. None of them ended very well, especially considering the younger Sesshoumaru's 'hand-through-the-gut' trick that he had shown her last week.

Sesshoumaru sighed slightly and raised his hand to his face. He caught himself in the motion of rubbing the bridge of his nose and lowered it quickly, his mouth twisting into an annoyed scowl. "Listen, girl. I do not wish to cause your family the additional trouble or expense of having to rebuild pieces of your shrine. If you do not move, however," he added in warning, cracking his knuckles.

Kagome went pale. "Don't you even joke about that!" she panicked. "You might destroy the well and then I couldn't—" She bit her lip before she could finish the sentence, her eyes wide with fright.  _ No, no, you didn't just give it away, Kagome, you didn't- _

"Ah," Sesshoumaru said finally, tilting his head and scenting the air. "This is your portal. You cannot mask the smell of old magic." He pushed Kagome aside, using more force when she didn't immediately budge at his touch, and entered the tiny structure.

With a helpless sigh, Kagome followed him inside. "I really hope Inuyasha doesn't smell you around here," she said hotly, blinking as her eyes tried to adjust to the sudden darkness. She finally focused on Sesshoumaru's long white hair, using it to anchor herself in the darkness until she could make out the outlines of his body and the lip of the well. After a moment she realized he was leaning on the edge, staring down into its depths. His face had grown distant again, and he could have been a chiselled marble statue; an ethereal spirit of the times long gone, just as ancient as the magical well he was standing guard over. "What are you thinking?" she whispered quietly into the darkness, needing to break the illusion.

"The past," he answered without hesitation. Then, after a moment, "… my freedom."

"You can't go back, you know," Kagome said as she joined him and looked down into the well's inky blackness. The sound of splintering wood was the only indication Kagome had that Sesshoumaru's fingers had tightened.

"Can I not?" he said softly, his eyes glued to the bottom of the well.

She wondered what he saw; if his glowing amber eyes gave him a special night vision that allowed him to see every detail inside, every discarded bone and scuff of dirt and other signs of mundanity that masked the true power of the well. With her own eyes, she could see next to nothing; for all she could tell, the well could have dropped down forever. It only dropped into the past, however; a far cry from eternity. "Maybe you can jump down there. Maybe it will even bring you into the feudal era," Kagome answered quietly. "But it's not deep enough." She groped outwards blindly, searching for his hand. When she finally felt it, she wrapped her own around his and carefully extracted it from the damaged wood.

"It would still carry me far enough to change my own past." Sesshoumaru's hand twitched spasmodically underneath hers. "What if I told you that I wished to kill you right now and take the shard for my own?" he uttered softly.

Kagome kept her hand in place, squeezing her eyes shut. "I would let go of your hand and cry all the way back to my house. Then I would pick up my bow and arrows, come outside again and shoot you."

"You could not harm this Sesshoumaru," he stated, his eyes tearing away from the depths of the well and landing on her.

"And you couldn't kill anyone," Kagome reminded him sadly. "If I thought giving you the shard and setting you free in the Sengoku Jidai would solve my problems, I'd push you down there myself right now," she added with a tired smile. Her hand tightened around his marginally, knowing what he was really looking for. "But you can never go back to who you were."

Sesshoumaru spent a few more moments looking down the well, searching for his stolen past. Then with an almost inaudible sigh, he turned away and led her out of the well house. They moved back towards the Goshinboku, settling themselves under its ancient branches to wait for the rising sun. When his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing hitched unsteadily, Kagome finally released his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The title of this chapter comes from a quote by Camus. The whole thing goes "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."


	9. 08: Her Responsibility

"Kohaku!" Sango's voice rang through the air, torn by grief as she caught the falling form of her younger brother. He shuddered in her arms, his body contorted with pain as the shard embedded into his body was forcibly pulled from his back, which erupted in a fountain of blood.

"Big sister… you're okay…" he managed to mumble weakly as Sango knelt over him, weeping and desperately trying to stem the flow of his blood.

"Kagome! Look out!" With a jolt, Kagome was ripped away from the tragedy unfolding before her and thrown roughly to the ground. There was a sickening squelch and a loud crunch somewhere over her head, and she knew she had just narrowly escaped death.

"Are you alright?" her saviour asked breathlessly, and Kagome gave him a quick nod, hastily blinking away the tears that were clouding her vision. He smiled weakly at her in return, his face waxy and pale.

"I know. I wish I could comfort her as well. But now is not the time! … there is no time left," Miroku gasped, gripping his covered hand with an ugly grimace. He paused as he pushed himself off of her, grabbing her hand and for once not attempting to cop a feel. Instead, he stared at her, his dark eyes boring into her own as if he was willing her to understand his thoughts. "Promise me, Kagome. Promise me you'll tell Sango that I… that I couldn't…" he tried helplessly. Kagome watched his face crumble, for once the words failing the normally verbose monk. "Tell her I'm sorry," he finished hoarsely, grabbing his staff and sprinting away from her.

"Miroku! Wait!" she cried, reaching after him. It was too late; he was already unwinding the beaded ward on his hand and unleashing the fury of the wind tunnel. Kagome watched with horror as she recognized his goal; the tiny, child-like figure that stood to the side of the battle, holding her mirror and watching her approaching destruction as expressionlessly as she viewed everything else. She saw what he was trying to do; she knew Kanna would die, and then Miroku would follow shortly. Kohaku's life would seep out into the earth through Sango's fingers, and Kouga's would be snapped off violently by one of Naraku's disgusting appendages. She  _ knew _ this would happen, she thought she had  _ prepared _ for it, but now that the moment was upon her, Kagome still felt the full force of the pain and greeted every preordained event with surprise and dismay.

_ Not like this! I won't let it happen like this! _ Kagome bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and notched her bow, searching for a target, for anything she could do to slow down or stop destiny from unfolding.  _ I was so stupid, _ she thought angrily, her bow wavering uncertainly over the writhing mass that was Naraku.  _ I thought I could change things. I thought I had more time! _ She could see the jewel shining clearly within his body. Kohaku's last shard was slowly melding into the tiny ball, restoring it to a completed whole. The string of her bow tightened, but she held her shot in check as a blur of white smashed through Naraku's massive body, sending the half-demon's limbs flying away in a disgusting display of efficiency.  _ Sesshoumaru. _ She knew it was him, even though his motions were too quick for her eye to follow. He had appeared for the final showdown with Naraku despite the standing disagreement he had with Inuyasha; apparently some things were still more important on his list of priorities than sibling rivalries.

Saving Kohaku's life, however, was not one of them. Neither was concerning himself with her, or anyone else's safety for that matter. He seemed to be there for one purpose only – to kill Naraku. It made Kagome want to scream with frustration.  _  He could change so much if he only  _ **_knew,_ ** she kept on thinking. Instead, everything was playing out neatly, almost as though it was scripted. They were simply actors in a well-choreographed dance, one that was killing them all.

"Pay attention!" someone yelled roughly.

Kagome blinked and looked up, feeling as though time was slowing down. Her arm quaked unsteadily as she tried to aim her shaking bow towards the mass of darkness that was rushing to meet her from Naraku's body. There was no hesitation on his part this time, no Inuyasha to swoop in and save her.  _ It wasn't in the script for me to die yet! _ she found herself thinking in surprise as the curling mass of limbs lengthened and sharpened into deadly spikes.  _ No, not for  _ **_you_ ** _ to die, _ she answered herself as she heard a roar of anger. Automatically her eyes moved towards the source of the sound instead of remaining focused on her impending death.

Kouga was already running to intercept Naraku, his blue eyes wide and his mouth open as he shouted something to her. She wondered how he could even move, considering the heavy lacerations that covered his legs and torso, coating the lower half of his body in blood. Naraku had been less than gentle when removing Kouga's jewel shards; it was a miracle he could still walk. And yet there he was, slower than even Inuyasha now but still rushing to save 'his woman.'  _ He's going to die! _ Kagome thought with alarm.

"KAGOME!" Inuyasha's roar rose above the rushing in her ears, cutting through the terrible dual vision of seeing Kouga's approaching death and imagining those tentacles bursting through his chest, writhing and tearing him apart from the inside out. She snapped to attention and her fingers released the taunt bow string, the arrow blazing a brilliant streak through the air.

" _ Kagome!" _ was all he had said; Inuyasha's voice, full of worry, anger and desperation. But in the space of one lungful of air, released in an ear-splitting shout, everything had changed. It was something that blindsided Kagome, something she never truly understood until the moment that Inuyasha's furious cry waked the knowledge inside of her. And as the arrow flew out, Kagome realized three things instantaneously.

_ I am not Kikyou.  _  This was the first truth Inuyasha revealed; not only because he knew her name, and not only because Kikyou was actually there, but it was her name he had called out. She knew this because she understood  _ why _ he had shouted her name at that very moment. It was not a concern for her safety; that he worried over her constantly even when they weren't in battle was already a given. His cry had been for  _ Kouga, _ as unbelievable as it sounded. Apparently some things were also more important to Inuyasha than his rivalry with the wolf prince. It was a word that changed everything; he had not called out "Kagome!  _ I'm trying to save you! _ " or "Kagome!  _ Sorry, tough luck! _ " – what he named was the _ definition of herself _ , in a way that perhaps even he would not have understood.  _ "Kagome!" _ he had yelled. " _ That stupid mutt's about to get himself killed! DO SOMETHING! _ " In that moment she knew.

**_I am not Kikyou._ **

Kagome had repeated those four simple, empty words to herself on an almost daily basis for three years, convinced that it was Inuyasha who had made her feel the need to separate her identity from the undead shrine maiden. It was ironic that he was the one who finally gave the words meaning, sealing one of the many wounds that had been left open in her heart for too long.

And so she did as he commanded her, and her arrow flew through the air like a brilliant shooting star. It whipped past a very surprised Kouga, almost purifying away the wolf demon's ear in the process and knocking him unconscious. It was a fine shot, precise and calculating, something that would have made her archery instructor proud had she believed in time travel and epic demonic battles. More impressive, however, was the spiritual power that sizzled through the shot. This was due to Kagome's second realization.

**_I don't need to surpass Kikyou._ ** It was a natural conclusion to her first observation; she had always felt she was in some sort of unspoken competition with Kikyou, always vying to prove her differences with the other girl on every level. Who was the better archer, who had the greater spiritual power, who loved Inuyasha more. Suddenly, the comparisons seemed cheap and pointless. Kikyou was a better shot and had trained her holy powers for years. In terms of skill and ability, there simply was no question of who the better priestess was. But it wasn't Kikyou's name Inuyasha had called, and it wasn't Kikyou who could or would save Kouga's life in a battle.

This lead directly to Kagome's realization of the third truth, which brought something akin to relief to her bleeding heart of three years.  **_Inuyasha believes in me._ ** Suddenly, it didn't matter who he wanted to be with. No matter who he decided to give himself to in the end, she knew with certainty that he loved her in his own fumbling, crude way. She was Kagome, the girl from the future with the temper from hell, the bad aim and the face of his former girlfriend, and  _ he loved her anyway. _ Even if she couldn't have him, knowing that they shared that bond brought warmth and confidence to her heart. It was reflected in the purity of her arrow, which blazed with a power and control she had never been able to exert before.

It streaked through the air, burning through the morass of blackness that was racing towards both her and Kouga. It flew into the heart of the darkness and wrought a piercing scream from Naraku, smashing through him cleanly. And as it drove through his chest, it radiated a spiritual power so pure that it turned the completed jewel a brilliant shade of pink. Unfortunately for the half-demon, the Jewel of the Four Souls was still in his body as it began to resonate in harmony with Kagome's spiritual arrow. With a painful snarl, his flesh contracted and he expelled the now-poisonous jewel from his heart. It shot away from him and bounced across the ground, rolling to a stop at Kagome's feet.

There was a figurative moment of silence as everyone realized what had happened.  _ You are the only one who can purify the jewel, _ Sesshoumaru had said. It lay on the ground before her, winking innocently, yet another prophecy completed in a way Kagome had not actually expected. The moment expired as Kagome recovered and bent over, scooping up the pink jewel into the safety of her hands. Naraku's angry howl was still ringing through the air, barely discernable over the roar of Miroku's opened air-rip.

"Finally!" she heard Inuyasha snarl as he prepared his sword to launch another attack.  _ Naraku won't be able to regenerate like before without the jewel, _ Kagome realized as she watched evil half-demon's face contort with surprise and anger. Another voice split through the tumult, halting Inuyasha's swing before he could complete it.

"Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru materialized in the air across from his half-brother, holding his own sword out confidently. It was vaguely unfair, Kagome noted, that despite the amount of damage he had done, his robes and hair remained a pristine shade of glowing white. "We must attack as one." He paused and gave his half-brother a disparaging stare. "Understand that this shall be the only time we ever collaborate," he added curtly.

"Heh," Inuyasha answered, his ears flattening on his head as a wry smile crossed his face. "Just try to keep up, you bastard!" he growled, launching himself towards Naraku.

_ This was meant to be, _ Kagome realized faintly as the two brothers' combined strike created a brilliant nova of light. The attack was terrible and destructive, and yet the burning light was a sight of beauty, cleansing away the wounds that Naraku had inflicted as it physically disintegrated his body. The power unleashed from the blast froze her in place and Kagome was hard pressed to remain standing as she brought her arms protectively in front of her face. When the stinging winds surrounding her began to dissipate, she cracked open her eyes. What she saw made her gasp in dismay. The energy from the impressive attack left a bright residual glare over Naraku's former body. Even as it faded away, however, Kagome spotted the tiny blot of darkness that was rising above the brilliant glow of the attack.  _ That… that's Naraku's heart! _ "He's getting away!" she cried out, reaching for another arrow. Then the air above them exploded in a sudden, silent burst of light.

"Ki…kyou…!"

Naraku's pitiful, strangled cry faded away with the purifying light, the last remnants of his body finally burning to ash. Blinking, Kagome craned her neck towards the source of the blast and saw the undead priestess standing there, her arm still outstretched, bow in hand.

"Naraku is finally dead," Kikyou announced, her unblinking stare remaining fixed in the air as she slowly lowered her bow. The howling of the wind died away and an unexpected, surprised silence settled over the survivors.

For Kagome, Kikyou's pronouncement was like a temple bell ringing through a courtyard.  _ Naraku is dead. The Jewel of the Four Souls is restored. It's finally over… everything is over. _ Gradually, she became aware of the sound of Sango's grief. Her friend's soft sobs broke the stillness of the aftermath, and another memory washed over her.

" _ This act destroys your friends completely." _

Kagome slowly opened her hand and looked at the tiny, glowing jewel she held. Whole, purified, and lying in her palm, it looked almost beautiful.  _ Almost. _ No matter how bright or pure or beautiful it seemed, Kagome knew the jewel would always be tainted with the stain of blood. It was a physical reminder of all the things that she, and so many others, had lost in its pursuit; their happiness, their lives, and always, their dreams. "I still hate you," she said to it softly.

" _ You cannot change the past." _

Sesshoumaru was right; even as Inuyasha and Kikyou approached her, she felt the chains of fate wrapping around her. Everything was happening as he had said, despite her best attempts to change things. They squeezed around her chest, causing her heart to catch painfully and her breathing to become laboured. "Our fates really are pre-determined," she mumbled to herself as her hand clenched around the jewel tightly. All that was left was for her to hand it over to Inuyasha. And she knew what he was feeling, and couldn't find it in her heart to be upset at him. Inuyasha, she understood, no longer wanted to be a full demon, nor did he want to be a normal human. The only thing he would want would be what he always strove for – to ease the suffering of others.

Kikyou was the first to reach her, the smooth, angular lines of her pale face radiating her cold beauty.  _ So empty, _ Kagome thought with sadness.  _ If only things had been different… _ She realized, looking at Kikyou's melancholy features, that Inuyasha would want to help his former incarnation, to fill some part of the emptiness within her with something more than hatred. She also understood that Inuyasha would never make that wish for Kikyou himself. Kagome looked at the jewel in her palm and saw herself depositing it into Inuyasha's hands. She knew exactly how his ears would swivel nervously, his mouth taunt, twisted with both sadness and hope as he pressed the jewel into Kikyou's waiting fingers. Kagome understood Inuyasha was hoping that Kikyou would wish for life; just as she understood Kikyou, even filled with hatred and regret as she was, would never shirk her duty to the jewel for such a selfish wish. Inuyasha's naiveness would have almost been cute, if it was not so heartbreaking.

"Kagome," she heard Inuyasha say as he approached her, his bright eyes serious, twisting his youthful features into a maturity that looked out of place on the half-demon. "What're you gonna do with the jewel now?"

_ I can't fool myself any longer. I can't fight destiny.  _ "Inuyasha… the jewel…" she murmured, folding her fingers over the cursed ball and squeezing it tightly. She was a puppet caught up in some greater artist's strings and she was tired of fighting a useless battle. Slowly her arm extended towards him and her eyes squeezed shut.

" _ What was wished for is done, and cannot be undone." _

Kagome felt it was a solemn moment that should have happened in complete silence. It was a momentous event, after all; she had filled her role, played her part well, and it was all culminating to this final point. The moment was not quiet enough, however. Something buzzed at her ears, tickling at her consciousness. Kagome felt her eyebrows draw together as she tried to identify the irritation in the seamless tapestry destiny was weaving. There was the soft sound of Sango's weeping, punctuated by her brother's dying gasps; Naraku hadn't even blessed Kohaku with a swift death. But no… that was not what disturbed her; there was something else out of place, something which should not have been there. The sound of metal ringing against metal. Kagome's eyes shot open.

_ It can't be. This—this means— _

The jangle of Miroku's staff sounded again. Miroku, who was limping slowly towards Sango, his own eyes suspiciously watery. Miroku, who should have been dead. His face was lined, and there was a new tuft of white in the hair springing out of his forehead that hadn't been there before, but it was definitely him. His hand was cradled against his chest, free of the protective wards that usually covered it, but as he managed to collapse by Sango's side, he looked anything but happy.

Kagome couldn't care less. He was  _ alive. _ She sought out Kouga next, and her heart skipped a beat. He was sprawled over the ground, motionless, and there was a terrible red burn across his cheek where she had grazed him with her holy arrow. For a heart-stopping moment she believed he was dead, but then she saw the gentle rise of his chest.  _ He's alive too _ , she thought, joy suddenly spearing through her. It was short-lived as she saw his chest hitch again, and she realized that despite her efforts, the wolf-prince didn't have much longer to live.

_ But he's not dead yet... and Miroku is still here! Sesshoumaru… you were wrong. _

The thread snapped, and Kagome drew the jewel back towards her chest. "There is no past, and no future. There's only the present," she whispered softly to herself. Her words brought a brief, humourless smile to Kikyou's lips and a look of confusion on Inuyasha's face.

"What're you going on about now?" he grumbled, scratching his head as he sheathed his rusty katana.

Kagome held the jewel against her heart as a small smile played across her face. "I'm going to change things," she said decisively.

Inuyasha stared at her for a moment, his eyes wide with surprise. Then he gave her a lop-sided grin. "Feh. I guess you earned it," he admitted grudgingly. The trust he openly placed in her decision filled her with warmth and gratitude. It faded quickly under the weight of another stare, and Kagome turned to face it unwillingly.

As usual, Kikyou's face gave away nothing. Her steady, unblinking gaze unnerved Kagome, however, and she had the distinct feeling that the older girl disapproved of her choice. For a moment, Kagome was afraid Kikyou was going to openly scold her and demand the jewel for herself. To her relief, however, the priestess didn't say anything; she simply waited expectantly for Kagome declare her wish.

"Can you hang onto that wish for a little while longer, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked with a touch of impatience. "I gotta see about that mutt and the bastard," he added with exasperation. Though his face was drawn into a deep scowl, Kagome could tell Inuyasha was worried. His ears twitched back periodically in Kouga's direction, and he still held himself tensely, glancing uneasily from time to time in Sesshoumaru's direction.

"Go ahead!" Kagome answered quickly, scrambling to her feet. "There's… something that happens in my future, and I have to come up with a way to fix it. I don't want to mess it up, though, so I'm not going to wish for anything just yet," she added truthfully.

Inuyasha gave her a quick nod, and turned to leap away. He paused, looking back over his shoulder. "Oy!" he barked. "You did good," he told her gruffly, his eyes softening. They flickered to Kikyou's face, and his expression faltered slightly. "You too," he mumbled in a much more subdued tone. Quickly, he leapt away from the two girls before they could reply.

"You're welcome," Kagome replied with a tiny smile as she watched him land by Kouga's side.  _ That two-timer never changes, _ she thought to herself with a small giggle. With some surprise, she realized she wasn't upset with him. She glanced over at Kikyou, whose eyes were also trained on Inuyasha's back.  _ I guess… I understand now. _

"Kagome." As if she could sense her stare, Kikyou turned her head slightly and focused her half-lidded gaze on Kagome. The older girl studied her silently before speaking. "About your decision…" she began.

_ Here it comes, _ thought Kagome.  _ Here's where she tells me I'm not ready to shoulder the burden of the jewel and asks me to hand it over. _

Instead, Kikyou only parted her lips slightly, her breath escaping in a soft sigh. "You must be absolutely sure of what you want." She tilted her head; it was a movement so slight, but so human, that Kagome suddenly wondered if Kikyou had ever felt the same confusion over her identity as she did. She wished she could have asked what conclusion the other girl came to; the time wasn't right, though. The time never would be right; conversations with Kikyou were anything but easy.

"Once I believed that I was strong enough to protect the jewel," Kikyou said quietly, her eyes closing. "I thought I had a pure love, and that Inuyasha and I could share a pure wish. It is Naraku who had to teach us both of our selfishness by corrupting that purity." She opened her eyes and levelled a pointed stare at Kagome. "Think carefully of the consequences of your actions. The Jewel of the Four Souls can and will pervert anything but the most pure of wishes."

Kagome felt a brief flair of indignation.  _ Does she think I won't make a pure wish? _ she thought angrily, opening her mouth to answer Kikyou's warning. A stray thought stayed her objection.

" _ If you stir up the waters of time, they will become muddy." _

_ Sesshoumaru's warning… _ Kagome didn't understand why she was thinking of it now. She had proven him wrong, hadn't she? Now was her chance to save him and all of the other demons in the world, and she wasn't going to let anyone stop her from taking it; not Kikyou, and certainly not Sesshoumaru's phantom warnings. Her eyes darted over the battlefield, seeking out his presence to reassure herself of her decision. It wasn't hard to find him; he was so white he practically glowed against the backdrop of the dark forest. She spotted him, standing near the edge of a copse of trees, watching their small group disinterestedly.  _ He looks so… cold, _ Kagome thought to herself with surprise, unable to draw any comfort from his frigid, tall figure. His glare had been focused on Inuyasha up to that moment, but his eyes suddenly snapped to hers, as if he could sense her attention and parry it.

His cutting amber gaze caused the full impact of Kikyou's warning to strike home, thudding into her heart with the force of one of her purifying arrows.  _ That's not him, _ Kagome reminded herself with an uncomfortable shiver.  _ That's not the Sesshoumaru I know. _ The weight of Kikyou's knowing look was suddenly unbearable, and turned away from the priestess and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to see Kikyou's pity or the true Sesshoumaru anymore, and was grateful as she heard the priestess turn and walk away, leaving her alone with her internal struggle.

_ I thought… I thought I wanted to save the demons of the world. I thought that would be an unselfish wish. _ As she looked at the younger, crueller Sesshoumaru, however, she suddenly understood her real motivation.  _ I want to save him. I want to save my friend, the demon trapped in the future. _

" _ There are consequences to each action we take…" _

"I can't," she whispered as she felt something crack inside of her.  _ He'll never be my friend if I save him. That Sesshoumaru will cease to exist if I make a selfish wish. We'll be separated, just like Inuyasha and Kikyou were torn apart. _

"It's an unselfish wish," Kagome repeated out loud, her voice trembling. "It's not like he'd mind. I'd be doing him a favour, after all," she rambled on reasonably. "I don't understand why I'm making such a big deal of it!" she added indignantly. "That Michifusa is such a jerk…" A sob caught in her throat. "Who'd want him around, anyway?" she mumbled, her voice growing softer with every word.

_ You would, Kagome. _

"But I love Inuyasha!" she told herself fiercely, clutching the jewel to her chest. "Sesshoumaru is… he's…"

_ He's important to me. _

Kagome's sobs stilled and she listened to the beating of her heart.  _ It's… it's not what I feel for Inuyasha, but… I don't want to let him go. I don't want to say goodbye to that person I know. _ She knew he wouldn't want to leave, either, despite the torture that was his modern life. A fragile silence in the quiet moonlight, the soft warmth of his hand in hers; those things told her more than his expressionless face, broke through the barriers of pride that would always hold his tongue in check. She opened one eye and glanced over her shoulder. Sesshoumaru,  _ this _ Sesshoumaru, was still staring at her unnervingly, his features bordering on indifference to annoyance. She realized he was waiting for her to make a wish; most likely he wanted see if he would have to kill her or anyone else if she made it a bad one. There was no affection in his gaze, no friendship he was offering; this Sesshoumaru was a stranger to her.

_ I thought revelations about guys were supposed to be accompanied by bright lights and choirs of angels _ , Kagome thought ruefully. Falling in love with Inuyasha had been much that way, with his dashing rescues and unexpected moments of sensitivity. It wasn't until Kikyou was resurrected that her love had become a burden that dragged her into the ground rather than airy clouds that lifted her into the skies. This time Naraku's implosion provided the bright light and Sango's tears carried the melody of her heart. It was only fitting under those conditions that her realization was painful right from the start. She wanted to break down into tears and scream at the same time at the unfairness of it all; something that Inuyasha definitely would not have understood, considering that they had just defeated their arch-nemesis of three years. Somehow, though she had been able to break free of the linear destiny that had been painted for her, the reality of her choices were anything but liberating.  _ Save Sesshoumaru and lose him, or allow the demons of the future to die and keep him? It doesn't matter what I choose. In the end, we won the battle but I still lost the war. _

"Kohaku," she heard Sango whisper softly. Kagome blinked and looked at her companions.  _ No… we didn't win the battle, either, _ she realized faintly.

"He doesn't look so good." Shippou, now, crouched with Inuyasha over Kouga's body. "Maybe we should take him to Kaede…"

"It's too late for that," Inuyasha answered, his face grim.

"Sango," Miroku was saying. "You have to let him go. We can't do anything for him anymore."

And through it all, Sesshoumaru's eyes on her, watching, waiting, cruel and calculating.

Kagome opened her palm and looked at the jewel, feeling physically ill. "Someone…" she whispered desperately. There was silence in the air, but the turbulence in Kagome's heart was louder than any physical sound.  _ I'm drowning, _ she realized, feeling the icy grip of claws around her heart. Her vision blurred, and she felt like she was sinking into a deep, dark ocean.  _ I'm drowning in the past. _ "Please… anyone… help me..." she cried softly, gasping for air.

A hand reached out and caught Kagome. It pulled her out of the black waters of despair, drawing her back into herself. As the spots faded from her vision and her panic died out, she realized the hand was still on her shoulder, and she looked up to see her saviour.

"You understand." Kikyou's face softened ever so slightly, and her fingers tightened. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes heavy with sympathy.

Kagome blinked away her tears and covered Kikyou's hand with her own.  _ A pure wish. A wish that doesn't stem from my own selfish desires.  _  Kikyou already knew that every moment of true purity came at a great price; the cure always seemed worse than the disease. She realized Kikyou was still trying to give her the chance, to free her of the jewel's curse and take it upon herself.  _ It would be the easiest way _ , she thought tiredly. _ No worrying about what I might do to the future… and Sesshoumaru, he would stay. _ She allowed herself to dream for a moment, already knowing what her answer would be.

Gently, Kagome removed Kikyou's hand and clasped the jewel loosely between her own. "This cursed jewel causes nothing but pain," she said softly.  _  I understand what Kikyou wanted to do, but I can't let her take this. And I won't make her mistake. I have to, for… _ She looked up at Sesshoumaru, who was still watching her interestedly.  _  For… the future. _

Kagome closed her eyes and made her wish.

As she felt the jewel break apart in her hands, one thought remained for a future that never existed.

_ I never got the chance to say goodbye. _


	10. 09: The Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive,  
> and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.   
> \- Anais Nin

_ Thwack! _

Kagome lowered her bow and peered at the target. She blew a miserable sigh at the tail end of her arrow, which was quivering rebelliously on the outer edge of the secondary red ring.

"Honey, you're not concentrating," her mother scolded her.

"I know, Mama, I know!" Kagome replied, grimacing and pointing her bow at the target again. For some reason, she was having trouble concentrating on her daily practice. Notching her arrow, she aimed carefully and waited for the lull between heartbeats.

_ Thwack!  _ The arrow quivered to a stop in the upper half of the central yellow ring.

"Much better," Mrs. Higurashi said approvingly. "Honestly, Kagome. If you hadn't fallen down that well three years ago, I don't think you'd have ever taken my lessons seriously."

Kagome sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "I just… didn't want to accept being a priestess," she told her mother honestly. "I thought you were pushing a little too hard. I was kind of hoping to go to college and stuff instead."

Mrs. Higurashi sighed slightly and folded up her bow, packing it away carefully. "Honey… I'm sorry. I wish things didn't have to be this way, really, I do. But the Higurashi family has a responsibility-"

"I know, I know!" Kagome answered quickly, waving an appeasing hand at her mother. "I'm not saying I regret it. We have a responsibility to maintain the Sunset Shrine and protect the Five. We must continue to uphold the treaty forged five hundred years ago that united Japan, and conduct ourselves with dignity and responsibility as representatives of the human race," she recited obediently. She didn't add what her mother hadn't yet realized –  _ I forged that treaty myself. _ She let out another heavy sigh and rolled her shoulders stiffly in the bulky archery costume she was wearing. "As soon as I take over the shrine, these sleeves are going," she muttered to herself irately.

"I heard that!" Mrs. Higurashi said sternly. "Kagome, you know it's very important to uphold our sacred traditions. I haven't been teaching you the duties of a shrine maiden for the past three years just so you could make a fashion statement when you take over!"

Kagome rolled her eyes at her mother and joined her, as the two women began to pack up their bows. "So? You're going to put off your own retirement just because I don't like long sleeves?" she teased.

Mrs. Higurashi put her hands on her hips and eyed her daughter critically. "Your grandfather is going to have a heart attack when he hears the things you've been saying," she said sternly.

"So don't tell him!" Kagome answered. She met her mother's glare and the two women stared at each other for a few seconds more. Then, they both burst out into loud laughter.

When they finally managed to recover, Mrs. Higurashi looked at her daughter with a proud smile. "You'll make a wonderful priestess, honey. Call it a mother's intuition," she said lightly, drawing her daughter into a warm hug.

Kagome smiled and nestled her face into her mother's robes.  _ It wasn't always like this, _ she recalled faintly.  _ We didn't always understand each other so well. _ Fuzzy memories tickled at her mind; the shifting of time, a parallel vision. Once, she had learned archery from a teacher, not her mother. Once, the Sunset Shrine had not been famous, and her mother had not been a shrine maiden. Once, she had not worn the necklace of the Five and there had been no name etched into her fibreglass bow.  _ I'll have to read my journal again tonight, _ Kagome thought hazily as she freed herself from her mother's arms.

"I'm going to take a break, Mama," she said, gathering her things together. "I want to be presentable when he shows up for the ceremony."

"That's a good idea," Mrs. Higurashi said. She smiled hesitantly. "Don't be afraid, Kagome. He's an honourable demon. He was… there for us, when your father died. You probably don't remember him," she said softly. "But he's a good person."

Kagome's smile wavered slightly and she knew her mother took it as a sign of nervousness. It was just as well; she didn't know how she could explain that she did remember him. Of all the things she remembered, he was the constant; her other memories were fuzzy, but her recollection of him was laced with a sharp pain. "I'll be fine, Mama," she said softly, leaving the archery range and making her way back towards the house.

As she climbed the steps and slid open the door, Kagome let herself fall into her memories. She paused and almost tripped as a small, furry figure wound itself around her legs. "Oh, you," she sighed, picking up her cat and holding it up to her eye level. "Kirara, you know when I'm distracted. Stop trying to trip me, please." She paused as the tiny, two-tailed cat yawned lazily, letting her know exactly what she thought of Kagome's command. "Come on, I'm serious," Kagome said, pouting. "Please… can you get me my journal? There's something I need to remember…"

Kirara let out a tiny mewl of agreement and licked Kagome's hand. She released the cat and followed her up the stairs to her room, sighing wearily. It was exhausting, trying to come to terms with her dual memory. Day by day, its pieces were fading; somehow, her self, her other self, must have known it would happen and had taken the time to write down her most important memories in the back of her old history notebook. She knew they were important, but they were fading away into a hazy mist, like a dream that was slowly being forgotten. The memories were real, however; the pull of her heart as she tried to remember was too strong to ignore.

A tiny mew brought her attention to Kirara, who was holding the tattered journal in her mouth. Flinging herself onto the bed, she patted the pillow beside her and allowed the fire cat to snuggle up beside her. "Lazy," she teased, scratching Kirara behind the ears. Her vision blurred, and for a moment she saw a much larger, fatter, ordinary cat lying by her side instead. She blinked, and the image was gone.

"Ugh," Kagome groaned, flipping open the notebook and scanning through her hasty scrawl. The mist rolled back slightly as she deciphered her messy shorthand, remembering what had once been her home. Every day it was a little less, and Kagome knew one day she would open the journal and no longer understand the words that she had written there. The feelings would never leave, however, even if her understanding of their source did. She leaned her head back and wondered if that was how Sesshoumaru must had felt in his brief moments of clarity in the modern world.

There were bits and pieces she clearly remembered, things that hadn't changed at all. Souta and his video games, Grandpa and his ridiculous stories and trinkets. And then there were some things that had changed completely; Kagome couldn't imagine a world where shrine maidens weren't considered a serious, full-time career; where demons were legends of the past and not living members of the present. She could remember when she was not a priestess, just an ordinary schoolgirl who had chased a fat cat down a well and ended up in another time. Those memories were sandwiched between her real memories, fighting a losing battle to come to the surface. Souta hadn't asked her to fetch Buyo on that fateful day; she had chased a petulant Kirara into the well house. But the centipede demon… it was still there, the same in both memories, as was Inuyasha and her adventures in the Sengoku Jidai. It made her head ache.

Once, her mother had not been a priestess; still, she retained her kind personality. Once, her father had succumbed to a terrible illness instead of defending the shrine's treasure from thieves; the pain of losing him, however, remained the same in both realities. The false memories left behind emotions that were imprinted on her mind indelibly, a watermark on the delicate weave of her memory.

"Today's my twentieth birthday, Kirara," Kagome said absently, closing her eyes. "It's time for me to do my official duty and take over around here," she murmured, still a little bit scared at the prospect. The protector of the Sunset Shrine was the most prestigious religious title in all of Japan; it honoured the birth of the fragile armistice between humans and demons. And as such, the ever-youthful Lord of the Demons would be coming to celebrate the passing of the shrine into the hands of a new keeper and renew the five-century-old treaty with her. Her hand reached to her neck, and Kagome pulled out the ancient necklace that was the living symbol of that treaty. Five perfectly-sized fragments of the Jewel of the Four Souls glinted at her, each firmly set into their silvery inlay. Kagome smiled sadly as she counted the jewels, each fragment carrying with it the story of a life she once knew. To her, it was still tainted, but knowing the purpose they had served made the weight around her neck easier to bear. Slowly, Kagome let her eyes flutter shut and drifted off into an uneasy nap, losing herself in her memories of the past.

**\- x – x – x -**

Kagome felt her heart mirror the cracks of the jewel as it shattered in her hands. When she opened her eyes, she saw Kikyou looking at her with a faint expression of horror.

"What… what have you done?" she whispered, staring at the fragments in Kagome's palms. There, ten perfect, symmetrical shards lay, innocently winking in the light. Kikyou's eyes met Kagome's own. "What did you wish for?" she demanded, her mouth drawing into a thin line.

"I wished for life," Kagome said, ignoring the older girl and springing to her feet.

"Wait!" Kikyou called, her eyes flashing as she reached out for Kagome, who ignored her.

"I hope I'm not too late…" she gasped as she sprinted towards Miroku and Sango and collapsed at their side. Sango was still bowed over the body of her brother, crying softly.

"Kagome…" Miroku said tiredly, his arms resting on Sango's shoulders. His eyes widened in surprise as Kagome brusquely pushed Sango off of her brother and flipped the young boy over.

"No! Don't you touch him!" Sango cried, trying to take her brother's body back into her arms. She struggled against Miroku as he realized what was happening and held her back. "Monk, let go of me-" Sango warned, but she fell silent as Kagome dropped one of the shards into the wound in Kohaku's back.

"I don't know if it's enough," she explained softly, her fingers reaching for Kohaku's neck to feel for a pulse. She let out a sigh of relief as the tiny shard was pulled into the wound, which was already beginning to seal around it. Looking up, she saw Sango's eyes widen with disbelief and then gratitude as Kohaku began to stir weakly, coughing and spitting up blood. He had lost too much blood to be healthy, but the power of the jewel was staying death's hand once again. There was no time for her to care for him, though, so she turned to her friend for support. "Miroku, take care of things here," she begged quickly, leaving the stunned monk with the siblings to make her way towards Inuyasha.

As she brushed by Kikyou, the priestess caught her arm. "What are you doing?" she asked softly. "You are giving them a false hope…"

Kagome's teeth clenched together and she glared at Kikyou. "I don't have a lot of time. I have to get to Kouga before he dies. But…" she trailed off, looking at the remaining fragments in her hand. "I know you want to die, Kikyou," she said quietly. "I… wished you would, too, sometimes." She looked up, meeting the priestess' gaze without flinching. "But things change. There's no reason for us to fight anymore."

Kikyou drew back slightly, her features smoothing out. "Inuyasha…" she answered.

"Inuyasha needs you just as much as he needs me," Kagome said cuttingly. "I don't think you understand… your desire to die, that would have been a selfish wish too." She looked up at the undead priestess, whose face was mildly shocked. "I'm from the future, Kikyou. I've seen what your wish would have done to this world." Reaching out, she grabbed Kikyou's hand and turned it upwards.

"I…" Kikyou began, her eyes lowering to their joined hands. "It seems I failed at many things," she said quietly. She stared in surprise at the shard that Kagome pressed into her palm.

"Then don't fail at living anymore," Kagome chided the older girl softly. "Use this to sustain yourself. Stop stealing other peoples' souls. Make your own instead, and fill it with something other than sadness." She closed the other girl's hand around the shard. "You're not a failure, Kikyou. All you need to do is be brave enough to prove it."

"Oy!" Inuyasha's loud voice broke the two women apart. "Kagome, the mutt's calling for you!" His voice was tinged with a faint note of desperation, and Kagome knew she was running out of time. She broke away from the priestess, giving Kikyou's hand a final squeeze.

"It's all I can do. Please, live." With a small smile, she left a surprised Kikyou's side and rushed towards Kouga's bloody body. As she attended to the wolf prince, returning a shard to each of his legs, she felt, then heard Inuyasha's surprise.

"Kagome? What are you doing? Are those— oh, hell, they are. What happened?" His ears swivelled back and forth with agitation as the synapses in his head slowly fired his thoughts into comprehension. "What the fuck!" he yelled, leaping to his feet. "You split the jewel! Again!" he roared, grabbing his head. "What are we gonna do about it now?"

Kagome looked up, feeling her eyebrow twitch. "Inuyasha, Kouga's still hurt. Can you try to keep it down please?" she asked sweetly.

"When the hell did you start caring about that mutt?" he yelled even more loudly, his eyes bulging.

"SIT!" When the dust settled, Kagome patted the top of Inuyasha's head fondly, tweaking his ears. "Come on, admit it, even you don't want Kouga to die," she teased. "Besides, I still need a way to get home," she added, looking at the remaining six fragments in her hand.

Shippou climbed onto her shoulder, eyeing the sparkling jewels curiously. "Wow," he said, his green eyes growing wide with anticipation. "Can I have one of them, Kagome? Pleeease?" he asked her eagerly.

Inuyasha's head slowly lifted out of the crater it had formed in the ground, and he glared at the small fox irately. "Do you see what I mean?" he grumbled, sitting up slowly and cracking his neck. "It's already started all over again."

"Hey!" Shippou yelled, his eyes watering angrily. "I only wanted one to protect myself from you when Kagome's not here!" he growled, fisting his small paws together and shaking them at the half-demon.

"Like a shard would help you against me, runt," Inuyasha answered with a sneer. He reached out and clopped the small fox on the head, which elicited an angry squeak from Shippou.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Break it up, you two," she said loudly. "And no, Shippou, you can't have a shard. You know what they do to demons," she scolded him firmly.

"Aww," Shippou said, pouting cutely, his tiny fangs poking into his lower lip, which was thrust out. It made Kagome want to scoop the small child into her arms and hug him. I _ 'm so glad he's not going to change, _ she found herself thinking with relief as she acted on her impulse. After a moment Shippou squirmed out of her reach and ran away, giggling, to check on Miroku and Sango.

"Kagome." Inuyasha turned to face her, his face solemn. "We're lucky it's just Shippou right now. The little brat knows better than to take a shard. But… you know I'm right," he told her. "What're we gonna do about them?"

Kagome looked down at her hand and considered Inuyasha's worries.  _ He's right, _ she thought sadly.  _ As long as the fragments have power, demons will continue to come after them. _ She suddenly felt guilty; Inuyasha had asked her what  _ they _ were going to do about the shards. It was her wish that split the jewel; she was the one who would be forcing their lives to remain tied to its safety.  _ Why didn't I think of that before? _ she chided herself sadly.

"I need to think," she answered out loud, trying to find a solution to the problems in her hand.  _ What would Sesshoumaru tell me right now? _ She thought about him, her Sesshoumaru from the future, and felt another tiny stab of pain.  _ Did I do the right thing? _ she wanted to ask him, knowing he would have given her sound advice. She blinked and looked up, searching the trees. The demon lord was still there, watching them carefully. He didn't look very impressed with her decision, but Kagome sucked in her breath and stood up.  _ There's only one way to find out. _ "Lord Sesshoumaru!" she yelled, stepping towards him.

"Oh HELL no!" Inuyasha immediately replied, springing to his feet. The magic rosary stopped the rest of his sentence before he could complete it, and Kagome continued to advance on his demonic brother.

"Girl." Sesshoumaru looked down at her, his eyes hard and cold. They strayed to the hand that was holding the shards. "You did a foolish thing."

"I know," Kagome said, a small smile playing across her face. "Yes, that's something he would have said," she added quietly.

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow raised fractionally, but his expression remained bored. He offered nothing, waiting for her to declare herself, and Kagome realized suddenly how  _ young _ he seemed.

_ He's centuries old, and I still have the jump on him, _ she thought to herself with a dry chuckle.  _ I guess it's time to break out my white golfing shoes. _ She cleared her throat and decided to do her best to pay back Sesshoumaru and Michifusa for everything they had taught her in her own lost time. It seemed like an appropriate eulogy for the two men.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, do you know what the Jewel of the Four Souls is?" she asked him quietly.

"Was," he corrected her with a sneer. "It was a worthless bauble sought by lesser demons who were not confident in their own powers," he answered her. "Now it is several worthless baubles which will be sought by several even more worthless demons, who will then plague both my land and you humans," he finished scathingly.

Kagome felt her eyebrow twitch and took a deep, calming breath. "That's not what I meant," she said gently, working to keeping her tone neutral. "I meant why it's called the Jewel of the Four Souls," she explained.

"I do not know, nor do I care," Sesshoumaru answered, his voice deepening into an annoyed growl. "Make your point, girl, and you may yet live."

Kagome refused to back down, opening her eyes and meeting his glare fearlessly. "It's important that you understand, Sesshoumaru! If there's only one thing I ever say that you actually listen to, just let it be this. Please," she pleaded, her voice wavering slightly.  _ Don't make it so difficult… please don't take away my goodbye, _ she wanted to say, knowing that he wouldn't understand. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes, but was too scared to blink them away, lest she lose Sesshoumaru's attention.

If anything, his brows drew together slightly, as if he was angry. She realized belatedly she had forgotten to address him formally, something no doubt that this Sesshoumaru considered an insult. But he said nothing, only nodded at her curtly, waiting for her to continue.

Sucking in a deep breath, Kagome gave him a shaky smile. "The jewel is named after the four precepts of purity. Courage, friendship, wisdom and … love," she said, stumbling over the last. "Only the people who have these four things in balance can keep the jewel pure and resist its temptations."

Sesshoumaru stared at her blankly, and Kagome sighed. Reaching for the empty jar around her neck, she dropped a single shard into it. Then she held out her hands, offering the five remaining fragments to Sesshoumaru. That brought out a reaction; his face descended into a dark scowl.

"This Sesshoumaru has no need of such pathetic trinkets," he spat. "Do you think to insult me?"

"No!" Kagome replied furiously, fed up with his pride and ego.  _ He really needs to grow up, _ she thought angrily, closing her eyes and trying to control her temper. "I'm actually trying to compliment you,"  _ … you big jerk, _ she added silently, cracking her eyes open with effort. "Please… take these shards, and protect them from falling into the hands of lesser demons." She offered him the shards once more.

Sesshoumaru's scowl smoothly blended back into his impassive expression, but his eyes held a hint of curiosity. "Tell me, girl," he said suddenly. "I have attempted to kill you before. There is a strong possibility that I will do so again," he added, not even flinching as Inuyasha called out a few choice curses from behind them and promptly kissed the earth once more at Kagome's request. "Is my idiot half-brother's stupidity catching?" he asked her with boredom.

"If you take these fragments into your hand," Kagome answered calmly, "you might understand. And if you don't, I'd be more than happy to explain it to you," she added snidely. Kagome resisted the urge to smirk; it was done, she had indirectly questioned both his courage and his intelligence. His pride would allow him no other choice but to take the jewel fragments now. That, or kill her. She swallowed nervously and put her faith in his reasoning capacities.

For several excruciatingly long moments, he seemed to be considering several different ways to flay her, and Kagome felt cold droplets of sweat trickling down her back. In the end, however, he stretched out his hand slowly, and she let out a mental sigh of relief and tried not to collapse into a quivering heap in front of him. Composing herself, she straightened her back and held out her own hand, dropping the remaining five fragments into his palm. "Yes," she whispered happily as the shards touched his skin. They remained softly glowing and pink, untainted despite his demonic nature.

Sesshoumaru looked at the jewel fragments contemplatively. Then he looked at Kagome. "You knew this would happen, human?" he asked her.

Kagome gave him a small nod and a tiny smile as a small blossom of happiness spread in her heart. Even though she knew she would never see Michifusa or her Sesshoumaru again, they were still there, in some way, contained in the cruel demon before her, waiting to be born. "It's because you have the balance of the four souls," she said confidently. "Even if you don't know it yourself yet." Kagome stepped back and carefully dropped to her knees, bowing low before him. She didn't stop until her forehead touched the cool ground. "Lord Sesshoumaru. I humbly request that you protect the remaining fragments of the Jewel of the Four Souls. I'm aware of the burden I'm placing on your lordship, and I ask your forgiveness." She raised herself slightly and looked at his pointy-toed boots, which were directly in front of her nose. "When the jewel was whole, it caused only destruction for both demons and humans. Please… let's make sure it remains split now, so that the rift between our people can close." She held her breath and waited for his answer.

An oppressive silence settled over the field, and Kagome felt the sweat trickling down her neck. It seemed to stretch on forever, and she became aware of the cramps in her legs, and the itchy bead of sweat trailing down her shoulders and tickling her armpits. She felt the eyes of her companions resting on them, and it made her want to fidget. Instead, she forced herself to remain motionless at Sesshoumaru's feet, her stomach fluttering nervously.

Finally, she felt a gentle rush of air above her, and glanced up once more. She saw the back of his boots, retreating into the forest, and sat up in confusion. At the sound of her movement, he stopped, still not bothering to face her.  _ He didn't return the shards, _ she realized.

"You are a greater fool than the half-breed," Sesshoumaru said without turning around.

Kagome knew he wouldn't say anything else, even though she could feel his curiosity radiating from him. It was almost tangible. His pride would never suffer him to ask, however, and she closed her eyes and made a small concession for him.  _ No, not for him, _ she corrected herself.  _ For my Sesshoumaru. _

"I did it for you," she whispered softly, knowing he would hear. "I did it so you could have a life and a real future. That's why… Sesshoumaru. Maybe splitting the jewel was a selfish wish, after all." He didn't turn or acknowledge her words. Kagome bowed her head and bid her Sesshoumaru a silent farewell. And then he was gone, vanishing into the dark forest, and she knew he wouldn't return. A small, satisfied smile twisted the corner of her lips, and she straightened up and dusted herself off.

"Hey," Inuyasha said, approaching her side with a confused expression. "Why didn't that bastard try to kill you this time? What was all that about?" he asked, offering Kagome a hand and pulling her to her feet.

"The future," she answered with a tiny grin. Seeing his puzzled expression, she giggled and reached up, tweaking his ears and earning a scowl of annoyance for her trouble. "Hey, let's go check on the others," she added with a bright smile, grabbing Inuyasha's hand and leading him back towards their friends.

**\- x – x – x -**

Kagome blinked, slowly coming out of her dream.  _ It seems so long ago now, _ she thought fuzzily. Her hand strayed to the necklace around her neck. "Strange," she mumbled to herself, sitting up and rubbing her head. "There was always a necklace, and always five jewel fragments," she told herself. Her eyes fell across her old journal, and her brow knit together in confusion. "Was it really just a dream?" she mumbled softly, fingering the exquisite piece of jewellery.

A soft, warm pressure butted her side, and Kagome looked down and saw Kirara watching her. The fire cat stared at her, and a smile twitched on Kagome's lips. "It wasn't a dream, was it," she pondered, rubbing her cat's head once before picking up her journal and flipping it open.

She knew the story behind each fragment; besides being passed down from shrine maiden to shrine maiden, it was all written there in her own handwriting, memories that were growing more and more distant with each day, kept alive only by constant repetition. Every single shard represented a life she once knew intimately. Two from a noble wolf demon prince, who pledged his love to a human  _ (that was me) _ ; he gifted them back to the very humans that had first saved his life after many years, when he felt his own time was finally ending. One from a legendary priestess  _ (was she my friend, after all?) _ , brought back from the dead; it was said that after the half-demon she loved passed away, she returned her fragment to the shrine in order to guide him through the afterlife. And one told the story of the very roots of the Sunset Shrine; the legendary demon slayer and monk  _ (Kohaku outlived them both…), _ who erected the holy grounds to celebrate the sacred pact forged with demons, an alliance which ensured the safety of both races. The only mystery was the fifth jewel, the one that had been in their possession for as long as anyone could remember. It had no story; no one could recall where it came from, and no one dared question the Greater Demon Lord about its origin.  _ (Because it was always mine.) _

A pair of blue eyes flashed through her memory; a spider scar on a young boy's back. A monk with wandering hands and an Amazon with a massive boomerang. A small, freckled fox-child laughed at her. And two brothers who hated each other as much as she loved them both. "Yes… it  _ was _ real," she said decisively, her hand straying to Kirara's head. The old fire cat looked up and gave Kagome a small mewl of encouragement. Kagome smiled back at the cat, wondering what secrets she kept.  _ Maybe one day these memories will fade, _ she thought. "But," she added out loud with a small smile, pressing the necklace. "Not yet. I'll do my best to remember until that day comes."

"Kagome!" Mrs. Higurashi's voice carried up the steps and into her room. "Lord Sesshoumaru will be here soon. Are you getting ready yet?"

Kagome glanced at the clock and did a double take. "Oh great! The most important day of my life, and I'm late!" she screeched, leaping off of her bed and sending a very disgruntled Kirara flying. "Yeah, Mama, I'm almost done!" she yelled over her shoulder, all thoughts of her past adventures clearing from her head like smoke. She pulled on her priestess' uniform and combed her hair back neatly. Kagome was ready in record time, and she stopped briefly before the mirror, pausing to check that the necklace of jewel shards was resting properly against her chest. She caught her own eyes in the mirror's reflection, and for a moment she stilled, trying to recognize the woman she saw standing there.

"There's only the present," she repeated to herself. Then, with a smile, she squared her shoulders and left the safety of her room.


	11. 10: Harmony

Kagome nervously wiped her hands dry on the rough fabric of her pants. She watched the limousine pull up to the front of the shrine, waiting for Sesshoumaru to make his grand entrance into her life once more. She was holding on to ritual and form like protective wards; she knew he would enter the shrine grounds and proceed directly to the Goshinboku for the meeting. There he would wait for her to approach, in order to question her devotion to protecting the Necklace of the Five. It was a time-honored ritual to ensure the worthiness of the Sunset Shrine Maiden to uphold the human side of their treaty. It would also be her duty to test him as well, to ensure that his heart remained pure. No one had ever informed her about the details of the challenges, however; apparently that was something each shrine maiden had to discover for herself.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw him leave the car; Sesshoumaru, dressed in a traditional kimono, looking for all the world as though he had stepped directly out of the past and into the modern era. She knew better than to believe that, however; this was not Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, the arrogant demon who had once helped them defeat Naraku. This was Sesshoumaru, Lord of all Japan, at least for those matters concerning the demon race. He was also Sesshoumaru, protector of humanity, if only by contract. That thought made her laugh; he, who hated humans, had been bestowed that title by the very humans themselves. The years had passed over him without leaving any visible trace in his physical appearance; he still radiated the coldness and distance of pure-bred aristocracy. She knew he was anything but distant, however; this Sesshoumaru was just as involved in the daily workings of modern Japan as any of its other residents. He upheld the sacred alliance as ruthlessly as he conducted his modern businesses, viciously cutting down those who dared to oppose him. It was the primary reason for the success of both ventures, and nothing unexpected for a demon of his age.

Catching herself staring, Kagome reluctantly climbed down the steps. The night was young but already the moon was high in the sky, brightly lighting the courtyard with its silver light. _Time to renew the contract,_ she thought determinedly, releasing the fabric of her uniform from her clenched hands and smoothing it out. _I won't be afraid._ She saw him facing the old tree, his hands clasped behind his back as he stared up into its branches; he was waiting for her to approach. Kicking herself for the delay, Kagome quickened her pace across the yard. When she was less than a meter away, he turned smoothly and regarded her. Kagome froze uncertainly, all of her former resolve melting away under his intense scrutiny.

Sesshoumaru remained silent, his eyes fixed on her and his expression unreadable. "You!" he finally said, the barest hint of surprise colouring his voice.

Kagome had to resist giggling as she felt a crazy moment of deja vu. "Me," she repeated shyly, closing the remaining distance between them.

Sesshoumaru stared at her for a moment longer, and then unclasped his hands and sighed slightly. "I suppose I should pay more attention to the affairs of humans," he said nonchalantly.

Kagome grinned and shook her head slightly. "According to my mother, you already pay more than enough attention to us." She studied the ground, pushing around a few loose pebbles with her big toe. "… thank you for protecting our family after my father died." She grinned as she heard Sesshoumaru's loud snort.

"It was my duty to protect the jewel fragments, nothing more."

"Hnn!" Kagome answered, looking up with a teasing grin. Her almost-perfect emulation of his grunt earned her a sharp glare from the demon, and for a moment her smile faltered. "It's good to see you again, Lord Sesshoumaru," she told him honestly.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head slightly, the intensity of his glare fading. "It is not necessary to use such formalities with me," he said to her.

Kagome crossed her arms in front of her chest, quirking her lips together to prevent another smile from forming. "Oh, so we're old friends then?" she asked him with a touch of amusement.

"We are allies." Sesshoumaru looked away from her.

Kagome tried to push down some of the disappointment she felt when he wouldn't meet her eyes. _This distance… we're strangers now._ "I'd rather be friends, you know," she said softly.

Sesshoumaru glanced at her sharply. "You presume too much, priestess," he told her mildly. His glance held an undercurrent of warning, however. _Do not act so familiar with this Sesshoumaru._

Kagome narrowed her eyes. "Hey!" she said hotly. "You're the one who told me to stop being so formal in the first place! Besides… I miss everybody." She swallowed, the brief flare of her temper sputtering out all too quickly. "…You included."

Sesshoumaru didn't seem to be paying any attention to her words. Instead, he was looking through her thoughtfully, rather than looking at her. "So you are a reincarnation of the priestess Kikyou?" he asked suddenly. It was another one of his declarative statements; he was clearly expecting an affirmative answer rather than a response.

Once, the question would have angered Kagome. Now, however, it just made her feel old and tired. "We were different people. It took a while for me to understand that." She smiled briefly at the ground. "You and Inuyasha helped me realize who I was." She heard Sesshoumaru grow still and snuck a look at him unwillingly. She didn't like staring at him for too long; it made the dull, fuzzy pulse in her heart ache all the more.

Sesshoumaru seemed to catch on her hesitation and glowered at her until she faced him properly. When he was sure he had her complete attention, he sniffed haughtily. "Your logic fails comprehension, woman. I have never helped you. If memory serves, I have often tried to end your life."

"Memories…" Kagome paused, brushing her fingers lightly over her forehead as she closed her eyes. "Hah, they don't serve either of us very well." She smiled weakly and let her hand fall away. "I'm losing mine, you know? Next time this year we probably won't be able to have this conversation." When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see the look of displeasure on Sesshoumaru's face. _Huh?_ she thought.

"Why are you losing your memories, priestess Higurashi?" he asked her, looking vaguely upset.

Kagome's smile widened and grew genuine, and the ache in her heart eased slightly. "You don't want me to leave again, huh?" she said softly. Sesshoumaru didn't answer her, and she stepped away from him. "Let's visit the past together," she told him, beckoning him to follow her. "No one ever said anything about the ceremony needing to take place here anyway."

Sesshoumaru looked confused, following her unwillingly across the courtyard and back towards the entrance of the shrine. "You wish to conduct the ceremony elsewhere?" he said with a note of disbelief, easily overtaking her with his lengthy strides. "No one in your clan has ever asked for such a thing before."

"My family puts too much weight on our old traditions," she explained with a brief smile. "This is special, though. We need to go back to a time older than this treaty and older than the Sengoku Jidai." She stopped by the side of the limousine and stared at the little green demon who tumbled out of its front. He scurried to the passenger door and hurriedly flung it open for her. The miniature formal suit and black chauffeur's cap set rakishly on his head made her want to burst out into laughter. She paused and gave Jaken a tiny bow, unable to hide the grin on her face. "Hey, you finally learned some manners, you little toady!" she laughed as she scooted into the car.

"Aw… awk! YOU!" Jaken replied, his eyes bulging even more as he choked. "Lord Sesshoumaru, what is this—"

"Jaken, silence." Sesshoumaru smoothly entered the limousine behind Kagome, not even bothering to use force to reprimand his retainer. Apparently Jaken had also picked up some facet of wisdom in half a century, because he shut the door without any further argument and scuttled his way back towards the front of the car.

Kagome managed to still her giggles as she felt Sesshoumaru's piercing gaze land on her. "Sorry," she mumbled half-apologetically. "It's been a while since I've seen him, too."

"Where do you wish to go?" Sesshoumaru said curtly, leaning back into the leather seat. He glared into the rear-view mirror of the car, meeting Jaken's gaze and stemming any verbal protest before it could begin.

"Take us to the Todoroki Valley," Kagome said firmly. Her command finally did rouse a protest from the smaller demon.

"L-lord Sesshoumaru! She is but a human!" he sputtered, half-turning in his high seat to glare at her. A deadly silence loomed in the car, and Jaken tried again. "That entire area is off-limits at this time of night—"

"Your point, Jaken." Sesshoumaru's chilly censure cut through the air like a sharp knife, and with a quietly muttered apology, the small toad pulled the car smoothly away from the curb. With the flick of a finger, Sesshoumaru separated them from Jaken's scrutiny with a thick panel of dark glass and turned his attention to Kagome. "Why there, priestess?" he asked her.

Kagome rested her chin in her palm and stared at Sesshoumaru irately. "You can call me Miss Higurashi if you like," she told him cheekily. "I don't like using my formal title all the time either." She felt Sesshoumaru's stare and glanced out of the window uneasily, wondering if she had pushed him too far.

"What is your full name?"

Surprise registered in Kagome's mind. "W-what?" she said, blinking and looking at him with confusion.

"Your name, priestess," Sesshoumaru repeated, a look of irritation flitting over his features. "What is your name?"

 _This is the first time he's asked for my name in any time,_ Kagome thought dazedly. "K-Kagome. Kagome Higurashi."

Sesshoumaru nodded slightly, giving a small grunt of satisfaction. "Then I shall call you Kagome." And like that, his decision was made, leaving Kagome feeling flustered and yet strangely comforted at the same time.

When they arrived at the valley, Kagome stepped out of the limousine and let out a little gasp. "It's bigger than I remember it," she mumbled incoherently as she sought out the tiny path that would lead to the temple.

"Is that so?" Sesshoumaru asked thoughtfully, falling into step beside her as they made their way down the abandoned walkway. "This forest may be ancient, but the encroachment of the modern city has greatly reduced its size since the feudal era." He eyed her speculatively. "Why then do you find it to be larger?"

Kagome waved a hand impatiently, seeing the bend of the river come into view. "Here it is," she said with relief as she stepped off of the path. "Come on," she said encouragingly, noticing his pause. "Join me here." She plopped down near the bank of the river, staring at the dark water flowing past with a smile. Sesshoumaru settled next to her, and together they basked in the quiet moonlight. _It's almost like before,_ Kagome thought to herself. She felt a pang of regret that she had to break the peace, but she had brought him there for a reason. She wasn't interested in delaying reality for an illusion, no matter how beautiful or comforting it seemed. "Do you believe in time travel?" she finally asked him.

"I have never forgotten the birth of the alliance between our two peoples, but it is only recently that I have begun to understand it." He spared her a patronizing glance. "Why do you ask such foolish questions when you already know their answer?"

Kagome smiled at him. "Things have come full circle now." She picked up a rock and threw it into the dark river. It hit the water with a tiny plunk and made a small splash, swept away all too soon by the current. _Just like my wish,_ she thought. _So much has changed, but so little… I made a small impression, but the river of time just flows around it._ "We finally broke free of the destiny that always surrounded the Jewel of the Four Souls." She fingered her necklace. "Just like these fragments are permanently broken."

"The destruction of the completed jewel was a great loss of power for this world," Sesshoumaru mused. "Do you not regret wishing for such a thing?"

"Not at all," Kagome answered him immediately. She turned to look at Sesshoumaru, and for a moment she forgot to feel nervous. Instead, she met his gaze confidently and honestly. "It wasn't a mistake," she repeated firmly.

Sesshoumaru leaned back and nodded slightly, looking satisfied. "Then I do not have to kill you," he said easily.

Kagome felt a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. _Just like him._ "So you were thinking about killing me again, I take it. What'd I do now?" she asked with amusement.

"I was judging your sincerity," Sesshoumaru told her, looking nonplussed by her good humour. "You do not covet the power of the completed jewel. How strange, for a mere human."

"… and a demon," Kagome answered pointedly.

Ignoring her jab, Sesshoumaru continued blithely. "You obviously have the ability to cross the barrier of time. It is my duty to ensure that you will not attempt to do so and change the fate of this world." He gave her a significant look. "This was your own request five hundred years ago."

Kagome smiled sardonically. _I already changed the fate of the world, Sesshoumaru…_ She pushed down the unexpected bitterness that came with the thought and fingered her own necklace sadly. "I'll never go back," she told him quietly. She closed her eyes and thought about her fading memories, wondering how many sacrifices she had actually made for their future. _How much did I already forget?_ she wondered. The weight of the crushing silence was broken by Sesshoumaru with unexpected gentleness, something Kagome wasn't expecting.

"… You may abandon the task of guarding the remaining fragments, if you wish."

She looked up and saw Sesshoumaru staring at the water. "Huh?" she mumbled, confused.

He reached towards his neck and pulled out a chain from underneath his robe. The necklace glowed in the light, five perfectly-sized jewel shards embedded into it winking softly in the light. It was a perfect match to Kagome's own. "I am more than capable of protecting all of the fragments on my own. I am more powerful than any mere human, even one such as yourself. So long as I live, I would ensure peace between our peoples." He lifted his gaze from the dark water and regarded her. "Do you wish me to carry this burden for you?"

Kagome stared at Sesshoumaru. His pure white hair reflected the silvery moonlight, making him look almost saintly. _Is he some angel, sent to free me from the jewel once and for all?_ she wondered. _I know he's not after its power; his half of the fragments are still pure, after all. So why is he asking me this now? Is he losing his trust in humanity? Or… does he feel guilty about my father's death?_ Her hand hovered over her own necklace uncertainly, and a thought struck her. "You asked my mother the same thing once, didn't you?" she said softly. It wasn't a question, and she wasn't surprised when Sesshoumaru nodded slightly in response.

 _So this isn't anything special for him,_ Kagome told herself, trying to stem the anger and disappointment she felt. _Who knows why he does anything, anyway? Who really knows this Sesshoumaru?_ Kagome felt a sigh forming; she certainly didn't anymore. _I can't believe we were friends once…_ She looked at her necklace, seeing the five symmetrical stones and feeling her anger congeal. _We could be friends again, if I would just jump down that well and go back to the past. I could see Inuyasha and the others again. Maybe I could even meet Sesshoumaru and change everything back somehow…_ She caught her mind wandering down that dangerous path and stopped herself cold, stiffening. "Stop it," she snapped, her fingers clamping over the necklace painfully. "These jewels are the last things I have that tie us together." She let the chain drop and gave Sesshoumaru a hard look. "I won't lie, I _want_ to give them to you. I've dreamed of this moment for a long time, for the day when I could finally let go of the Jewel of the Four Souls and get on with my own life. But now that you're offering, I…" She dropped her head and looked away. "I can't let go."

Sesshoumaru studied her thoughtfully. "What did you mean," he asked conversationally, "when you said that you did it for me? For the future?"

"Eh?" Kagome looked up and noticed he was staring at her. She blinked slowly, and then exhaled in surprise as she remembered their final conversation in the past. It seemed so long ago to her now; as if it was another lifetime that she had bowed before him, her forehead close to the ground, staring at the tips of his shoes as she changed the course of history. She remembered Michifusa and his brittle, caustic lessons, and she remembered a closer, warmer Sesshoumaru, cloaked by a different evening. _All those ripples that he spread through my life, just by telling me a few simple words. I learned that lesson thanks to him. We're separate, now, but… happy._ "Sesshoumaru," Kagome said finally, shaking her head slightly. "This precious, fragile thing that we have, this present… I won't risk that for anything. That's all I can tell you. It's enough."

"You will not give me the fragments, then?" he asked.

"I passed your test already. Stop trying," Kagome answered brusquely, averting her gaze to the river.

Sesshoumaru looked away from her. "… Perhaps it was meant as a trial for the keepers who came before you. Obviously one which no shrine maiden of your clan has ever failed." He joined her silent observation of the stream. "However…" He paused, and something in his voice made Kagome look at him. "… this offer was genuine." He sighed slightly, and Kagome suddenly realized that five hundred years had also had their toll on the proud demon; perhaps not as shocking as five hundred years of a human life, but it was a significant weight nevertheless.

 _He's still lonely,_ she realized belatedly. Suddenly she didn't feel as wise and sure of herself as she had before.

"It seems I have allowed my own desires to cloud my judgement. How… unusual." His face reflected nothing, schooled into its rigid mask; yet Kagome felt the tension leak out of her body, settling into something more comfortable. "It is proper for you to retain possession of the fragments," he concluded.

"Then why did you ask me for them?" Kagome questioned softly.

Sesshoumaru frowned at his reflection slightly. "I have come to realize that my assumptions of humanity have often been in error," he explained. "Humans are base, disgusting creatures, filled with greed and an insatiable hunger for power."

Kagome smirked slightly, not particularly offended by his analysis. "So are demons," she replied.

"We are not alike," Sesshoumaru cut in crossly. "Demons have more power than any human will ever be able to command. Our natural abilities can overcome the best of your pathetic sciences," he added scornfully. The brief displeasure dropped from his face and was replaced by a weariness that Kagome was surprised he let her witness. "In five hundred years, however, we have always followed humanity's lead. We have reacted to the changes humans have brought to this world, rather than causing those changes ourselves. A demon is stronger than any mere human, and yet we cannot shape our own destiny. We allow the creation of history to be left to those of your race." He paused and turned to face Kagome. "What is this spirit that is found only among your people?" he asked her. "How is it that you humans contain this unnoticed power, the ability to change fate itself, while my people are subject to its whim?"

Kagome caught herself staring. _Is… that why? Is that why he really hated Inuyasha so much?_ she found herself wondering. She realized he was waiting for an answer; this Sesshoumaru had just exposed himself to her, and she knew if she wasn't careful, she could wound him and the fragile peace between the races all too easily. She closed her eyes and thought carefully about her words. "I think… I think it's exactly because we have to struggle, unlike you demons. We can't let ourselves be complacent." She felt the silence drawing out and cautiously regarded Sesshoumaru.

"But you are complacent." He gave her a hard stare. "Do not think you can fool this Sesshoumaru."

Kagome opened and closed her mouth. "Hey, that's out of context!" she cried out. _Never mind that you actually did change the course of history, so technically it does apply,_ her rational mind reminded her. Sesshoumaru didn't seem bothered by her protest, either, and was waiting impatiently for her response. "Fine!" she grit out, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. "… no, I'm not satisfied at all," she answered heatedly. "There, are you happy now? I admit it, I had to settle for losing a lot of things that were important to me for the sake of this world. But it's my duty, and I understand that now!" She paused and took a deep, steadying breath, lowering the pitch and volume of her voice. "One day… maybe I will forget everything," she said bitterly. "Maybe it will be easier for me then, and maybe if you ask me on that day, I'll be able to let go of this stupid necklace. Who knows what the future will be like then?" she added. "But I do know that I have to protect this," she said, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings, "this peace we have, right here, right now." She finished, letting her arms drop into her lap exhaustedly and gave Sesshoumaru an irate glare. "You're a worse temptation to change the past than any jewel fragment, you know that?" she added spitefully.

Sesshoumaru, who had looked mildly surprised at her outburst, schooled his face back into its impassive mask. "I see," he said thoughtfully. "So this is the balance of the Jewel of the Four Souls." His gaze settled on Kagome, who squirmed uncomfortably. "I believe I understand now."

And then, to Kagome's great shock and surprise, he inclined his head towards her. It was a movement ever so slight that it might have gone unnoticed, had she not known him better; more shocking was that he deemed it a motion worthy for one such as himself to make. Sesshoumaru, Lord of Japan and supreme ruler of the demon race, was bowing to her.

"You have my gratitude… Kagome Higurashi."

Kagome felt her face flush, tiny seeds of happiness fluttering dangerously in her stomach and threatening to bloom across her entire body. _My memories will fade, and I'll forget that Sesshoumaru, and who I once was._ She returned Sesshoumaru's bow just as minutely as an uncertain, cautious smile graced her face. It was genuine, however; she meant it for him, this Sesshoumaru, and not one built from her fading memories. He straightened and returned her smile in his own silent, impassive way, and the seeds burst open and spilled into her heart, their roots mending together the cracks that had formed. "There is only the present," she whispered to him, reaching out and grasping his hand in her own.

 

_Are we going to be friends forever? Asked Piglet._

_Even longer, Pooh answered._ \- A. A. Milne

**\- fin -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Many thanks to all those people who have left or will leave reviews. Most of all, I want to thank the authors Resmiranda and Noacat for inspiring me to write this piece. Look up their profiles and read their works, if you haven't already, it's definitely worth your time.  
> October 2007: The new moon error should be completely fixed now. Enjoy!


End file.
